The minivan of the future won't have lasers

One of the best things about having a blog is that really fun stuff happens. It’s not everyday that a major auto manufacturer asks you “hey, can your kid draw the minivan of the future so we can animate it for you?” Duh. Of course! “Can we also pay you money to allow us to do this?”

Oh you mean like make my kid his own cartoon video that he narrates, so you can put it on the Chrysler blog, so when his friends ask what he did last weekend he can say “oh nothing much. Automotive industry pioneer Chrysler commissioned me for a drawing and used it in a national marketing campaign and you can see it at http://blog.chrysler.com/vehicles/next30years/ (because he always reads off full URLs to his friends) and then dad took me to Hot Topic with the money and we spent it on pop cultural artifacts he’d usually not let me buy, because something about college tuition, and then we ordered all of the milkshakes.” At which point his friend crushes the popsicle stick Optimus Prime that he made last weekend underfoot.

Yes, of course you can pay me for that <-- this is called a well hidden, integrated disclosure statement. More disclosure: I probably would have paid them for that. But that would cause a tear in the blogger/brand continuum so I negotiated hard. Now I’m writing this astride my very own camel with a laptop saddle/charging dock powered by the sun. If you want the good brand swag you have to be willing to fight for it.

So what was this all about? Basically, it’s the 30th anniversary of the minivan, which Chrysler invented. I remember that, actually. I pushed my dad hard to buy one because it had a sliding door from the future. Instead, he bought a Camaro. In hindsight, never argue with dad. He is always right. While no minivan made by anyone could ever compete for a spot in my heart for that ’84 Camaro, I have to give Chrysler props for changing the way families transport their children (lying in the back of the station wagon with the groceries was my mode of transport back in the day).

And they'll probably keep on innovating for the next 30 years. Of course, now they have the power of crowdsourcing to help steer them in the right direction. Chrysler asked Fury if he could help them envision the minivan of the future. I was excited about this because I envisioned laser guns, hyperdrive and all sorts of cool stuff coming from him. His response to my vision?

"Dad, think back 30 years. That was like the 1980s. Cars weren't that different back then. We probably thought cars could fly in 30 years.  I'm not going to do that. I will look stupid."

"But Fury, they want you to imagine. Imagine the future. Think Star Wars!"

"The terrain will be different because of war and natural disasters. I will add all-terrain corkscrew wheels."

Some peoples' kids are dreamers. Some are strategizers. 

So, here's a well thought-out, practical and attainable vision for the minivan of THE FUTURE 30 short years from now, as strategized by my son. He likely already called his lawyer to patent this idea. Sorry Chrysler, I'm sure your legal team did not anticipate this move.

I love this video, but I cannot help but feel a void where MY vision of the future should be. What about my dreams? What about a minivan that I would want to buy for my family a generation from now? I strategize for a living. On my blog, I want to dream. So Chrysler, I submit to you my minivan of the future. 

Presenting the Chrysler 2044 Town and Country. Key features include: 

  • Military grade half-track truck mobility for a comfortable post-apocalyptic ride with the option of Zombie mode (for negotiating terrain with more organic debris) or Skynet mode (for transport across infrastructure damage and better maneuverability for avoiding hunter-killer drones).
  • Strong box for survival essentials made by Gladiator Garageworks because I renovated my garage a few years ago and couldn't afford to install Gladiator Garageworks cabinets, and this is my dream so let me have it.
  • Astromech navigation/companion because, Star Wars.
  • Ghost flames. Of course. 

Please animate this, Chrysler. Or better yet, just build it. I haven't patented it yet.