You might be suffering from this fake disease, so watch my fake ad

Cell Displacia is no laughing matter. In fact, with 80 million victims each year in the US alone, you or someone you love may be suffering from it right now. So consider the ad below more of a PSA than an advertisement. Actually, the FTC requires that you consider it sponsored content for Asurion (the folks who have found a way to alleviate the symptoms of Cell Displacia by replacing your mobile device) . May I suggest that you just consider it another opportunity for me to do things like juggle flaming cell phones, wear duct tape underwear, jump off cars on a skateboard and generally put myself in harm's way for your amusement? Because that one makes the most sense. 

The bleak reality of a lost cell phone

Disclosure: I found overly sad music for the video, so it's not as armageddony as the soundtrack might lead you to believe. But it is a major pain to lose or break your phone. Also, no children were (permanently) hurt during the filming of this video. And yes that was a real machete, but it was really dull. Also, I almost didn't do this sponsored post because I thought "is cell phone insurance that relevant to me?" and then I remembered that this is Shannon's phone:

And while I was trying to think up an idea for this video, I removed the cover on my phone to wipe some grit off. Turns out it wasn't grit, it was phone shards.

Since I could not take a picture of my own phone, I asked Brendan to snap the above picture for me, at which point I noticed his phone:

In case cracked phones are getting a little old for you, here's our latest exhibit of relevance from the other day:

We are well qualified to represent that sample of the cell phone using population for whom cell phone insurance provided by Asurion would be a smart decision for us, and nothing but regret for Asurion. But that's not what I'm here for. I'm here to show you a video that we made to illustrate what a drag it is to lose your cell phone

The following is optional, but interesting. Here's some surprising facts I learned about this topic while working with Asurion on this project:

  • $5 billion worth of cell phones are lost or stolen every year. $400 of that is sitting at the bottom of a reservoir in Southern CA. Yeah, that was me. And yes, Asurion replaced it way before they approached me for this.
  • If you have one of the popular cell phones, just know that your chances of it being stolen or lost is 35% higher. Lost probably should be in quotes here.
  • Cell phone theft makes up more than 30% of robberies in major cities. I'm going to add that cell phones likely prevented robberies in the old days. I had a girlfriend whose brother came home one day in 1995 with his 20 lb cell phone (and most of his clothing) bloodied. He used it to knock a rival gang member out. No, there's no app for that.
  • 40% of Americans would rather get in a fight with their best friend than lose their cell phone. What if your best friend steals your phone? That's Jesse Pinkman level messed up for life, yo.

Until next time, keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and your cell phone insured. 

This post was sponsored by Asurion, and I hope not at all to their chagrin.