Some Duncehat Stole My Credit Card and All I Got Was This Stupid Blog Post

I received an email last night from Bank of America asking me to verify some unusual activity on my debit card. Seeing as someone stole my ATM PIN number and wiped out my entire account 10 years ago, I wasted no time calling the fraud hotline.

"Thank you for calling, Mr. Lin. Did you recently make a purchase on Stamps.com?"

Stamps.com. Really?

You risked jail time to steal my private info. You succeeded. And instead of cashing in your chips by dialing "Starlight Entertainment Restaurant Group" for a "date with Candy and Misty" the best joyride your dumb ass could come up with was sending your Christmas cards out for free?

"Thank you Mr. Lin. What about a recent purchase at iTunes?"

Slow it down, dude. You really should have stopped after the new Cadillac and mink coat. Buying digital music is the kind of cocky that will bring you down.

"Ok Mr. Lin, we've noted this on your account. Please check your online statement in the next day or so to flag any other pending transactions that may be fraudulent."

I did. And I pity the fool. Not in a Mr. T way - more in a wet kitten at the city pound kind of way.

3 charges. $30 bucks each. Membership fees for 3 "Make Money From Home" websites. I'll double or nothing the $90 he tried to steal on the fact that this piece of paper is sitting on his kitchen table:

I feel honored to be helping this guy narrow down his options. If they ever catch him, I want to buy him a Newcastle. It's the least I could do.