Time to Rant
Wednesday, July 29, 2009 I've been spending the past two days reading BlogHer conference recaps. And it feels like that movie Memento, where I'm discovering bits and pieces and making sense of them within the context of my own reality from that weekend. Eh, I can't fool you guys - it's more like that movie The Hangover. I still don't know how that rooster got into my room. Any help would be appreciated.
Anyway, I've decided not to do one, mostly because mine would be boring. I had a great time, met new friends, connected with old ones and reveled in the fact that amongst 1,500 people, I could at any given time run into someone I knew and simply chill with them. I loved that my biggest, most impactful decision of each day was "should I go hang out by the river, or sit in the lobby?" I wasn't busy. For once.
While I was there, I was also on a panel. As the title suggested ("Vaginally challenged bloggers - the men of BlogHer"), it was a lighthearted, fun discussion on the role and impact of male personal bloggers in a predominantly female space. Along with my co-panelists Avitable and Childsplayx2 and moderator Miss Britt, we discussed a whole mess of interesting topics. At one point, as we touched upon the topic of crossing lines, I said something like "I don't cross any lines - I don't rant, I don't talk shit, I just keep it lighthearted on my blog." I don't ever cuss on this blog either, but if it's in quotes it's ok, right?
But you know what? Sometimes you've got to let it out and I need to break some new ground here. However, would it be hypocritical of me to do this less than a week after I declared that I don't rant in front of pretty much anyone who would ever read this blog? Yes. Yes it would be. So I'm going to get off on a technicality. Fury is going to do it. I need the traffic that a good controversial rant would bring, and my son has something that he has to say. I came across it going through a stack of his schoolwork the other day, and it's the stuff budding bloggers are made of. Take it away son...
Original text scanned below. Transcript follows.
I hate to eat Asparagus. It tastes like a leaf and like a rotten squash. The Asparagus looks like it has hair and is green. It sounds crunchy. The Asparagus feels smooth and bumpy on top. It smells like its been in a garden and like a leaf. Asparagus is only good with ranch.
- Fury
How's that for an FU post? Should I hyperlink the word asparagus to the US Asparagus Council like a good linkbaiter? Nah, one step at a time.
Reader Comments (65)
holy hell Jim.
I'm dyin'. Asparagus however, rocks. Hubby hated it until I made it for him. Even my kids eat it. Monkey must disagree with F-oo-ey here ;-)
HA.
This? This is awesome.
I see - you have the kid do your bidding. That's low. You should totally write for us on Aiming Low, but I don't think you'd qualify w/ your Harvard education.
Also it makes your pee smell weird.
The End.
:)
i love asparagus. but he's still adorable. and my purse is still huge and waiting to stuff him inside!!
it was so awesome meeting you, if only for 3.5 seconds!
HA. I'm the only person in my house who loves asparagus, which is good for me because I don't have to share it. I hate sharing my food.
Also? Keep an eye out for asparagus-loving trolls. They might have a field day with the asparagus hate.
Ranch makes EVERYTHING better.
Just don't add it to your cocktail.
So YOU didn't rant. A technicality. I still cry foul (kinda like asparagus pee)
Yeah screw you asparagus!
I think we need buttons for this movement. Fury is still holding on to being a revolutionary and I have nothin' but mad love for that.
This is too funny.
But I have to disagree with Fury. I love asparagus. Okra? That's a different story. Tastes like worms.
You may quote me.
Nice to know (and see) that your main claim of BlogHer success is many more photos for your Beer With Busy collection. And Fury can write your rants anyday -- mad skillz, that boy has.
I agree with Colleen, ranch makes everything better. It's like magic. But ranchier.
<3<3<3 this.
I have an old paper that my little brother wrote, similar to this, about deer. I have to find it now and let you see it.
#snort
Tell Fury the internet says that asparagus makes your pee smell funny, and that's kind of cool. Also, beets make it red. Any vegetable that you can alter the properties of your urine with must be good. Ranch notwithstanding. ;-)
That's not ranting. That's telling it like it is. Bravo, Fury :)
Now that's some awesome art work!!!! Much better than pictures of unicorn ass.
"I had a great time, met new friends, connected with old ones and reveled in the fact that amongst 1,500 people, I could at any given time run into someone I knew and simply chill with them. I loved that my biggest, most impactful decision of each day was "should I go hang out by the river, or sit in the lobby?" I wasn't busy. For once."
Me too dude. Me too. T'was awesome and relaxing. And great to meet you too.
I love that kid.
Lots of things are better with ranch, which is why I have cholesterol issues :) That was really funny.
My wife likes to drink the juice that is left over from boiling asparagus. Or maybe its artichokes. I don't know they both start with A and I don't like either of them.
He is soooo cute - I will eat him up!
I'm newer to your blog and feel the need to say hello and that I enjoy the things you have to say. I feel the need to say this to you because what I'M about to say is a little bit disgusting...
