This Is Not a Real Post

Fine, you can say that about 80% of my posts. Semantics. There are just a few housekeeping items that I feel might be of interest to you. I won't take too much of your time (or mine - I am technically on a break, remember?).

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I Know What Boys Like

I know that I am on a temporary hiatus from blogging, but when someone showers me with compliments asks nicely, I find it hard to say no. So I guest posted. I know. Makes zero sense. But really, when do I ever make sense? And really really, it was just a short one. My new Twitter friend Rhea, who runs a hip mom-style site called The Cocktail Cafe wanted to a guy's perspective on cool gift ideas for men. So I made a list.

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So There's This Book

My friend April has this book that she wanted to give away on her blog. It is called Crash Course for New Dads. I checked it out and it is definitely useful. However, apparently not too many dad-to-be's are cruising her site, so she still has it. I'm not sure if I myself have many dad-to-be's who drop by, but my opinion is that full fledged dads can also get some use out of this book. Or give it to your teenage son and watch him go "WTF dude!" Just leave a comment stating that you want to win this book and I'll enter your name into a drawing.

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So There's This Calendar

And I'm on it. Just in the nick of time too. My 15th college reunion is coming up this spring and I had nothing to compete with "just taught an entire village in the Amazon jungle how to start their own software outsourcing venture" or "My novel missed making the NYT Best Seller list by 3 places. Back to the drawing board." But now? Now I can proudly say. "Hot Blogger Calendar. Mr. May -- oooh shrimp toasts! Excuse me."

I'm also on the button (totally dwarfed by the hotness of Amy, but hey, riding coattails is my specialty). Click on it to go to the Hot Blogger Calendar. If you buy one, any money I make from it will go to charity. It will be something children related but I haven't decided which one (suggestions welcomed). I'll probably kick in some money on my own as well because sending a charity a big 'ol check for $8 will also likely ellicit a "WTF dude!" 

When they were putting the calendar together, they made us fill out these questionnaires from which they plucked some quotes to put on our page. Since I spent a few good drams of Scotch writing it, I felt it best to recycle. Plus, I know you all love embarrasing stories about me.

What are your must-read blogs? I’d tell you, but I’d be violating Stalker-Blogger confidentially.

What's your blog about? “Parenting Without a Helmet” is my tagline and that pretty much sums it up. I’m a first-time dad who doesn’t like to read, so I make stuff up as I go along, blogging about it every step of the way. Kind of like a free-form jazz ensemble, but with more whine and less sax.

What do you think about the HBC project? You called me hot, dressed me up and took pictures. I’ve never felt more like a piece of meat in my entire life, and I can’t thank you enough for it.

What makes bloggers hot? The ability to grab you in funny places via your monitor, whether by wit, insight, humor, intelligence or confidence. Or if they look like a Disney princess.

What's the hottest thing about you? My son. Everyone loves the little guy. And since he’s not of age, I’m the sidekick who reaps the benefits. Like the older New Kids on the Block did when Joey McIntyre was 12.

What do you find hot in another person? The right answer is attitude. The real answer is resemblance to a cartoon. I’m a sucker for big eyes and a bright smile. Unless you’re a guy. Then you just look like Bob’s Big Boy.

Tell the story of one of your hottest moments ever. Was it funny? Serious? What made it hot? A few years ago, I was a contestant on The Big Date on USA Network. There’s nothing hotter than 3 girls trying to best one another by telling a national television audience how they would help you unwind after a long day. I actually won, but my date and I missed the Jamaica trip by one question, and had to go to the Long Beach Blues Festival instead. The hottest thing about that date was the chili booth, unfortunately. Funny thing is, people on the street recognized me even months later. Some people take their daytime game show watching a little too seriously. Don’t try to YouTube it. I already did and it’s not there.

Tell a funny story of one of your least hot moments ever. How did you get through it?
I had a girlfriend who asked me to wear a shirt that she bought for her ex which “he wouldn’t wear.” Yeah, I know. And yes, I did. And to go with this white stretch fabric Versace shirt with the mesh back, she picked out a matching pair of pleather DKNY pants. How did I get through my night out as a Night at the Roxbury extra? The same way I get through everything else that life throws at me: lots and lots of booze.

(If you want to see what my spread looks like, I posted it on my Twitpic page, which you can access from my sidebar. It's that ugly purple box that says "BusyDad in Real-time." Ok, I'm going back into hiding now.)