The Density of Man

On Sunday night, we met up with my friend Lolita and her boys and MrLady, who works for me (I know I didn't have to bring that up, but she has a better blog than I do and I'm petty) and is in town for the week. Since we had the kids with us, we thought it might be fun to have dinner at the restaurant adjoining the local bowling alley.

After everyone was fed, we hit the lanes. Shoes were rented and a kid-sized ball acquired. While the grownups sat and talked, Jaden, Jack and Fury bowled. But with one ball between the three of them, the game dragged, as they had to wait for the ball to make its way back after every roll.

Sometime after the 3rd or 4th frame, two kid-sized balls magically rolled up into the ball bullpen of the lane next to us (I have no idea what that's called - you know, the place where the balls rest after they are shot back to you from the pin area??). Being that the lane was empty, I strolled over to grab the balls. But just as I picked them up, I noticed some hip young folks walking over to use the lane. As I scanned the group for little kids who might need the ball, I noticed her:

I usually don't care about celebrity sightings and all that, but Avril Lavigne is one of those pseudo crushes you never admit to, but your wife totally knows about because you linger too long on Proactiv commercials when you channel surf. I'm usually not at a loss for words either, except when I am forced into situations where I have one chance to talk to a celebrity crush or else go through life wondering "what if..."

Realizing the futility of saying something witty and memorable, I resigned to merely inquiring "uh, are you going to be needing these kids' balls?"

"Yes... I totally need those kids balls..." she replied, injecting an artful pause before letting me off the hook with a smile. "Just kidding, you can have them!"

I think I may have said "mmmrrgsnhfthanks" before running off with her balls.

I may have also tried to tell my wife how cool it was that Avril Lavigne talked to me, and she might have said "Jim, good for you. I don't really care..."

With three balls to use, the rest of the game went by quickly, and soon it was time to go. Lessi was tucked back into her stroller and... uh oh, there was one step to climb to leave the lane area!!

"It's one stair," MrLady remarked. "Just lift the stroller."

"No," Lolita pointed out. "He wants to take the ramp."

Sure, it was inconvenient to wheel my adorable, irresistible baby girl up the ramp right past a certain pop punk princess enjoying a night of bowling. But safety first!

As I skillfully maneuvered Lessi up the ramp, Avril caught a glimpse of her and squealed "Oh! she's the cutest baby ever!!"


Grinning, I made my way back to the group, fiddling with the stroller handle that had just come loose.

"So what happened?" asked d Wife.

I quickly volunteered "omigod, I walked by her and she said Lessi's the cutest baby ever! and---"

"Not THAT! What's wrong with the handle!" d Wife shot back.

MrLady looked at d Wife, whose hands were full, looked back at me. And smacked me.

The average weight of a human male brain is 3 lbs. Average density? Like kevlar.