But your son forgot about the part where the asparagus also makes your pee stink.
I love asparagus, but I really did enjoy his rant, too! It was cool getting to meet you IRL - although I think next time you invent a drink, you should really take the ingredients with you so people can actually order them. :)
Love your kids idea of asparagus!
Dear Fury,
Auntie Mr Lady loathes asparagus. She calls it aspargaggus and wants it to die in a slow burning, firey inferno. She's never once made her children eat it and never will. You are more than welcome to come stay with us any time and enjoy a asparagus-free environment.
Yours in contempt,
Auntie
Try sauteing the asparagus in olive oil with garlic and sea salt for about 10 minutes.
It'll turn out kind of crunchy fried and has a great salty almost snackish taste.
He might end up liking it.
I'm trying to figure out the speech bubbles. I think one is pleading for help because "an asparagus is kiliing me" and I think the other says "aw fine, ranch" -- but since that doesn't really make any sense (not to say it has to), I'm wondering if you could translate.
I squinted and had to strain my old-lady eyes to read what Fury wrote...only to cuss at YOU when I realized that you had the transcript under the picture!
Then, I smacked myself in the forehead when I scrolled back up and saw the following: "Original text scanned below. Transcript follows."
lmfao
I WAS going to come on here and talk about how great it was to see you again but now I just have to say that I am so angry that you and Fury would try and SHAME those of us out there who DO love asparagus.
I am now going back to my blog to write my rebuttal and talk about this travesty and then I am going on Twitter to direct everyone to my blog which will convince aspragus lovers the world over they have been viscously attacked.
You better brace yourself for the fallout dudes.
Fury. Rocks.
Take, THAT, you mean old asparagus!
I've actually been waiting for an update on the "I'll have a busy Dad" how did that go?
I think after this one I am going ot have to change the entire title of my blog; after all, I can't beat this rant. Though really, what is the secret? Becuase ME ranting NEVER drives traffic to MY blog. Ppppht.
First, let me say how much I loved finally meeting you. (I was with Busy Mom-- The Original) at PJ Clark's and again on Saturday. You are as awesome as she has always told me you are! And thank you so much for my Lego cocktail stirrer. I didn't have the contents to make a Busy Dad Cocktail so I tried to use it to stir the lime in my Corona and the freaking thing got stuck in the bottle. So, I had to break it on the bar (like and Southern white trash woman would have to do) in order to retrieve it. Now I have to cut someone (as any Southern white trash woman would have to do). But my stirrer is safe now.
You do know that now I am going to have to start a Twitter stream #FuryandBusyDadHateAsparagus hashtag. tsk tsk you trouble maker. Some of us like to have our pee smell that way. It keeps away the other bathroom seekers. ;-)
You rock, Mr. Busy Dad.
Hmmmm. Ranting drives traffic. Note taken. I've had a blast reading updates from Blogher goers, and learning little tidbits along the way!
I have to agree with Don Mills Diva. I am so disappointed! And here I thought Fury and I were like, BFF!
*pouts*
I think I can forgive him for the asparagus travesty, though. Only cause he's so cute & the lego stick he made was so fantastic ;)
Are you selling prints of the aspargus portrait? Love it, belongs in the MOMA! ;)
I kept waiting for him to complain about how bad his piss smells after eating it. Maybe he's saving that for part 2.
I love that although asparagus is disgusting in every way, add in some Ranch and hey, maybe its not so bad.
Cut 'em into little bits and pieces and fry the 'shit' out of them. Any vegetable for that matter. Then tell him it's chicken fingers. Works for me everytime.
This is so inflammatory. Perhaps if you just tried dipping it in chocolate or something?
yeah ... what HE said!!!
Well your son does have a good point, its hard to argue against that logic!
Dude, I'm afraid to hear that kid go off on brussell sprouts!
Wow... you really took it to the extreme. Your stats will prolly be off the hook!
Hello there, my first time here and I already love fury!!
Loving the fury.
While I didn't actually get to meet you because you got mobbed after the panel, I was at the panel and thought you guys & Britt were great. Nice to almost-meet you. Maybe I'll get to for-real meet you next year.
The artwork rocks. Thanks for acting like you knew who I was at BlogHer. I'm assuming you're either a great actor or I REALLY made an impression on you.... Don't ruin it for me, ok?
:)
Love reading about you and Fury.
Oh he is hilarious! I see an raw, honest blogger there.
And seriously, everything does taste better with ranch.
Has he smelled his pee after eating asparagus? :D
p.s The vaginally challenged session was awesome.
Careful there Fury- President Bush (The Old one not the dumb one) said I don't like broccoli. I am president of the United States and I don't have to eat it. Not gonnadoit. So the broccoli farmers of The United states sent a truck load of the stuff and dumped it at the entrance to the white house lawn. Now you don't want a whole truckload of asparagus, do you???
Your kid is way tastier than asparagus.