The Adventures of Agent 00Fury

Hi, this is Secret Agent 00Fury. As my title implies, my work is highly classified. But through a special arrangement with Noggin, I've allowed cameras to follow me around for a day. Let's hope you catch me doing more than just milking every minute of computer time I can get on this typical Saturday. One cannot expect to master LEGO Racers 2 just playing on the weekends, but someone tell that to my commanding officers! What hardasses. They expect me to use my creativity on the weekdays and play with actual toys and crafts and stuff.

Well it looks like even an elite secret agent can't catch a break this Saturday. I've just been informed that I'm needed for a special mission. Duty calls. So much for hanging out in my underwear all day.

At least I like looking sharp. To tell you the truth, I almost became an iron chef, but I enjoy sportin' the tux too much, you know?

Ok, I'm dressed to kill. But since I'm not old enough to drive, agents 00BusyDad (D.A.D for short) and 00dWife (M.O.M) have been assigned to provide vehicular support. D.A.D. needs to stop for coffee first. No, we secret agents don't just have a serum for that. I need to escort him in case the Ninja Assassin Guild catches wind that we're in the vicinity. Plus, I can practice the secret agent signature "walk briskly and look over the shoulder" move. And I think D.A.D. wants to show me off to the barista chicks.

I've got the microfilm and my LEGO Racers 2 disc too. The game will be mastered on the road on D.A.D.'s laptop.

I power the Comlink to interface with headquarters and receive today's mission briefing. Ok, so I'm playing LEGO Racers 2. Don't tell D.A.D.

09:58 Hours. Mission site reached. Scanning for Ninja Assassins. The coast is clear. I can't see over the roof, but looks good to me. A little vexed that I cannot bring the laptop with me, though.


D.A.D. briefs me on my directive for the day. We need to escort precious cargo from one end of this facility to the other. It is a mission fraught with peril and people going "awwww." D.A.D. tells me to sit right. A secret agent needs to be classy and stuff.


Eventually he gives up. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em...


"OK, Agent 00Fury, at least look like you're somewhat refined. Let's practice the intellectual library browsing thing."


We're approaching Zero Hour. I'm quickly re-briefed. There's this pillow, you see, and on this pillow are two rings. Two rings that are under my care and protection for the next hour or so. They call these the dual ultra power rings. D.A.D. says something about "yeah, ultra power alright" and walks away grumbling something incomprehensible about "where's that open bar"...


Some last minute preparations. A man can't kick Ninja Assassin ass with a crooked tie...


Nor without a last minute sugar infusion. Chewy Sweet Tarts. I swear by them ...


And there's always enough time to polish up my charm skills.

Lin... Fury Lin

It is time. Get in position, people. Nervous? No. I move only my eyes when I scan for Ninjas. I was ranked first in my class for Stealth.


The actual ceremony footage was filed away by the CIA. The predicted assault by Ninja Assassins did go down. Luckily I was able to kick those Ninjas "in that secret place" and send them all packing. The rings remained safe, and the union between Steven and Sarah (you may know her as D.A.D.'s friend who takes all those professional looking photos of me and also shot a lot of the footage from that China documentary that he keeps trying to shove down your throats because he went and bought new editing software for it and spent 3 days editing it with voiceovers, effects and music...) took place as planned.

So what does a secret agent do after a long day of hand-to-hand combat? Chill out with an appetizer portion of Ceviche of course!

On second thought, maybe not.

Sigh, the work of a secret agent is just SO tough...


Yup, like I said, sooooo difficult.


Just one minor incident to report during the banquet stage of this event. D.A.D. picked up this orb looking thing and said "00Fury! What does this look like!" Why a thermal detonator of course, said I. I don't think I have ever seen him so proud in my short stint as a secret agent. I rid that thermal detonator of all the candy - I mean explosives - inside.


Hey! I thought this one was classified! For the record, I did not inhale.


In the end, isn't this what it all comes down to? Shedding the uniform, unhooking the cufflinks and kicking back with a nice Ice Cream Martini...

Shaken, not stirred. Of course.

Mission Accomplished!

Armed (with boutonnieres) and dangerous.