The Closest Thing to Jurassic Park
Tuesday, August 19, 2008 I've been to the world famous San Diego Wild Animal Park. It bored me to death. When you have to crane your neck staring down a ravine to catch a glimpse of a tiger's tail behind a bush, you immediately start thinking of more intoxicating ways you could have wasted a hundred bucks. So when d Wife suggested that we all go visit Safari West on our recent trip up north to visit relatives, I was a bit skeptical. Safari West is a wild animal park that was founded by some rich guy who fell in love with some wild animals that his movie producer dad used for a movie shoot some years back (I really should have done some better fact gathering before doing a post on it, but oh well). But what started out as a Neverland Ranch kind of deal evolved into one of the best ways to almost get gored by a wild animal. Safari West kicks ass. Here's our picture story (it's been a while since I've done one of these):
T-Rex shirt? Check. Headwear? oops. Parents aren't perfect. Luckily Uncle Dave has one. Pre-emptive pee (it's a 3-hour tour)? Check. All systems go.
The walking tour is first. They have a bird area with birds from all over the world. Even ones that are extinct in the wild. Very cool. Sad in the grand scheme of things, but cool here. This is Fury with a couple of Mandarin Ducks.
If you know me at all, you know I'm thinking "Peking Duck" (chill. Mandarin Ducks are not endangered).
Next up, the Cheetah cage.
Since Cheetahs aren't climbers, the fence is relatively low. Which means recently one of the spotted hens flew over and into the pen during a 2nd grade field trip. Lucky kids got to see Darwinism in action. I'm beginning to dig this place and I haven't even gotten into the Jeep yet.
Check out the bench on the roof of the Jeep. Cool! This ain't no San Diego Wild Animal Park tram thing. This is a real Korean War era troop transport vehicle modified for the unforgiving terrain and killer climate associated with wine country!
Our guide gives us a quick briefing on the rules. Most important rule: the animals can touch you, but you cannot touch the animals. Oh - strip club rules? That's all you had to say. She gives us a live demonstration of the only weapon available if the animals get out of hand. See below.
Fury (with our cousin Nicole) is doing his version of "Don't tase me, bro!" Except the taser in this case is just a spray bottle filled with water. Our bichon isn't even phased by a spray bottle. I really hope we don't piss off any Rhinos today. Speak of the devil!
That crazy dude talking to the Rhino is the park's resident trainer. When we drove up, it was just him, 2 huge rhinos and a golf cart. I called him crazy dude for a reason. Sure, Rhinos are good natured lumbering giants who are a little slow. But so was Lennie Small (that will be the only reference to real literature you will ever get from me. BD don't read). Crazy. Moving on.
These are some African cattle (forgot the proper name). They have big horns. The park actually loans these guys out to Texas ranchers to breed with Texas Longhorns. The herd has one freak that was born with male (heavy thick horns) and female (long horns) traits. Poor thing can't even hold his/her head up. I didn't get a picture. It was too sad.
Wine country is indeed beautiful. Even a fool like me can snap a decent photo with subject matter like this.
As we make our away into the hills, our guide tenses up as she speaks into the walkie. I keep hearing "Mary Lou (or some name like that) is at the gate. She is at the gate." A few more times, that same conversation occurs. I'm thinking Mary Lou must be some badass lion or something. This is Mary Lou:
What? That's it? An Antelope looking thingy? But then she tells us the story. Mary Lou (or whatever her name is) is a Gembuck with an attitude. She doesn't like being fenced into this enclosure (even though it encloses acres and acres of hilly mountainside), so every time one of the guides opens the gate to drive in, she tries to escape. Not too long ago, Mary Lou rammed one of her horns through a guide's arm! They put her in solitary for a few months and then on the day they let her out, she rammed a horn through another guide's face!! And another time, she jumped into the empty driver's seat when the guide was unlocking the gate and got her horns entangled in the steering wheel, breaking off a piece of it (her horn) in the process. See, this is what makes Safari West so superior. If there's no threat of impalement, seeing animals up close and personal is really no fun. In fact, it's kind of a letdown.
That's not to say cute storybook animals can't be cool. Like this Zebra for example.
Yes, that is the ever-elusive d Wife. Still not wanting to be shown to the world. No problem, all the more attention for me. See how we compliment each other that way?
Halfway through the tour, it is time to rotate seats so that all the people who wanted to sit on the roof can get a turn. I have a bottle of water in one hand and a camera in the other as I make my way out of the vehicle. I fancy myself to be a ninja sometimes so I decide to take a flying leap out of the jeep. My sometime was not now. Since I had the camera, this "did not quite stick the landing" moment was not documented. However, the Busy Family Players produced a reasonable re-creation for your reading enjoyment after the tour was over. And here it is:
After I pick my ass and pride off the ground, I climb (very carefully) up to the roof seat. The view is spectacular!
