Monday
Dec172007
Son, may I ask...
Monday, December 17, 2007 Son, for the most part, I’ve got you figured out. But some things are still a mystery to me. I’d like to take this opportunity to pose a few questions that have been rattling ‘round in my head for a while:
- I know you don’t really dig McNuggets all that much, and you hate it when I get you apple dippers instead of fries, so why is it that you insist in getting a Happy Meal during weeks when they have a lame toy? Does our household really need two Shrek mix-n-match card dispensers left for dead under the coffee table?
- I know that toy packaging is appealing. But why is it that once you’ve welcomed that toy into your fold do you insist that I cut out the back of the box and save it so you can look at the picture? You can look at the real thing –- from any angle. For as long as you want. And it really dulls my kitchen shears.
- How is it that you can never remember what mom just asked you to do 15 seconds ago, but can effortlessly recall a keyboard shortcut I showed you last weekend for your Lego Star Wars II video game?
- Of all the dozens of random buttons and dials you can fiddle with in my truck, how is it that you always find the automatic “headlight off” override? At least it has forced me to purchase a really good set of jumper cables.
- How is it humanly possible that you can stay totally alert when I read to you at night, no matter how late it is? And how did you learn to catch every mistake that your poor dad utters when he’s drifting off into dreamland trying to get through these books? And do you have to laugh so heartily at my expense when this happens? Ok fine, I’ll give you that -- I guess hearing “on the pineapple” instead of “on the bus” would even make me laugh... if I were awake enough.
- Why must you insist on bringing one truck, 3 Bionicle guys and a gallon-sized Ziploc bag full of action figures whenever we go out to eat, but only play with one Bionicle guy? Can you at least poke your other toys around a little, so my toy transporting and intensive tracking efforts aren’t for naught?
- I know my phone is drop-proof and waterproof, but do you have to huck it at a wall or run it under the bathroom sink every time you get your hands on it? Just because I do it? Ok, I’ll give you that one too... It’s pretty darn cool isn’t it?
- Please explain to me how you derive pleasure from plucking hairs from my scalp with your teeth whenever I give you a shoulder ride?
- Does rolling your blue Play-Doh ball up and down Krypto’s back really enhance the overall Play-Doh experience? And I know dads can do anything, but plucking dog hair out of a hunk of clay is a tad tricky, even for me. Maybe you can use your teeth?
- Were you a squirrel monkey in a past life? I can think of no other explanation other than being safe from cheetahs that would explain why you feel the need to climb on me every time we dine.
Dining al papa
Reader Comments (19)
Great Questions...
I'd like to ask my own son just one...
"How do you manage to spit up on/leak through all of your 'cool' clothes, and yet when we put you in older, stained stuff, you stay as dry and as clean as can be?"
At 5-months, I can tell I've got a little squirrel-monkey in training as well...we gotta watch out for those cheetahs!
Thanks for sharing, Busy! :)
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[BusyDad] Oh - good one. And one that shall remain unanswered, unfortunately. And here's a tip: spidermonkeys, mealtimes and expensive sunglasses don't mix.
If you only knew how many time I ponder your number six post. I lug power rangers all across Long Island for him to either never play with them OR he plays with the smallest one in the pack..
They do keep life interesting!!
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[BusyDad] Oh good! It's reassuring to know I'm not the only toy pack mule around!
Kids are too much! The stuff they come up with and do never ceases to amaze me. Hey, is Fury getting any new Bionicles for Christmas? Benjamin is gonna flip because he's getting three new ones.
You are a cool dad b/c you let him take toys out of the house. I'm a mean mom in that department.
Does he call you "Papa"?
/incoherent response due to early rising
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[BusyDad] Funny, you know what? My grandma sent him some money for Xmas, so we took some of that for his savings and gave him some to pick his own present from great-grandma. Guess what he got? yup. (I guess he DID get his pre-Christmas present after all! haha). And yeah, Fury never had a pacifier, so I guess the toys served as his comfort substitute. And no, he doesn't call me papa. I figured it sounded more culinary than "Dad". What a long response. I could have made this a post! Thanks for visiting double-O mama. I always like it when you drop by...
classic!! I'm laughing my ass off at "it really dulls my kitchen shears." And WHY do they need the picture on the back of the box? Did he have an answer for that one? because we're dealing with that at the moment too. we have this giant polly pocket jumbo jet box right alongside the giant polly pocket jumbo jet....
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[BusyDad] Hey CF! Sorry to say the only answer I ever get is "I like it" -- I guess that's as good an answer as I'll ever get. Ok, sometimes they put a nice backdrop on the picture like a cool battle scene, but we have this Playmobil pirate set whose picture is literally all the pieces that the set comes with, against a blue background. That's it. But it broke his heart when I tried to throw it away. I felt too evil, so out with the kitchen shears... again.
Oh! And don't forget about:
And why is it that when you somehow manage to lose one of those random "only play with every seventh Sunday of the month" toys from said ziploc bag, you act as if your entire world is coming to an end? And then after I gather together our entire entourage (3 kids, diaper bag, stroller, purse, camera case, keys, sanity, etc.) to retrace all of our 75 million steps for the day only to eventually find said toy wedged in the backseat of the car that we've been driving around in the whole time, you simply stuff it back into the ziploc bag to wait for that next seventh Sunday?
If you get an answer to any of those, BD, please PLEASE pass it on. After all... It's us against them, man, us against them. :)
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[BusyDad] Oh man... how could I forget that one! We did the same thing once over a Lincoln log!! No, not a set of Lincoln logs. ONE Lincoln log!! Kids are like Navy Seals: leave none behind. That's why you love em (and that's why they drive you nuts too).
