Leap of Faith #2: Knocking Out My Demons
Friday, February 8, 2008 
I was the pudgy Chinese kid. In 4th grade, I was the equivalent to the lame gazelle limping at the back of the herd. Easy pickins for every bully who roamed the halls looking for a distraction. Hell, even the girls picked on me for an occasional ego boost. I hated life. As one of two Chinese kids (my sister being the other) in a working-class Boston suburb beaming with Irish pride, friendlies were hard to come by. As a result, I just accepted the daily taunting, occasional beating and even a very painful “Jim, go back to Shanghai,” which, by the way, was uttered in front of the entire class by my 6th grade homeroom teacher. Given the circumstances, I did the only thing I could. Eat more and study hard. My salvation was the elite private school down the street. I knew that if I tested well and got in, I would be among my kind – nerdy smart kids.
I did. And life was good.
I spent 7th to 12th grade at this school, rebuilding my self confidence, honing my academic prowess, and even picking up a sport or two. By the time I was a senior, an entirely new life lay ahead of me. There was just one thing I couldn’t shake: the nagging regret for my passivity in the face of aggression. It was time to face my demons.
Freshman year in college, I joined a Kempo Karate class. It never really clicked with me how chicken beak strikes could stop some guy from tackling you, but I took it on faith that it might. I made it all the way to brown belt level. A few months before my black belt test, I discovered Shotokan Karate. A much more direct form of combat, utilizing straight line attacks (as opposed to the circular, flowing moves associated with that branch of Kempo). This seemed to fit my philosophy a lot better. I dropped Kempo, donned a crisp new white belt and started over. Within 2 years, I was a freshly minted Shotokan Karate black belt. An honor on paper, indeed, but in earning it, I never made real contact with a single opponent. Karate tournaments are “controlled contact” meaning you don’t actually hit the person to hurt them. You do it for form and timing and are scored based upon this. Did I feel like a black belt? No.
During the summer of 95, I moved to California, where I discovered kickboxing. One thorough ass whupping dished out on my black belt ass in the ring by some kid who had only kickboxed for a year was all it took. If I were to face my demons, I needed the threat of real pain. Between 1995 and 2007, I pounded the passivity out of my psyche, training in kickboxing and MMA (“anything goes” UFC type stuff). Along the way, I made some of the best friends I will ever have. There’s nothing like spending a few hours a week choking, punching, kneeing and kicking each other to forge lifelong bonds of friendship. Strange how that works…
So what’s my leap of faith? Showing you all this video.
It is not glorious. At all. It shows me getting pummeled in a Muay Thai (Thai Kickboxing) match. When I watch this, it reminds me that despite all the years of blood, sweat and dedication, I still get my butt whupped. But whereas I lived to train another day, my demons went down for the count.
Because now I hit back.
Reflections, Videos 
View Printer Friendly Version
Reader Comments (24)
Awesome! Thanks for pointing me to this post...
You know, it occurs to me you could combine your leap of faith with my Flashback Friday. This one was perfect.
And speaking of ass whooping.... I dropped my guard last night sparring. Yeah, I got a huge black shiner. And of course my adorable toddler thinks it's really funny to touch it. lol
-----
[BusyDad] Yeowch! As Fury says to me all the time -- "keep your hands up!" Something I obviously did not do that night.
Okay, sure. But does that dude have a blog?
You are SO badass!! Great post, great leap, great video!! Well done my friend... I hope you were wearing a cup.
Here's to the great leaps!
-----
[BusyDad] The leaps are definitely a blast to do! And no, he probably doesn't. HA you won the battle man, but not the war. Unless he doesn't care about blogs...oh well. :)
LOL at Piper. Good point about the blog. I cant watch the video till I get home but I promise I will!
-----
[BusyDad] Here's a play by play: oH! that must've hurt. OHH watch out! Yikes! Ouch! He's nuts...
You seriously are BAD ASS exclamation point!!!! Great video.. great leap of faith.
PS... remind me never to pick a fight with you. :)
-----
[BusyDad] Some comments are worth getting beat up for 3 rounds over.
