I got a phone call at work on Friday afternoon.
"Dad, I have a cut on my eye."
"I was at the park and I found a stick. Some kids wanted the stick and they tried to take it from me. So I waved it at them to scare them away and I scratched one of them. Then one of them threw a pine cone and hit me in the eye. And I'm mad."
"Well of course you're mad! They threw a pine cone at your eye!"
"No, I'm mad because it's spring break and I won't be able to show it off to all my friends!"
Son, I'm on it. Internet, do your thing.