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What, Me Paddle?

A look at parenting through testosterone-tinted beer goggles.

The Cast:
BusyDad (Jim)
Working dad doing his darndest
Fury (Marcus)
8-year-old boy and future revolutionary
Lessi (Alessia)
My source for organic new baby smell
d Wife (Lisa)
BusyDad’s reality check
Krypto (Dog #1)
Witness to the insanity and chewer of things
BJ (Dog #2)
Yapping spreader of love and poops

My Dad was an ambassador of a country. I'm an ambassador of butt wipes. I'm sure he's proud:

If you just read these, I'm good:
If Jeopardy Were Written by Parents

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What Ever Happened to "Girls Have Cooties"??
Knocking Out My Demons
Homies on a Train
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Such Sweet Sorrow
Darwin Would Be Proud
Crossing Over
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Wednesday
Dec032008

This Is Not a Real Post

Fine, you can say that about 80% of my posts. Semantics. There are just a few housekeeping items that I feel might be of interest to you. I won't take too much of your time (or mine - I am technically on a break, remember?).

* * * * *

I Know What Boys Like

I know that I am on a temporary hiatus from blogging, but when someone showers me with compliments asks nicely, I find it hard to say no. So I guest posted. I know. Makes zero sense. But really, when do I ever make sense? And really really, it was just a short one. My new Twitter friend Rhea, who runs a hip mom-style site called The Cocktail Cafe wanted to a guy's perspective on cool gift ideas for men. So I made a list.

* * * * *

So There's This Book

My friend April has this book that she wanted to give away on her blog. It is called Crash Course for New Dads. I checked it out and it is definitely useful. However, apparently not too many dad-to-be's are cruising her site, so she still has it. I'm not sure if I myself have many dad-to-be's who drop by, but my opinion is that full fledged dads can also get some use out of this book. Or give it to your teenage son and watch him go "WTF dude!" Just leave a comment stating that you want to win this book and I'll enter your name into a drawing.

* * * * *

So There's This Calendar

And I'm on it. Just in the nick of time too. My 15th college reunion is coming up this spring and I had nothing to compete with "just taught an entire village in the Amazon jungle how to start their own software outsourcing venture" or "My novel missed making the NYT Best Seller list by 3 places. Back to the drawing board." But now? Now I can proudly say. "Hot Blogger Calendar. Mr. May -- oooh shrimp toasts! Excuse me."

I'm also on the button (totally dwarfed by the hotness of Amy, but hey, riding coattails is my specialty). Click on it to go to the Hot Blogger Calendar. If you buy one, any money I make from it will go to charity. It will be something children related but I haven't decided which one (suggestions welcomed). I'll probably kick in some money on my own as well because sending a charity a big 'ol check for $8 will also likely ellicit a "WTF dude!" 

When they were putting the calendar together, they made us fill out these questionnaires from which they plucked some quotes to put on our page. Since I spent a few good drams of Scotch writing it, I felt it best to recycle. Plus, I know you all love embarrasing stories about me.

What are your must-read blogs? I’d tell you, but I’d be violating Stalker-Blogger confidentially.

What's your blog about? “Parenting Without a Helmet” is my tagline and that pretty much sums it up. I’m a first-time dad who doesn’t like to read, so I make stuff up as I go along, blogging about it every step of the way. Kind of like a free-form jazz ensemble, but with more whine and less sax.

What do you think about the HBC project? You called me hot, dressed me up and took pictures. I’ve never felt more like a piece of meat in my entire life, and I can’t thank you enough for it.

What makes bloggers hot? The ability to grab you in funny places via your monitor, whether by wit, insight, humor, intelligence or confidence. Or if they look like a Disney princess.

What's the hottest thing about you? My son. Everyone loves the little guy. And since he’s not of age, I’m the sidekick who reaps the benefits. Like the older New Kids on the Block did when Joey McIntyre was 12.

What do you find hot in another person? The right answer is attitude. The real answer is resemblance to a cartoon. I’m a sucker for big eyes and a bright smile. Unless you’re a guy. Then you just look like Bob’s Big Boy.

Tell the story of one of your hottest moments ever. Was it funny? Serious? What made it hot? A few years ago, I was a contestant on The Big Date on USA Network. There’s nothing hotter than 3 girls trying to best one another by telling a national television audience how they would help you unwind after a long day. I actually won, but my date and I missed the Jamaica trip by one question, and had to go to the Long Beach Blues Festival instead. The hottest thing about that date was the chili booth, unfortunately. Funny thing is, people on the street recognized me even months later. Some people take their daytime game show watching a little too seriously. Don’t try to YouTube it. I already did and it’s not there.

Tell a funny story of one of your least hot moments ever. How did you get through it?
I had a girlfriend who asked me to wear a shirt that she bought for her ex which “he wouldn’t wear.” Yeah, I know. And yes, I did. And to go with this white stretch fabric Versace shirt with the mesh back, she picked out a matching pair of pleather DKNY pants. How did I get through my night out as a Night at the Roxbury extra? The same way I get through everything else that life throws at me: lots and lots of booze.

(If you want to see what my spread looks like, I posted it on my Twitpic page, which you can access from my sidebar. It's that ugly purple box that says "BusyDad in Real-time." Ok, I'm going back into hiding now.)

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Reader Comments (28)

Thanks for totally outdoing my post, asshat.

December 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMr Lady

PS: American Heart Association. My swiss cheese heart would thank you.

December 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMr Lady

Oh, man dude. White stretch mesh. And it was VERSACE? I will never be that badass. Ever.

PS - Don't forget...every single bottle of Jack Daniels is numbered. Technically.

December 3, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermatt

Ooh! We're having our first child this February and I think that book would be a pretty nifty stocking stuffer for my husband!

Also, long time lurker here. Great stuff you have around here, love to see a dad so active in his kid's life!

December 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

Dude, a shower is all it would have taken? You should have spoken up.

December 3, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterweaselmomma

One question. Where can we get film of you on The Big Date?

December 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMomo Fali

yeah, you are HOT!

Thanks for sharing your hotness with the rest of the world...

December 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPetra

pleather pants and admitting it? a whole new respect for you my friend.

December 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKim

bwuaahaahahaa! She had bad taste and had to reinforce it by making you wear that Right Said Fred ensemble? Sorry dude, as if she wasn't already a piece of work. How many boys hit on you that night? :D
That New Kids comment was too funny. But Fury is way cuter than any of them!

December 3, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterauntie mei

ok, who's your favourite Disney princess?

December 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterEve Grey

Um... I don't know which was scarier, the pleather or the mesh. Good thing she's an EX.

December 3, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjenofa2eatwrite

To answer Eve Grey, that would be Giselle (Amy Adams) in Enchanted - hahaha! Hey, I think I know that ex!

December 3, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterd Wife

... same ex who made you get that tattoo... ahhhh 1st love... idiot!

December 3, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterd Wife

I'll buy the calender if you make a deal that this is the last time we have to hear about it. All these women telling you that you are hot is going straight to your Versace wearing head. You totally should have traded those pleather pants for that suit in the shoot.

December 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMiss

love LOVE love you when you are on hiatus. So much great stuff to read. ;) Seriously, though, mad props on your mesh and Versace combo which I am only sorry you didn't post a picture of. As for a charity, try DonorsChoose.org, which is a fantastic group that pulls together projects for needy schools. You fund a specific proposal (or whatever part of one you can afford) and 100% of the money you send goes straight to the project you choose, so you know exactly how and where the money will be used. It's amazing!

December 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMommyTime

Doesn't our mutual friend have a charity thing going? That'd be my suggestion.

Damn, I thought you were going to give away the calendar, too. But if anyone's looking for a Xmas gift for me, I'd love it!

Thanks for the pimp - I see we already have one entry (which is more than I got).

December 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterApril

I can only pray that I get $8 out of this to give to a charity (TBD when I'm not lazy). But I figure if I only sell one through the website then I'm going to find a homeless guy downtown and just give him the two bucks and shout "COUNT IT!!" to whoever is policing my charitable donations.

December 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBackpacking Dad

May I suggest The Joseph Salmon Trust as your charity?

It's not exactly a childrens charity, but one that supports parents who's child has died.

December 4, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDan

Miss, Miss, Miss...how can I not have a girl crush on you for calling it like you see it? Oh, sorry, sorry-back to you BD.

Yes, yes you're hot. We all know. They put you on TV AND Calendars. Seriously? Who are you?! And can you work out this meshy shirt thing? I'd like to see.

December 4, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTRACI

I was giggling until I read d wife's comment...
BWAAAAAHHHHHH!
She keeps you humble, huh?

December 4, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAshlie- Mommycosm

I would love the book. I commented on April's site, but I did it too late. I think she forwarded the information to you.

December 4, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNicci

She made you wear that?! In public?!?! *shaking head* At least Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan got paid for that! I'm guessing a minimum of a 6 pack for that one.

Oooh, ooh! I want the book!!! I know someone who will be a dad soon. ;)

December 4, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. Kitty

Honestly, how many people are you giving that calender to, for Christmas?

December 4, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterZoeyjane

Nice non-post. :) lol So how does your wife feel about being compared with a cartoon (what you find "hot")? You're kind of weird. :)

December 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

Good post, I came across your blog recently. Its great to have such a good blog.

Thanks
Lucy

December 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKids Products

Mesh & pleather, eh? Lucky d Wife (that you wore that before she was on the scene). She's a riot too ...

I'm still laughing at Miss' comment up there, BTW. You've got great readers ...

December 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKaren MEG

Hi,

I am definitely gonna get that book for my husband and few of his friends too.

Sounds very interesting and highly useful

Thanks for sharing this info with us.

January 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHand Me Downs

niiiiice...i just saw this post.

February 24, 2009 | Unregistered Commentergnop

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