Hell man, you were standing at the end of it. That's gotta count for something! Nicely done. I prefer athletic encounters that if you are out matched the worst thing that happens is you get out played, not beat up!
-----
[BusyDad] I'm a little bit slow on the learning curve, but I think I have arrived at the same conclusion. Thanks PG!
I used to spar A LOT in taekwondo until my eye doctor told me to stop... I can tell ya first hand that there is a sweet spot on your chin and you do see little baby blue birds when someone kicks you there. I still love the sport and still love to fight, just can't do it competitively anymore. Great leap, you rock!
-----
[BusyDad] I know them well, those little birds. They get kinda cute after you see enough of them :) Thanks Tara!
"There’s nothing like spending a few hours a week choking, punching, kneeing and kicking each other to forge lifelong bonds of friendship. Strange how that works… "
What is it with men and that?? My brother's are like that and I'm not sure I quite get it yet.
lol HOWEVER, I loved this post. Not because you got your butt handed to you, but because you stood up to your demons.
I have to admit the fight was fun to watch. Hubby and I like MMA and the UFC. He's fault 'cause he introduced me to it. So far he is really looking forward to see what Lesnar is going to bring to the MMA. He's from MN and assures me that this guy is and was a great wrestler. Did you see the fight with Mir????
Lesnar is one heck of a lot faster than I thought he would for as bigas he is.
-----
[BusyDad] Caveman stuff... ,like the appendix and tailbone, I guess? I missed that fight with Lesnar. I was hoping he'd lay a beating on Mir because Mir is a cocky SOB.
You could kick my ass.
And I'm gangsta.
-----
[BusyDad] Back then? Maybe. Now? 20 lbs of beer gut later? No. My new job schedule has severely curtailed my ability to do anything physical besides ride on a train.
wow, Very gutsy and bold. The video is amazing too. :) Exposing your weak side is the best way of turning it into your powerhouse. Go you!!
-----
[BusyDad] Thanks! It was definitely a leap to show a one-sided loss to you all. I would have much rather it been a KO victory with a beautiful kick to the head. But life doesn't always give you what you want.
little sister comment: so that's why you only announce now?
HAHAH! ooooo.
And um, you realize mom has access to the internet? Even the toughest dudes on earth have to answer to their moms! ;) Leap of faith part 2, when mom sees this...I should get a camera and some popcorn.
-----
[d Bro] It's a lot easier on the head, yes. And requires less ice. Oh drat! I was going to put a disclaimer on this that read: MOM you do not want to see this! Totally forgot!
I could kick your ass, but only if you were asleep and had your hands and feet tied down. Then - I'd KICK your ASS. Watch your back - I fight like a girl.
-----
[BusyDad] 95% of the confrontations that I have lost in my life thus far have been at the hands of girls.
sweet mother of god, man. you are FIERCE!!!
although I would like to point out that you have done an excellent job of "underpromise, overdeliver" because frankly you were amazing. you didn't look like you got a beatdown at all. in fact, I think it looks pretty close, I demand a recount!
BD you continue to be such an enigma. you are a kickboxing warrior and yet still have the ability to navigate the mommy-blogging-mafia
the charm of a champion. wonderful LEAP post, dear friend!!
-----
[BusyDad] The Mommy-blogging Mafia? Hahaha I love it! And thanks for the vote of confidence. With CF and the crew vouching for me, I know I don't have to watch my back.
Mad freakin' props to you, Jim. 1) For posting that, and 2) For sharing such raw feelings with us.
I took a leap of faith in Karate in 2006. Only made it to my yellow belt before Michael knocked me up, but I'm only 33 years young! I have much more time to get back in the Karate-do way.
Props, again. My LoF is a little intro; next week will be really fun!
-----
[BuzzeeDad] Thanks! I've wanted to get that down on paper for so long. People always ask me why I still do this stuff at 35. There's the answer. Your childhood years make such an impact. And about the Karate... my mom started karate in her 40s and earned her black belt. Inspirational.
I hate bullies, especially in the form of teachers! Not right! Glad you found a way to rise above it all.
BlogHopping
-----
[BuzzeeDad] Can you believe that? My TEACHER said that. And then the entire class burst into laughter. One of the worst moments of my young life.
That's what I should have taken up as a kid, kick boxing, I'm sure I could have rocked UFC, skinny little Chinese monkey that I was! Although I think that bloodsport didn't yet exist when I was being bullied.
Thanks for posting that BuzzDee- you are wickedly fierce, OMG, that was riveting video! You did great -- what a great leap!!
-----
[BuzzeeDad] Thanks Karen! Glad you enjoyed the video. I had fun revisiting it. Now that it's a couple years after the fact. It felt a lot worse than it looked. I saw so many stars that night.
Ok...I haven't even watched the video yet and I'm already proud of you!!
Now...off to watch the fun
-----
[BuzzeeDad] Thanks - just taking that first step to do martial arts was the hardest. After it began I was pretty much hooked. And I hope you liked the video.
Day-YUM! What an amazing leap post! Hubby had to check on me while watching your clip because I kept cringing back into my chair...
Your "go back to Shanghai" brought back so many memories where I wish I could have served up some wup-ass like that on kids that made fun of me. Sometimes I did, but that only sparked the question "are you Bruce Lee's daughter?" *sigh*
-----
[BuzzeeDad] Haha - I cut out the parts where they stopped the fight so my corner could wipe the blood off my face. My nose and mouth were a bloody mess! As a boy, I think I would have liked to be called Bruce Lee's son, actually :)
I can not, will not, am not gonna watch you be a super hot and ass kicky on some video. I am already paying plenty of good Canadian money to watch Asian chicks on video.
*ahem*
It's Friday night, yo. Where you at, G?
-----
[BuzzeeDad] haha!! You know where priorities is at! I'm packing to go to Florida right now. Just had a sec to jump on here and respond to all these cool ass comments!
I used to hang out with a UFC styles figthing crowd of boys back in the day and I was always amazed by how violent like it got between the friends, but then they got into these total close homo-erotic holds and they were okay with that. Weird sport.
Cool story, I love how you turned it around. You? Amazing. Me? Crushing! Just add me to the four hundred other mamas.
Just lemme know the names of the girls that picked on you and I'll take care of it ;)
-----
[BusyDad] You know what they say in the fight world about those holds: It's only gay if you make eye contact ;) And HuckD, if you went to my school, my younger years would have been a lot less awkward.
"Is that Daddy?"
"No, that is BUSYdaddy."
"Daddy is busy?"
"No, just someone I read about, he is a bad a$$." Opps, I mean he is a very nice man." Dude, the video was great, my 5 year old and I watched it over again.
-----
[BusyDad] I AM a very nice man. Indeed! You are right. Nicer than I am badass, as much as I try.
Totally awesome! Thanks for sharing your leap!
-----
[BusyDad] Thanks Nola! Seriously though - very therapeutic for me to tell that story.
OUCH! Awesome post man. Very touching as well as inspiring! Boy do I feel like a lump now. The only thing I battle are an array of food products and beverages for review on my site. Oh.. and pints of assorted lagers! LOL!
SIGH... I need to start excercising more.
"Sinatra Junkie"
From the weekend blog hoppers
-----
[BusyDad] These days, pints of assorted lagers are my opponent of choice. I run into them a lot more, it seems.
What a great way to overcome demons of that sort. I had similar experiences but for different reasons (being a chubby, smart, girl - being from a religiously-mixed marriage at a time when that was still weird - IU didn't "fit" in any of the categories in my neighborhood or school). I can't believe your teacher said that to you. And thank goodness for your other school. A different school experience saved my butt, too. The right form of education can be a powerful thing.
-----
[BusyDad] Education - it can do wonders. I'm still waiting for a politician to figure that out. And yes, my teacher said that to me. He's lucky he most likely croaked by now.
Royce Gracie's got nuthin' on you! That is so cool!
-----
[BusyDad] When it comes to blogging, that is. ;) Thanks Deb!