Orlando! ...or Bust

What gets a kid out of bed at 6:45am without a fuss? Disneyworld!

What gets a kid to ask "Dad, can I just do all my homework now so I can have free time all week?" Disneyworld!

What gets a kid and his buddies so jazzed that they do nothing but "use the Force" on every automatic door at the airport? Disneyworld!

What possesses you to check in your luggage, despite the fact that the ticket agent tells you that your kid's airline ticket is void? Disneyworld!

What makes you hold onto the hope that this ticket mix-up that voided all of the childrens' plane tickets will be resolved before the plane takes off? Disneyworld!

Where will my luggage be tonight, while I remain stuck in Los Angeles? Disneyworld!

Who had the power to do something about this fiasco but just made things worse? United Airlines!

"We hate United Airlines worse than cauliflower, yo!"

Who mucked around for 2 hours and messed up our entire flight itinerary while trying to book us on the 2:45pm flight after we all missed our 10:45am? United Airlines!

Who do I blame for the kids being so stir crazy at the ticketing terminal that they take turns punching and kicking each other to alleviate extreme boredom? United Airlines!

Not tired, just extremely pissed.

Who finally got our new tickets booked and printed just 30 minutes before the 2:45pm flight? United Airlines!

Who FORGOT to print two of our tickets so we all got turned away at security? United Airlines!

Who got all standoffish when my friend Lolita asked if we could at least use the First Class Lounge so that the kids would at least have a place to sit while we waited for our next flight, a 10:30pm redeye? United Airlines!!

Who gave the reason "it's not our fault, we were rushed" as justification that they owed us nothing despite forgetting to print out those two tickets? United Airlines!!!

Who forced us to pile back in the car and trek back to Lolita's house to get some decent food because the ticket area of the airport has no access to any stores that even sell water? United Airlines!!!!

Quiet reading = total defeat

Who attempted to "make things better" by offering us a whopping $25 (each!!!) in lieu of a first-class upgrade on the redeye? United Airlines!!!

Who takes sucktastic customer service and elevates it to an entirely new art form? United Airlines!!!!!!!

In who's plane am I going to drink 3 too many Jack Daniel's while I try to get some much needed shut-eye after my wonderful first day on vacation? United Airlines!!!!!!!

And with that, we're piling back into the car right now to try this again...