The Meme to End All Memes

So this meme has been all over the place lately. I’ve held my breath while surfing, popped Airborne before logging on, and put on an extra sweater before opening my Google Reader, but to no avail. Serves me right for sharing my milk and cookies with BMG Mom of Being a Mom is Great. I got tagged on Sunday night for this one.

The Rules:
1.Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.
2.Pick your month of birth.
3.Copy-paste the traits for all the twelve months (see below).
4.Highlight the traits that apply to you and if you would like write some wit or not.
5.Tag 12 people and let them know by visiting their blogs and leaving a comment for them.
6.Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve done it!

My birthday is July 22nd (remember that. I expect e-cards, people!). July people are supposedly:

  • Fun to be with. If you like to eat, drink and be merry.
  • Secretive. I’d be a horrible spy. Chinese water torture? Nah, just give me two beers and I’m singing like a canary. On the karaoke machine.
  • Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Only if you can’t eat, drink and be merry.
  • Quiet unless excited or tensed. I’m always excited, so this remains untested.
  • Takes pride in oneself. I am king of the world! In the most humble way...
  • Has reputation. Any PR is good PR, right?
  • Easily consoled. Don’t know. Never needed it.
  • Honest. Did you believe the above?
  • Concerned about people’s feelings. Only if I like said people.
  • Tactful. With a capital T, baby.
  • Friendly. With a capital F – unless you’re stealing my parking spot, in which case I’ve got another capital F for ya.
  • Approachable. If you can get past the shaved head and perpetual scowl (often applied on my daily train ride through South Central for self-preservation purposes), then absolutely.
  • Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. I’m a man. I’m more predictable than Pavlov’s entire kennel.
  • Moody and easily hurt. Bulletproof.
  • Witty and sparkly. Can I a la carte this one? If not, then no. I will give up witty for fear of admitting to sparkly.
  • Not revengeful. Oh come on. I’m a descendant from the Shaolin Temple. My whole life’s mission has been to avenge my great-great-great-great-grandfather’s third cousin’s great-grandfather in a spectacular grand finale battle. However, I’m afraid the last living descendant of the clan who crossed us is a CPA in Monterey Park, so it might be as uneventful as me going to his cubicle and punching him in the face.
  • Forgiving but never forgets. See above. Some Chinese guy is getting his glasses broken by another random Chinese guy, millennia after the fact.
  • Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Who can do this meme and say this is true with a clear conscience?
  • Guides others physically and mentally. I have successfully potty trained a toddler.
  • Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. I have to get back to you on that after more careful thought.
  • Caring and loving. Sure, but not in a Hallmark sort of way.
  • Treats others equally. Only if they deserve it. I can be pretty damn unequal.
  • Strong sense of sympathy. See above. I can be a cold, vengeful bastard too.
  • Wary and sharp. If I’ve had more than 8 hours sleep. Which is never.
  • Judges people through observations. That, and through the People’s Court. Judge Milian rules!
  • Hardworking. I sit 4 HOURS on the LA Metro, just to get to and from the place where I work. Hell yeah I’m claiming this one.
  • No difficulties in studying. Does hating it count as difficulty?
  • Loves to be alone. Like tomato juice, there’s definitely a time and place for it (like on a plane – what is it about airplanes that triggers a sudden affinity for tomato juice??), though it’s not my state of choice.
  • Always broods about the past and the old friends. Brooding sounds so dark and evil. How about “reflects fondly upon”?
  • Likes to be quiet. I was a straight A student as a kid – except for conduct. C’s across the board because I can’t shut up.
  • Homely person. Hells ya, I gots mad love for my homies! Wait, wrong word. What’s homely anyway? No I don’t sit home and knit. I knit while rollin’ in my 64.
  • Waits for friends. Just don’t be more than 10 minutes late.
  • Never looks for friends. Only if you’re on time mofo!
  • Not aggressive unless provoked. Don’t poke me with that stick, Mr. Animal Planet guy.
  • Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. For someone who will eat absolutely anything, my ratio of weird food to stomach ailments is low.
  • Loves to be loved. It makes me smile. Does that count?
  • Easily hurt but takes long to recover. I told you once and I won’t say it again. I am bulletproof! Now leave me alone!… sniff sniff. (hey that sentence makes no sense, shouldn’t it be “NOT easily hurt but takes long to recover,” or “easily hurt but DOESN’T take long to recover?” Sorry, editing is part of my job.)

As for tagging others? It’s the end of the year. Time for some new ones. It was fun though.

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.