Oh, by the way, in case you were wondering if d Wife and I ever resolved the shoe dispute from my last post, this is what we eventually settled upon a few days later. Not as cool as the Cole Haan Air Dereks I had to replace (they discontinued them!), but at least we both dig them a little bit.
On this tour, I discovered my new favorite animal: the Cape Buffalo. I'm sure you've seen pictures of them before. I also recall them from many a Far Side comic. They don't look like anything special. Basically a cow with funny looking horns that look almost Farah Fawcett-esque straight on. But don't let their looks fool you. Cape Buffalo are straight gangsta!! As we drove up to the shelter where the alpha bull was chillin with seven (yes, seven!) of his lady friends, our guide told us that Cape Buffalo have been known to roll up to the campsite of a hunter who has killed one of their own earlier in the day and stomp him to death. On this very same tour, one recently charged the jeep inflicting major damage and sudden onset buffalo phobia among its passengers. Putting unarmed tourists (unless you count a spray bottle) in a loud metal box and rolling them within 15 feet of Africa's second deadliest animal is ballsy. And I love it. Kudos to Safari West! By the way, have you seen the "Battle at Kruger" video on YouTube? Cape Buffalo are bad ass pimps.
Our three hours fly by. We're thoroughly entertained, educated and enlightened. What do you do after an experience like that? You smile a big smile and pose for the family shot (Sorry, d wife still doesn't want to be revealed. No, she is not a celebrity... or is she?).
Bonus Pic:
When we left Santa Rosa on Sunday, there happened to be an air show going on at the airport. Fury got to see vintage WWII aircraft doing maneuvers and F-15's pulling G's and breaking the sound barrier. You simply cannot find a better way to top a weekend trip!
Reader Comments (39)
Very cool. Looks like a great adventure. Great pics. Did you know d'wife's head is square?
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[BusyDad] All the better to frame Arial font in, my dear.
I hope Fury has read fave children classic "PING" .. he may never eat a duck again! This was such a good photo tour of your trip. I definitely am a fan of the "don't tase me bro" shot along with your reenactment. The animals were gorgeous.. I remember in Korea we'd ride through similar safariesque parks with steaks attached to our shoddy buses to tease the lions.
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[BusyDad] Ping sounds familiar... maybe I read that as a kid? No, wait, I LOVE duck. And that Korean safari sounds way hardcore!! I'd love to go on that one.
I went to the "San Diego Zoo's Wild Animal Park" last month..........it was very expensive and WTF happened to the Wambasa Train thingy I rode 20 something years ago when I was last there? And when did all that civilization encroach on it's borders? Of course these are rhetorical questions..........I too was disappointed. Sigh........Peace,
Mike.
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[BusyDad] It's all too safe now. Where's the fun in that??
Looks like a lot of fun! We visited a similar place here in the South not long ago. Not as many exotic animals, but plenty of bulls, deer, and even a giraffe or two!
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[BusyDad] Judge not an animal by its sharp teeth, just its willingness to bust up your vehicle.
I think that pimp hat needs to be on EVERY animal. Do they use super glue or heavy duty tape to get it to stay one?
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[BusyDad] Or at least on the alpha male of every herd. Way easier for scientists to identify.
Please tell me they have a hidden gun somewhere just in case you are all about to get mauled? Or was this, like, some sort of feeding expedition, unknown to the clueless passengers, the guides are presenting the animals' next meals? Turns out you guys got lucky and the animals didn't want to eat you.
I'll keep in mind to keep a spray bottle in my car...you know, just in case someone or something wild tries to attack me. I like to be prepared like that.
Ps. Top 10/100 List. :D
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[BusyDad] Nope. Spray bottle and our wits. That's it. Let me know if it works on carjackers. (dang I keep forgetting about that blog list! sorry!)
how exciting! that's great that you had a fun time with your family and were able to see animals during this trip!
*i came across your blog from another blog. :) i'll definitely be adding you to my blog list!
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[BusyDad] Thanks for dropping by Janina! Always nice to see new folks come by. And actually stick around :)
That was really cool. We have a wildlife center here where we can feed the animals as we ride on a wagon. Except our tour guide said that zebras are mean and we aren't allowed to touch them. But ya know what, we never got any kind of defense item such as a water bottle. I guess I could always have a beatdown with my bucket of food. LOL
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[BusyDad] Zebras ARE mean. But to each other. There was this one zebra in the herd who is ostracized because she was hand raised (as opposed to raised in the wild). We saw her wandering by herself in another sector. Like d wife said, so high school!
