Nature Pwns Nurture.
Saturday, March 27, 2010 Hi! I'm Asian. While most people can think of at least one mainstream Asian professional athlete, we're still pretty much on the trailing edge of statistical significance in the arena of "cool sports." Of course, that's not to say Asians don't dominate some sports.
Sigh.
And again. Sigh.
I didn't always think this way. My dad and his boyz never met a ping pong table they couldn't run. And badminton? That was the stuff blood feuds were made of. I couldn't dribble a basketball or throw a football (still can't), but if you gave me a racket, you'd better be prepared to bend over. Because you'd be picking birdies off the grass all afternoon. And in my world, that was alpha male.
Unfortunately in the real world, that didn't even prevent me from being picked dead last in gym class.
It took me until college to muster up the courage to redeem myself, but I did it. And chose the one thing I feared most but knew could validate me as a true man's man: fighting. I've written about it already so I won't go into details.
Then Fury was born.
As is natural for any parent, all I wanted was for Fury to have it better than I did. And since my childhood social anxiety centered around my incompetence in cool sports, Fury was ringside at kickboxing matches before he could walk. And when I changed his diaper, I would psych him up by chanting "Are YOU ready? Are YOU ready? Let's get it on, c'mon!!" (UFC referee John McCarthy's signature way to begin each round). If geektasticness was in his genes, I was sure as hell going to nurture the nature clean out of him.
For his own good, of course.
And while I was careful never to push him to participate in Muay Thai, wrestling, boxing or jiu jitsu, for fear of him feeling pressured and rejecting it, I made damn sure he was always exposed to it.
Major. FAIL.
It became too commonplace. Watching two guys kick and punch each other to a bloody pulp in a ring was "soooo boring, dad!" And when I say that those words broke my heart, I'm not kidding. But the kid knew that, and would watch the important matches with me to humor his old man. He'd offer intelligent commentary on ring strategy, great KOs and such, but I could always tell his heart wasn't in it. So I stopped hoping.
But I never stopped trying. Last year, we enrolled Fury in lacrosse. While not a fight sport, it incorporates speed, contact, precision, conditioning and is generally an all-around bad ass athletic endeavor (i.e. all the cool kids in high school played it).
While Fury contends that he enjoys it, any parent can tell when their child doesn't possess true fire for something. I won't fool myself into thinking otherwise. While other kids fight for the ball like it's the last cupcake at the birthday party, Fury will take a few whacks at it. If it passes by his nose. And occassionally, he'll give half a chase. If he knows I'm watching. At least it makes for nice highlight pictures.
I also let him try Crossfit, something I do and love. I figured the "Crossfit Kids" class would make him bigger, faster and stronger.
It did. For a few minutes. Until he got winded from box jumps, at which point he deemed it "no fun, dad."
I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that my kid simply doesn't like to exert himself. That the heat of competition generates a mere lukewarm simmer in my boy's veins. That Science Camp was his destiny.
Then I got a phone call the other day.
"Dad! Mom bought me a badminton set!"
"Badminton? How did you find out about badminton??"
"We play at school. And I can play me vs. five 8th graders and I beat all of them!!"
I don't remember the exact conversation I had with d wife right afterwards, but it covered such topics and phrases as: "oh great" and "I've worked too hard for him to do this to me" and "damn these Asian genes!" and "you can't fight the power of the dark side."
But I love my son. And he was too jazzed about this for me to spoil it for him with my childish insecurities. So I took some deep breaths when I got home and commenced with the trash talk.
"Fear me. I can beat anyone at this game. I beat all my dad's friends when I was in 4th grade. Prepare to go down in flames, boy."
"You can't beat me, dad."
Cold as ice, he was.
I served. He returned. I missed. He snickered.
I served. He returned. I returned. He dove.
"Dad, I was born for this!!"
Oh, Irony. How you taunt me.
Then I noticed it. Barely visible at first, but noticeable if you walked up right to him felt his head in disbelief. He was sweating. And panting. And smiling.
I think Confucius said it well:
"Only when set free against the fiery sunset sky will a Phoenix mirror its striking brilliance. Locked in an octagon, he'll only pretend to care about the UFC to make you feel better."