You've just given me a MAJOR flashback to my childhood, I used to LOVE using the pictures from toy boxes as the backdrop to playing with them. little mini grand canyons and manhattans....
They were like little 'other worlds' that my toys belonged to.
Oh man, you've given me a trip lol!
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[BusyDad] And you've given me the answer! 9 to go... you didn't happen to gnaw on your dad's scalp did you? I really would like to get to the bottom of that one.
I would think you would look more bruised and battered than you do. And that finger in the eye looks painful.
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[BusyDad] The body adjusts! It's mostly scratches and patches of missing hair these days.
True dat. I love this post. A definite read to him when he has his thirteenth birthday party. #1 is absolutely universal...at least it applies to me too, under,inside and around my coffee table has and will always be a fast food toy dumping ground.
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[BusyDad] We recently re-organized Fury's toy bins, and I had to actually create a bin for all things Happy Meal. So now he has Bionicle, Lego, Hotwheels, Action Figures, and Happy Meal Miscellany. I can only imagine what that bin will look like by the time he's 13.
Awesome photo. I love this post... the questions won't change much when he reaches his teens. =)
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[BusyDad] hmmm... I guess then that half the trick of parenting is to just know that you don't know and never will and be happy with it.
Now there's a boy who loves his daddy. They are mysteries, aren't they????
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[BusyDad] Yup, they sure are - and I have to admit: the mystery keeps it real fun too. If they were predictable, blogs like ours wouldn't exist.
BusyD, you need a helmet and some safety goggles! Then you'd be DorkyDad. I enforce the One-Toy-Only rule each time we get in the car...with three kids it's the only way to go. However, if Fury's anything like my boy, he probaby sleeps with at least 18 of his favs.
Pinky
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[BusyDad] His head would explode if he had to choose just one. I just know it. But, about a year ago, we did away with toys in bed altogether. He'd just end up playing with them all night. That was a tough rule to enforce! But prior to that, yeah - action figures, car, legos... everything.
ok...number one...what's with mcdonalds stupid shrek toy! i hate them...i throw the out but, still find the heads or cards, all over the stinking house!
and, that bag of toys, dragged to restaurants...what's up with that?! we might as well bring luggage with us!!!
play doh, oh how i despise thee...
awesome post! xo
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[BusyDad] HAHA! Thank you for backing me up on those sorry excuses for toys. Worst Happy Meal toy ever. Funny, I never see other kids dragging a bag o' toys to a restaurant so I really thought "is it just us???" Glad I'm not the only parent to endures the toy carry-on whenever we go anywhere.
I didn't gnaw on my dad, but I always had a hankering to take a bite from the milkman, strangely enough....
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[BusyDad] Maybe that's why kids and dogs become such fast friends.
Oh dear, thanks for the laughter! Too many memories of when my munchkins were younger!
Oh - and that GzOne? terrific phone - they need to market it to parents. I just reviewed one for work, and I think I'm in love.
I never understood my mother's description of kids until I had my own:
Cookie-crumbling, curtain-climbing house apes.
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[BusyDad] Thanks for visiting, Roxy! Yeah, I think parents get into more mishaps than construction workers. I found that phone because I was sick and tired of breaking wimpy phones. I googled something like "cell phone that would survive a nuclear winter" to find it. It's heavy and bulky, but all the better to whap a would-be kidnapper with. I heartily endorse this phone.
It seems the Father/Son experiment here on Earth is progressing normally. Child has shown genius in the "Befuddle and Confound Parent" study. I can now turn my attention to other galaxies.Bee Bee Boo Bop...LOL
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[BusyDad] Mission quite thoroughly accomplished!
Hahah. Great questions! I also love that he tries to pull your hair out with his teeth when sitting on your shoulders. My little MJ has just started doing that to her daddy. I've tried to distract her by getting her to play bongos instead but she's just not as interested. lol
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[BusyDad] Of all the items listed, I was positive that no other kid would share that tendency. It hurts! I'd much prefer bongos. Kids can be perplexing creatures.
What a great post. We end up dragging half the toy box with us when we venture out.
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[BusyDad] Thanks for visiting, Sabrina! I just got back from my weekend Starbucks trip with my son. Looks like we brought "carry ons" to breakfast.
Excellent post Busy Dad....but....as a girl who grew up with a sister until I was 15 when we acquired a boy and a mother of 2 girls and 1 4 y/o can you answer these questions....
Why is it that 1 boy is messier than 2 girls?
Why is it that said boy morphs into 20 boys when I am cleaning, shopping or trying to do anything?
Where do boys hide the extra arms cause I know no human with one set can make a mess like he can in 5 mins?
Why is it that no matter how many times I throw the damn cheerios in the toilet for targets there are always mystery streams when he is done in the bathroom?
Why is it when you have a friend over you think it ok to use the bathroom trash as a spare urinal?
If you know the answers I would love to know cause boys should come with a manual.
Merry Christmas!!!
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[BusyDad] Cheerios in the toilet? Brilliant! And morphing in to multiple clones is a superpower that comes with the Y chromosome (note my header graphic). Unfortunately we lose that ability when we become parents (when we could use it for good instead of trouble). Merry Christmas to you too!
The only question I have for my son (7 years old) is this:
WHY DO YOU KEEP STEALING AND HIDING YOUR MOM AND SISTERS UNDERWEAR IN YOUR ROOM???
I have tried and tried to break him of this and just can't. I think I will actually blog about this LOL
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[BusyDad] Some questions are best left unanswered... (I gotta say that one is killer funny as in WTF???)