You mean I didn't have to trek to Florida and Animal Kingdom? I could've gone to Santa Rosa?!? Looks like a great time was had by all!
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[BusyDad] Seriously. This place is so underpublicized. On opening day back in the late 80s or so, they said not ONE person showed up.
Looks like a fun trip! I can't wait until my son is old enough to go on safaris and zoos to see all the animals!
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[BusyDad] And laugh at them pooping. THAT'S when it gets really fun.
Thanks for the 8:24 timesuck for the Battle at Kruger video clip. THAT KICKED SO MUCH ASS! TOTALLY WORTH IT! I'm gonna show my boys that when they get home from school. Those lions were all, yah, that;s what I'm talkin about when they all gang up and slowly torture the baby buffallo. Then the buffalo were all "I got your back baby buf. Me and posse here 'll take care o' dese coward-ass bully lion pansies. Take that mother scratchers. Want some o dat? Oh yeah, whose your daddy? You still here? Go on sucka!" I should write for Hollywood.
KEEP BELIEVING
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[BusyDad] You are cracking me up here Angie... I'll take your soundtrack over the original anyday. Add the theme to Shaft in the background and you've got yourself one bad ass video.
One more thing..........make that two more things....or three. Honorable mention for SDZWAP.....(see my previous comment) I'd like to thank the meerkat who was showing us his junk, and those birds who look like parrots, (you know. You buy the nectar go through the screen door they attack you and pee on you?) Good times.......haha. Oh and d'wife is hot! Peace, Mike.
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[BusyDad] Meerkat junk and parrot pee = perfect day trip. Ah, you are a blackout square kind of guy, eh?
The nice thing about living close to Washington DC is that all of the stuff is free. The downside is that there is nothing that sounds this exciting! Actually, when we go to the zoo it seems that more things are "exhibit temporarily closed" than there are actual animals. Maybe if they charged a cover they could have better upkeep and have the animals actually attack the guides!
Great Photo Story.
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[BusyDad] Thanks Rob! If they charged a cover and served booze it would be even better! Like a nightclub with scheduled maulings. I'd go.
Well, this just proves that Fury looks like you!
Totally dig the photo posts. Pimp hats and re-enactments of you falling on your ass are ALWAYS win.
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[BusyDad] Only I can turn a Ninja Fail into a Blog Win, or something.
So about those shoes. Because I STILL cannot grasp the concept, even though you explained it to me. As did many other men whom I asked about it. Why in the name of all that is HOLY would you feel the need to compromise on a pair of shoes? I GET it, I know, blah blah, but dude. If you only KIND of like them, what is the point? Aaarrgh. The trip sounds so great, BTW.
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[BusyDad] Kori kori... you crackin me up. NEITHER of us really jumped at those shoes. I am very picky about shoes and this was the closest I could find to something I liked (and she didn't dislike).
Hey you didn't take pictures of the pretty masai and reticulated giraffes?! What about the awesome tent-huts that people can sleep in?! I wanna go back for the Twilight Tour! Oh and that evil anteloper's name is Cindy Lou. And what about that poor lone zebra who kept getting beat up when she wanted to join the herd but can't because she's hand-raised and they could smell her a mile away... so highschool.
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[BusyDad] So "mean girls"! Well, you pretty much filled in the rest of the trip, saving me the effort. Thanks wife! Yes, folks, you can actually sleep there at night in luxury tents. We didn't do it, but it looks like fun.
We so have to go there. I'm going to check it out. It looks way better than the San Diego Wild Animal Park. You're right...that place is boring. Great pics!!!
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[BusyDad] Totally - way better, way more up close and personal. WAY less crowded. That is perhaps the best part. And it's in wine country. Can't beat that.
I know I'm older than you, but will you be my Dad?
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[BusyDad] If you write some funny posts for me, sure!
Bitchin'!
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[BusyDad] Pretty much captures it.
That video was awesome! Way to go Buffalos. Looks like you had a great time too.
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[BusyDad] Yeah, they're pretty much my (new) favorite animal.
Oh, I just love it! Starting with the pre-emptive pee, including the square head of dWife and finishing with the very nice photo of Fury (with Bada, no?). So glad to see another photo post. You know how I love these!!
Excellent post.
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[BusyDad] Thanks SoapyB! And that is actually Original Bada's stand-in, New Bada. Original Bada is in that display box enjoying his retirement.
