The Distinguished Gentleman

Distinguishing marks, that is. I'm covered in 'em. And honestly, I had no idea so many of you were too. But thanks to Sunshine from And the Pursuit of Happiness, we're doing a little showing off today. Sunshine is hosting a tattoo party over at her place and invited all of us inked bloggers to submit our tattoos to let all her readers try to match them with their owner. We kept them guessing a few days and today is the final reveal. So without further ado, this guy right here:


Was me. And as the rules of the game state, I'm supposed to tell you a little something now about my tattoo(s). Let's work this chronologically:

Koi, circa 1995

TattooKoi.jpgI got this one in L.A. before I moved out to L.A. I was here to scope out a possible move and thought "well, hell! what do people do in Los Angeles? They get inked!" So I visited Sunset Strip Tattoo and got this here tattoo done by Eric Blair. He has done some truly amazing work, but I guess his claim to fame back then was that he was the guy who did Tommy and Pamela's tattooed wedding bands. Why did I get a koi? I'm a fish nerd who wants to be a badass. I told him to "make me a fish, but make it mean, like with angry eyes and stuff."

Rat, circa 1996 TattooRat.jpg

Once you get your first tattoo, it is really hard to stop. I mean, you've permanently scarred your body already. You might as well do something interesting with it. 1996 was the year of the rat. I was born on the year of the rat. Doesn't that make total sense? By this time, I was already living in L.A. And I worked across the street from Sunset Strip Tattoo. So I paid Eric another visit. "I'd like a rat. But make it mean, with like angry eyes and stuff."

Scorpion, circa 1998 

TattooScorpion.jpgNo eyes. But still mean looking. And Eric Blair once more. This was one of those "fulfilling the fix" tattoos. I just needed another one. I went to the shop, flipped through the portfolio and found the coolest, meanest thing I could find. I really wanted a skull, but thought "what am I going to do with a skull when I'm 70?" Probably the same thing I'm going to do with a scorpion at 70. People ask me all the time if I'm a scorpio. I should just change by birthday to give this tattoo a little more relevance.

The Oops, circa 1999

So I got into a fight with my girlfriend one day. She claimed I was not into her, or not committed or something.  I wanted to prove her wrong. So I went to Old Town Tattoo in Pasadena and got a heart with her nickname on it, right on my chest. Why didn't I go to Eric Blair? He would have smacked me upside the head.

The Yakuza Cover-Up, circa 2002 

TattooChest.jpgI was married to d Wife by this time, and that heart tattoo became somewhat of an issue (ya think???).Time to visit Eric once more and confess to him that I had strayed. I also thought it was time to connect my random animal tattoos. I felt like a freaking zoo with all of God's creatures basking on my body. I tasked Eric with the job of not only covering up the Oops, but also connecting everything into a more unified graphic. It took 2 days, but when it was all done, I couldn't look in the mirror without reflexively making some angry eyes and stuff. It was that badass.

TattooCollar.jpgI love my tatttoos. And I love to show them off. But I also love the fact that they're totally disguiseable. Thug lite, if you will. This enables me to slip through corporate America incognito. A double life, I lead. Now I am entrusting you, my loyal readers with keeping my secret identity under wraps. Because the next time we meet, I'll likely look like this: