Tales
From The Dadside
Entries from December 1, 2007 - January 1, 2008
The Meme to End All Memes
...for the year. Sorry, between coma-inducing meals and general holiday sloth, I couldn’t conjure up the creative juices necessary to go out with a bang. Drink some champagne, get silly and then read this post. It’ll be a lot more entertaining that way. This is the Birthday Month meme. The one that has permeated my favorite blogs quicker than green snot sniffles in a preschool classroom. And in case I did not succeed in converting you into a click, I’ll say it now. Happy New Year!!
LA (kid) Law
Who says kids aren’t legal-minded? This son of mine keeps surprising me with amusing applications of knowledge picked up from … I have no idea where. Anyway, here are some recent gems having to do with all things law and order.
* * * *
We drove by a police roadblock the other day being manned by two slightly older officers...
Marcus: Those guys are too old!
Me: Old?
Marcus: Yeah, they probably lost all their punching power.
Me: Punching power?
Marcus: For punching bad guys. And they probably can’t aim their guns anymore either.
Me: Hmm...
Marcus: They should just quit the police team.
Any dictators out there need a Minister of the Interior in training?
* * * *
As told to d Wife by Marcus’ Kindergarten teacher:
Some kids were playing a little bit too dangerously in the schoolyard, which invited a stern warning from the teacher in the form of “kids, stop jumping around or something bad will happen!” to which my son added:
“Yeah, like a lawsuit!”
* * * *
Me: Hey! There’s a flying ant on my arm
[Marcus squishes it]
Me: Eww. Now there’s brown gunk on my arm.
Marcus: Oops, sorry, Dad.
Me: It’s not your fault. It was his brown gunk.
Marcus: No… it’s my fault because I squished him.
Me: Hey, that was man of you!
Marcus: Well... he is a flying ant. He should have just flied away actually!
* * * *
For this year’s Christmas cards, I had Marcus draw a picture of anything he wanted on each card. He had just handed me a cool picture of a dune buggy thing.
Me: This is pretty cool, Fury. What do want to title this?
Marcus: um... 4-wheeler.
Me: Done.
Marcus: Don’t forget the TM
Me: Huh?
Marcus: So no one can copy it.
(Earlier that day, we were at Starbucks and he noticed on the signs that there was a TM symbol after the word Starbucks. I explained the concept of trademarking to him.)
Caffeine breeds inquisitiveness
(it’s hot chocolate, people… don’t get all up in arms.)
10 Hours.
Yes. 10 hours. First thing he said after I popped the last Lego piece into place?
"Play with me!"
Labor laws don't apply to dads...
Hey, just because your name is Santa...
Me: Hey look! Santa ate some of the cookies and cake we left him!
Marcus: [Shakes head] Oh man...
Me: What?
Marcus: He didn't even put his plate in the sink!
I know a jolly bearded man who's getting coal next year
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!
7 Facts Part II: Bigger, Badder and Randomer
I guess memes aren’t like jury duty after all. Not much more than month after I fulfilled my blogbligation to share 7 random things about me, I got tagged again. With the same meme. I guess it’s not like chicken pox either. Hopefully these 7 additional facts about me are more interesting than chicken pox. You be the judge.
Getcha Some
If I need to upgrade my belt this season, it won't be due to Newcastle, Onion Rings, In-n-Out Burger or the usual suspects. No, I will blame my newfound girth wholly on the Sunshine company. Forever playing second fiddle to Nabisco, the time has come for Sunshine to de-throne the cracker giant. Their ace in the hole? These bad boys:
One day, they will do a Dateline NBC report on these
It started out innocently enough. They were on sale at the supermarket and I like White Cheddar Cheez-Its. Sure, I'll try their spin-off product, why not? I bought them to put in Marcus' lunch, and as always, I tried the product first to make sure it would be palatable for a five-year old. Whoa!! Like crack laced with really good crack (whoops, there goes my family-friendly rating!). Light, crispy and bursting with cheesy goodness through and through. As I snarfed handful upon handful of these delicately baked sensations, Krypto walked over to see what the commotion was about. I broke him off some. Tail waggin' goodness!!
I'm now hooked on these. Not as hooked as Jenny is hooked on CVS ExtraCare Bucks but I'm closing that gap real fast and furious-like. Do yourself a favor and pick up a box. I really, really, really hope that someone in Sunshine's marketing department is doing his/her due diligence and scanning Google for mentions of this product (ok search engines, this one's for you: Sunshine Cheez-It Stix, Sunshine Cheez-It Baked Snack Crackers, Stix Super Tasty Irresistibly Xtra-cheesy White Cheddar) and then decides to send me a year's worth of these things for plugging them.
Man's Best Friend my ass!
[EDITOR'S UPDATE] I'm currently the 8th entry on Google when you type in "Cheez-It Stix" - my year's supply of Cheez-It Stix may just become a reality. I really hope they have diligent PR/Marketing people.
[EDITOR'S UPDATE] 12/19 7:48 pm PST - Now 7th entry and rising.
[EDITOR'S UPDATE] 12/20 6:00 pm PST - I've now disappeared from Google's search results for Cheez-It Stix!! That's it. I hate Google (I just sealed my fate to ever rank for "Dad Blog" too I bet, because Google is spiteful like that). I'm bitter now. Everybody, please use Ask.com from now on.
BusyDad
in Quickies, Deserving Plugs
|
19 Comments
| 
Email
Son, may I ask...
Son, for the most part, I’ve got you figured out. But some things are still a mystery to me. I’d like to take this opportunity to pose a few questions that have been rattling ‘round in my head for a while.
A Very "What The...?" Christmas
The anticipation of Christmas from a kid’s eye view...
* * * *
Marcus: Dad? Can I get pre-Christmas presents?
Me: Pre-Christmas presents?? What?
Marcus: You know. So I can get the small toys out of the way.
Why dilute the true spirit of Christmas: opening the big ass toy.
* * * *
Marcus: Mom? Is Santa rich?
Mom: No, why?
Marcus: Then how can he afford all those toys??
Mom: He gets some made and the rest are donated.
Good comeback, Mom! I would have just said “credit.”
* * * *
Marcus: Is there such thing as green octopusses?
Mom: I don't think so...
Marcus: I believe there are green octopusses. I believe in a lot of things, like Santa.
Mom: You do?
Marcus: Yeah - even though the one who comes to our school Christmas show is just a guy with a beard.
Mom: How do you know that?
Marcus: Cuz his tummy is only this big. But Santa's is THIS big.
Kids today. So jaded.
* * * *
Marcus: I love Christmas shopping!
Me: You love it?
Marcus: Actually, I ultra-love it!
Me: Ultra love it? Why?
Marcus: Toys... He-llooo!
Geez, Dad. Get a clue. And a butt load of toys, please.
* * * *
Me: Cool Fury! What’s that?
Marcus: Santa’s spinning blades of doom!
And you thought they just got coal.
A Day at the Park - Photos
My good friend Sarah is an awesome photographer. You may have seen some of her work on my Flickr site. Which ones are hers? The good ones. She spent a couple hours this weekend with me and Marcus at the park as we did our "boys causing a ruckus" thing. Got some fun pics!
BusyDad
in Stories and Adventures, Photo Posts
|
31 Comments
| Email
It does NOT get any better than this
This just happened less than a half hour ago:
The Scene:
Marcus and I are walking to my car in the parking lot. I’m humming Kashmir (Led Zeppelin) to myself.
Me: Ba-da-dum... Ba-da-dum (da)...Ba-da-dum... Ba-da-dum (da)... Ba-da-dum... Ba-da-dum (da)... Ba-da-dum... Ba-da-dum (da)… Ba-da-dum...
Marcus: Dee... Dee... Dee... Di-Di-Di... Dee... Dee... Dee... Dee... De-Ne-Ne!
Human Values, Miami Vice Blazers and Gorilla Boobs
This is my "Month of Gratitude" post. I hope it speaks to you. If not, I can at least seek comfort in knowing that I will always come up first whenever someone searches "Miami Vice Gorilla Boobs" on Google.
The Story of Krypto, Our Super Dog
My crazy, busy, kick-ass life would not be the same without my rockin’ dog Krypto. Although he only makes a cameo here or there in this blog, he has never once complained, graciously giving up the spotlight to his packmate Marcus. Well, today is this dog’s day on the internet. The following post is an ode to my four legged buddy.
BusyDad
in Videos, Stories and Adventures
|
22 Comments
| Email
Gunnin' for that Liberal Arts Degree
Marcus started Kindergarten this fall. This meant homework and tests. Yes, tests. That’s what I get for enrolling him in a school whose primary customer base is comprised of faculty and grad students from Cal Tech.
His first test? Aced it, baby!
Perhaps he peaked too early? His second test came back with this:
Ouch a 33% drop in performance! I had a talk with him the other night about it.
“So, Fury, I saw your spelling test. So I guess you got ‘rat’ wrong, eh?”
“Yeah. What did I spell?”
“Rad.”
“What does rad mean?”
“Really ultra cool.”
“Ooh! I like that better anyway. Spelling rat is boring. I like rad!”
Way to go son! Question everything and change the rules. I ain’t paying $10K a year for you to just sit there and rote memorize. Screw NASA, you’re gonna be president someday.