The Thanksgiving Road Trip. Fast Food, Slow Cars and an Extreme Makeover.

Setting out on our big adventure...


Ok family, we’re packing up the behemoth! This baby gets a whopping 6 miles per gallon. It would be cheaper to fly. First class. Why, then, are we doing this? There’s a family of turtles in need of a new home, and we’ve got it right here:


Dad is hungry. Dad is not too bright. Dad wolfs down 6 McNuggets, a Filet-o-Fish, a Big ‘n Tasty and a Cheeseburger.

Once all that food hits that Starbucks grande drip already in my stomach, this iron constitution will be tested to its fullest. And failure is not an option. This is all we see in front of us:

We make it without incident through our first tank of gas. Let’s fill up. $3.65 a gallon?? Hey, Fury, for every 17 miles we go, that’s one less Bionicle I can buy you.

Ewww. What’s that smell? Did all that McDonald’s finally kick in? Luckily no, it’s just something us LA folk never encounter. We can inhale industrial smog and vehicle exhaust with the best of 'em -- but cow poo? Drive faster Dad!

CrumbVision 1.0: the latest DVD viewing technology!

“Hey Dad, how much longer until Blood Alley?”
Marcus has been asking that all trip long. Blood Alley is a tricky stretch of highway 37 known for its many fatalities.
“Not for another 3 hours, Fury.”

He fights the urge to sleep. Time passes.
“Is this Blood Alley?”
“Nope... maybe in about an hour.”
I am amazed. He hasn’t slept the entire trip. He’s got a miner’s light on, so that he can draw in his notebook to stay awake for Blood Alley.

“Okay Fury, we’re in Blood Alley now!”
Disappointment. Poor boy. He thought Blood Alley would actually be covered in blood. I should have clarified that a little earlier. My bad.

A few moments later, I notice a beam of light shining on the ceiling of the cab. Marcus’s head is tipped back. He has succumbed to sleep.

We finally make it! Energized and excited, Marcus rings the bell and hides:

Seeing family is always a good time!

Thanksgiving comes and goes. No pictures, no stories. Just lots and lots to eat and some fuzzy food coma-induced memories...

Black Friday arrives. I live dangerously, but not enough to brave the crowds at the mall. No, instead we’re kicking off “Extreme Makeover: Turtle Edition” today.

Here’s the lucky family. Mama turtle’s job as an extra on Wonderpets just isn’t enough to keep the two-brick tank filled with fresh water and crickets. They live in the rough part of the house: the Garage District, on top of an old file cabinet.

The crew gets to work:



Presenting your new home! 125 gallons of living space in Sunroom Springs, with fresh flowing water, 2 basking areas, double heaters and all the goldfish you can eat! Probably the best Thanksgiving any turtle ever had.