But I think Fury nailed it:
"Hey, Dad."
"Yeah?"
"Are YOU ready? Are YOU ready? Let's get it on, c'mon!!"
I ask for just one thing. A 2020 Olympics jacket, size M.
Reader Comments (37)
Ha! I love it!!! Other than the asian genes, my son is the same. No sports going on there, only science club and academic team. Now that he's 13, he's too cool for all of that...so he does nothing. OMG, my kid does nothing. Well, fine...he plays the saxophone. That's the only control I have left of him- he is in band and he will play. And one day I hope for an academic or saxophonic scholarship! Do they give scholarships for badmitten?
This post made my morning, Thanks for the post
OMG I love this. Bwa ha ha!
My kids were headed for the same destiny (because we Indians also rule at ping pong and badminton, you know)... and what did you do? BROUGHT THE BADMINTON SET TO OUR HOUSE TOO.
Thanks.
That Confucius was wise indeed. I possess so little athletic skill that I can't even play a video game. My son is screwed.
That's hilarious. We are having the same kind of lacrosse thing...I think he'd prefer badminton.
My 7 year old is good at math & science but sports? Not so much. Maybe I should introduce him to badminton too. Great post!
He's found a sport he's passionate about and wants to compete in. That's awesome!
I so did NOT see that coming.
And I'm totally laughing my ass off at you.
Of course, my kids have very fit thumbs and little else, so there's that. But they eat a mean potato. Oh, to be young and Irish again.
Maybe it is because I am a female, or maybe because for hte most part my kids have grown up without a man in the house, but I don't see what the big deal about sports is other than to rid kids of a buttload of energy and perhaps, maybe, kind of keep them out of trouble when they are bigger. Of course, THAT doesn't work so well in professional sports, so I don't know why we think it will work so well in the earlier years. ANYWAY: I am glad you could overcome your disapointment and be happy for him-because god knows as long as they are interested in SOMETHING, it is a good thing. Sam did t-ball for one season. Hated it. Won't try soccer, basketball, and I don't want ANY of the kids to like and play football. Hm. Perhaps I should try badminton at our house, too!
Great Post Jim! The most eye opening statement was that you didn't want to project your childish insecurities on your son..and that you simply love him. Every one of us wished that we could go back in time with the knowledge we have now to vanquish those insecurities however....when I last checked my DeLorean has a bad flux capacitor. =(
So Fury likes badmington now...awesome! Lets just pray he doesn't fall into the other realms of asian genes:
1) Doesn't stand but prefers to sit in the "asian squat" position
2) Rice bowl haircut
3) Worse yet... hair parted down the middle with uber geeky glasses
4) Joins the chess club in HS (I was guilty of that one)
-B
ROFL!! I so get this in many ways. Our oldest won't do anything I would like him to...so freakin' frustrating! But more importantly, Asians and Indians kicked my arse in high school in badminton. I got a D in PE because of it. But I refuse to be bitter about it in my 30s...{buttlickers}.
The spawn will do it to you every time. Good luck earning that 2020 jacket, we'll be cheering Fury on too.
So cute! You can't dislike it when you see a huge smile on his face :)
hey, dragonboat is cool and he seems to want to do that again! Waterboys are all cool. There are even asian waterboys who are considered hot! Don't fret, there's hope yet, if anyone will be able to MAKE badminton cool, it'll be Fury! Yes? There are cool dudes in everything, trust me on this one. And he'll have all the badminton girls fighting for him. :)
You know, there are worse genes out there, badminton isn't THAT bad. And remember, Ming Tsai got a scholarship to yale on squash.
Serves you right. ;-)
Isn't it great when they find something they love?
Don't knock badminton. My cousin was the junior national champion. Of Bangladesh.
Right. We're Asian too.
Hurray for finding his passion.
It's NEVER what you think it will be, trust me. I was a cheerleader and a tennis player in high school and LOVED going to the football and baseball games. My 19 year old? She is a ballroom dancer. A killer ballroom dancer. Not only that, but she danced in AND emcee'd this year's huge show they put on in our city. And she killed the audience with her charm and wit. Me? Never. In. A. Million. Years. would I have done that.
I say it again - it's NEVER what you think it will be.