That sounds like a very cool outing! And as for d'Wife, I'm sure she's a celeb in your eyes. ;-)
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[BusyDad] She's the VIP. I'm merely a member of her entourage.
WHAT???? I used to live just down the road in Petaluma and I've never even heard of Safari West!! How could I have left without ever getting my safari on?? Man, I'm bummed now for the rest of the day....
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[BusyDad] Trust me, they are a hidden treasure even within Santa Rosa. I think this was everyone but one cousin's first time there (and I think she went on a field trip or something), and they pretty much grew up in Santa Rosa.
Excellent adventure! There's a similar safari here called Zoobic Safari where you get to see tigers being fed with chickens strapped to the sides of your jeep!
I think that air show totally capped it all off!
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[BusyDad] Fury and d Wife actually went to Zoobic last year when they went to visit the grandparents in Manila. I've got a pic somewhere on this blog of Fury feeding a bottle to a baby tiger. Totally cool.
I love air shows. The benefits of growing up on military bases. Blue Angels, Thunderbirds .. awesome.
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[BusyDad] That was my first airshow and it was truly kick ass. Really makes you feel like a kid to oooh and ahhh at military machines.
It was a great time, even when the tour guide went all out on the 4 wheeling...Great time for Fury and lets not forget me I'm still eating that great guacamolly dip you made.
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[BusyDad] Yup! Totally worth getting roasted in the hot sun. Glad you're getting the most out of that Guacamole Uncle Dave! Chowder next time, promise!
see? We ARE related! I didn't know you even knew about that kruger clip. And you thought I was crazy for going abroad to see it in person? btw it's gemsbok, with a throat scratch at the g. ;) Jealous you went on a far side safari. Gary Larson would have enjoyed your trip!
Haha busy family players. Too funny.
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[d Bro] Hmm now I actually kind of want to go to Africa.
Last semester our school had tickets for FIVE bucks to go to Safari West, but they sold out like hot cakes. Student residents have all the fun. I hope no one tells my boyfriend about the air show. If he finds out we drove down to So Cal right when Sonoma was getting fun he'll be so upset...
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[BusyDad] The secret is safe with me. Unless he reads this. But otherwise. Zip.
Safari West kicks ass and so do you, check out my blog =)
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[BusyDad] And so do you. Who else would make home brew with mutant strains of industrial yeast? That's hall of fame material!
Were you strapped in on top of that truck? One wrong turn, and you'd be a gonner. That drop off's a doozy!
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[BusyDad] Yes indeed! But being strapped in also means you're a sitting duck when they drive under low hanging branches. It's all about authenticity though, right?
My boys would love that. And no one got eaten? The wild animal park near our city just closed because a tiger attacked and killed a handler. The are wild animals, after all.
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[BusyDad] Yikes! Luckily all the free-roaming ones were herbivores. At worst they steal your fruit. Or gore you I guess...
Seriously a water bottle? Umm, hello how does that work on Mary Lou? I'll take a Bazooka please, and not the gum.
Looks like a very fun adventure you guys had!
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[BusyDad] Seriously, I think I'd rather use that bottle as a club than just spritz a charging beast.
Can't believe you fell on the ninja move, man! "Must have balance."
Looks awesome. We have to get down there one of these days.
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[BusyDad] And I wasn't even drinking!! yet.
As if I never see him, it's still amazing that fury's gotten so big :) So cute he brought new bada with him. And still cracks me up you put the pimp hat on that poor buffalo.
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[d Bro] Those who deserve it get the pimp hat. Human or otherwise.
BD, you always manage to make me laugh out loud. Too funny.
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[BusyDad] Makes all the falling on my ass (and re-creating it) worthwhile! Thanks Maria :)
Aw, crap... I wish I had known about that place when I was down at Skywalker Ranch in 05... it sounds like it's not too far from Petaluma where we were staying! Great photos, love the 're-enactment'.
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[BusyDad] Skywalker Ranch! Not too shabby. In fact, totally jealous.
Safari West does sound way cooler than San Diego's park.
The thought "FOOD" also popped into my head when I saw the mandarin ducks...mmmm.
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[BusyDad] Where's the hoisin sauce?
Pretty sweet, man! Looks like you all had a really good time! I need to get me a Safari Jeep...they look like they would be a blast to romp around in. :D
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[BusyDad] Especially the roof surfing part!
Hey BD! Thanks for the info on Safari West. Our Northern Cal family keeps telling us how we GOTS to go there. Now I see why - it looks like a good time was had by one and all. :)
Newcastle wishes and Astroturf dreams!
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[BusyDad] Christine! Cheers to you. I'm wishing I had astroturf right about now...