What else are you going to spend $20,000 on?

In case my lighting-fast publishing rate of 0.57 posts per month is too much of a literary firehose to drink from, I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you that many months ago (i.e. two posts ago), Happy Family Organic Superfoods chose me to be one of their Bright Side Bloggers. I would embed the video I made with them, but it's easier to just scroll two mouse-wheel revolutions and see the original post. Anyway, the point of that project was of course to entertain you, but it was also to give you a chance to win $20,000 toward your kid's education. 

So, in case you missed it the first time, go back and check it out. Basically, you submit a funny story about feeding your kids, written or video, and they enter you into a contest where you could win all that money towards your kid's education. Regurgitated mashed potato in your face was never more lucrative!

"$20,000 towards education?" you ask. 

"Yes," I say "It's a pretty good investment."

"What's it really worth, though," you say.

"Let me Google some stuff," I respond. "I need to make this post longer, anyway."

So here goes. So in addition to making your kid smarter, what else is worth $20,000 in this world? Start with these:

  • You could start your own concrete restoration and beautification franchise. I actually explored this on behalf of a friend, a few years back. I went to the 2-day seminar and everything. There are so many things you can do with driveways and concrete. They involve intricate stamps and finishes, and being bored off your a%^ applying them (I know I bleeped out a harmless word, but Happy Family is wholesome and they paid me, so respect!).
  • You could buy a really nice coffee maker like this:Of course, you'd have to give your customers the option of cash, credit or monthly installments for a cup of coffee. I'm waiting for my credit score to improve before I actually set foot in a Blue Bottle Coffee Shop (which is where this machine sits, or presides).
  • My second job was worth $20,000. Actually $19,000. For $19,000 a year, I did publicity for The House of Blues in West Hollywood. Hey, I was young and I needed the bragging rights! I got a private concert from Johnny Cash (I sat in on sound check), I got to wristband Eddie Vedder, and shake Tony Bennett's hand, so who cares if being there 15 hours a day worked out to less than minimum wage. I'm STILL bragging to you about this, 20 years later. That's longevity.
  • Or, you could have a kid with Halle Berry and then get $20,000 per month for child support, like Gabriel Aubry did. Work smarter, not harder!
  • Or work funner. You can buy this on Craigslist for $20,000:"I will destroy your yard and lift random things for $20 a pop." That would be my billboard.
  • Get a friend to throw in an extra $20K and you can add "disposal" services to your repertoire.
  • Or just get a lionThe guy who owns this $20K lion lives in Kabul. "I like a stable, predictable life" is probably not the bubble he filled in on his OK Cupid profile. He probably also didn't realize that lion cubs grow up to be grown up lions, and that grown up lions like to remind themselves that their claws and teeth work pretty well together. Know why? Because he probably didn't invest in a good education.

And BAM. I bring it all back to the beginning. A $20,000 investment in education is worth quite a lot more than other things with a $20,000 price tag. Go shoot a video, or jot down some words. But don't think too hard about it because I am a slow poster and left you just a few days to do it. The last day to enter is August 31. Go to the Happy Family Stories from the Bright Side page on Facebook and enter.