I loved this. It applies to all parents in so many ways. I think we all need to remember this when we look at our kids and want what we deem as "better" for them...
My husband tried his heart out to make our son left handed. He'd put the silverware in his tiny left hand over and over and over. :D No baseball but the kid swings a mean lightsaber.
This is hilarious and scary at the same time. I wonder what my little ones will "take to" when they're older and will try to have an open mind. I think it disappoints my dad a bit that I'm not into hunting and fishing like he was/is, since I live in the middle of a city of >4million people and no woods or lakes (without driving for a while). I think he'll want to do more physical sports when he gets closer to puberty. Have you shown him "The Karate Kid" yet? Totally motivating.
Maybe it is because of the Olympics having just happened, but when I think sports and Asians, I think speed skating, ice skating/dancing and gymnastics. And martial arts.
Priceless. Adorable. Hilarious.
I'm the same way with my kids. I "encouraged" my 6YO to be a dancer/singer actress and she's more interested in cheerleading. It breaks my heart, but I can't fight the power of the pom pom.
Funny! Really enjoyed reading this post.
Nice post!!
So, he beat you, right?? :D
One thing I'm still learning as a dad is how to let go of trying to steer my kid along a path he just isn't going to go. He's got something to be passionate about and put his energy toward, and it's good. Fury's going to put the "bad" in badminton (and I mean that in the ironic, edgy sense of the word).
LOVED this post. My oldest son (he's 4) is only now starting to show an interest in sports, but he's much rather collect rocks, analyze rocks, and watch the Discovery Channel. We're Greek, and we like to eat and um. Talk loudly about stuff. We're sometimes good at soccer, too. We did win Euro Cup a few years ago, and we're holding on to that forever. (Miracle of miracles...)
My Asian husband sucks at shooting pool but will kick your ass at ping pong.
Now if you will excuse me, I'm off to buy a Badminton set.
They may not do much for the football team, but they sure as hell keep the test scores high!
Gotta love that!
UP
Great post. I live in fear that my son won't like the sports I do. I know that makes my crazy but I can't help it. In the end I am sure I will just be glad if he does some sort of physical activity and doesn't shy away from competition.
Hahaha!! Great post!!!
I'm hoping my son grows to be great at rugby, but he'll probably end up liking soccer like everyone else!!
Our boys make us cringe as spectators of their sports. M2 would growl at the opposing team in basketball and yell battle cries as he dribbled down the court. The crowd would roar with laughter and John and I just shake our heads. What are you going to do? That's our boy!
Although my son is only almost 5, I've tried everything also. The only thing that he seriously enjoys are Star Wars, Myth Busters, and his video games. I'm trying to prevent his destiny. I admit it. Angry Husband's best friend told me, "Julie, it is not in your control." Angry Kid will go to the dark side.
Well, there's always the next one. Now you know where you went wrong, you can do it right this time. Push badminton and ping pong on them and they'll hate it. Reverse psychology, dude.
(I got my first badminton set at age 6. I'm messed up too.)
Duuuuuuuuuuude- I was always supposed to be a basketball player. My dad was a mighty mite bball player in High School and his team went to State, but unfortunately for Dad, the fat genes and the non athletic genes rendered in his son. So Bowling became my sport. Poor dad.
I was just reading were Badminton was one of the most athletic, and arobic sports around. Not trying to pump you up... just saying!
You know, your people also excel at circus entertainment. The trapeze is pretty badass.
Fantastic article. I love the irony. Just wait until he finds out about ping pong!
eric.romero@hilti.com
@proudtobeapoppa
www.proudtobeapoppa.blogspot.com
OMG, this was classic!!!! Badminton - my uncle was some sort of badminton champ, he went to MIT, yeah, I think he invented some part that exists on some space shuttles today ... yada yada...he tried to get me engaged in badminton one summer when he visited. It's goddam HARD man - couldn't do it.
But table tennis? I'm the proud daughter of the the ultimate Ping Pong champs of Royal Caribbean Cruise Tour circa 2002 - I think they slaughtered the juniors on a South Caribbean junket. Yup, I even hold the racket the "old school Chinese way" according to the Lboy.
You can't fight the Asian genes, man...