If You're Not On The Guest List, Try The Viper Room
Thursday, April 3, 2008 Some time around St. Patrick's day, I recieved an email from my friend (and de facto ambassador of Salt Lake City) "JMax" from Welcome to Schaererville. Attached was a graphic that some editors from The Salt Lake Tribune had put together as a guide to maximize your chances of getting a drink during the hectic weekend festivities.
Her email opened with "When this graphic came out I thought of you immediately." I can't imagine why...
"Oh Fuuuuuury... come heeeeere..."
Birth of a Nightclub Mogul
"Yeah! Let's make a bar, Dad!" beams my son, as he makes a bee-line for the Jawa Sandcrawler in our garage/playroom. He carefully extracts the control room and sets it aside. I cringe. But for the sake of a potentially cool blog post, I let it go. More digging around. The Lego Bionicle fort is now dismantled. Legos fly, pieces click, fingers work.
"Dad, I made the bartenders."
"You gave them all cars??"
"Yeah, they need to get to work don't they?"
My son, the benevolent mogul.
"This is the stove area. You can turn the fire on and off."
"Oh your bar serves food?"
"Yes, it's a bar & grille."
Not that it's a bad word, but where in the heck did he pick up the term bar & grille??
"Well that's good. So what if I wanted a Newcastle with my burger?"
"Right here, Dad. The beer machine. Aaaand, outside we have a beer fountain!!"
I SO hope he pursues this line of work. He's already showing signs of genius.
It definitely works better as a tap than a radar antenna.
I dub the bar "Fury's Playroom" and I must say it is coming along nicely. He's built a raised VIP area, a front entrance (complete with an awning he fashioned from a cockpit dome), a lobby, and yes even a DJ booth! I have to laugh out loud at this (and bring the camera into the kitchen to show d Wife who busts out in a rare fit of laughter).
Note the backwards cap. Brilliance lies in the details.
Things are not proceeding according to schedule. The mogul loses his cool.
"Dad! All the guests are coming and we're not even ready!!"
Clearly, this boy needs an assistant.
As patrons line up, I arrange all the separate modules that he's built together on the floor. Lo and behold, it looks like an actual nightclub!
Building one of these is part of the "L.A. Kid" aptitude test.
Opening Night, "Fury's Playroom"
As limos pull up and starlets file in, I'm feeling mighty good. Our PR firm did a great job wrangling the who's who of Hollywood to join us in our little soiree. Uh oh! Someone's getting a little mouthy with our bouncer Hewkii Matoro. But he takes care of things like a true professional.
We had to grease some palms to get that unsanctioned lightsaber.
Ok enough loitering. Time for me to go in and enjoy this party!
Hewkii Matoro: Excuse me sir, you can't come in like that.
Me: No excuse ME. What did you just say to me?
Hewkii Matoro: You can't come in like that. Sir. You have to have a collared shirt. Please step aside.
Me: Do you know who I am??
Hewkii Matoro: Yeah, you're so-and-so's guest who should have put you on the list, but she forgot to phone it in, but you know some very important people and I'll never work in this town again, right? Please step aside.
Me: Man, you are so dead! I'm Fury's dad! Hey! Fury! Tell your bucket-o-bolts bouncer dude to let me in!
Fury: Dad ... dad ... if I had to make an exception every time someone said they knew me... besides, you're making my friend here uncomfortable. Just chill them jets and ... HEY, Paris! Looking good. HEF! You old dog, get over here and bring your friends.
Reader Comments (47)
Are you SURE it was Fury who suggested making the bar?
Come on, BD, be honest!
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[BusyDad] Haha - here's how it went down, a little behind the scenes/backstory. He showed him the pic and asked me to read the words in the bubbles (he asks me to read everything!). I scanned the bubbles. Ok, all stuff about minding your manners, tipping generously and such. Nothing bad, so I read it to him. Then he asked me what the sections of the bar were (where's the "beer machine", where's the the bathroom? etc). I explained. Then I said "Heeeey I have a fun idea..." And that's where the post begins.
Marvelous stuff. The joy of lego.
My daughter is yet to be persuaded by it's wonder, but I'm working on her.
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[BusyDad] Thanks! As long as you don't mind spending hours on end putting projects together and having her break them within the first 10 minutes, you'll love it.
How do we get on the VIP list?
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[BusyDad] Slip the owner a Bionicle. Shoots you to the top of the list. Inside info...
I think you have a future architect on your hands!
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[BusyDad] If this is any indication of his leanings, I want him to build my house.
Dude, That first pic of fury I half expected him to wearing a scarf and acting all stylish-night-club-owner. Very cool and great photo editing if I do say so myself. Props!
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[BusyDad] At least some cool 70's shades. Damn should have photoshopped them in!
Can you edit some of my photos? You do some good work! :)
Legos....Legos...sigh...I am sure the dog will eat a few and I will suck up some of those in the vacuum eventually. Boys and their toys. lol
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[BusyDad] Oh man... you know how many times I have had to go digging thru the vacuum canister for a lego piece or action figure gun that he just could not bear to lose?
You are an absolute riot. I love checking out your site.
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[BusyDad] Thanks man! Means a lot!
The DJ booth ist too rad. And that bald Leia sure knows how to work a room.... oh and scarf down a giant turkey leg.
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[BusyDad] I know! The DJ booth cracked me up the hardest. I swear, he has never seen a "real one" but I guess the Kiddie Nightclub at Disneyworld (yes, they have one. crazy ain't it?) was all it took.
I'm really impressed with the DJ!
I'm also impressed that the Salt Lake City Tribune ran an article on how to get a drink. That's progression right there.
Your kid? Is a GENIUS! Seriously. I agree, you've got a future architect on your hands!
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[BusyDad] heh thanks! I'm glad his ability to conjure up drinking places can be appreciated by folks other than me.
A beer fountain?!! The kid is a genius.
Is Fury trying to pick up Mr. Lady?
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[BusyDad] It brought a tear to my eye. And nah - he and Mr. Lady are already tight.
nice photoshopping. sooo funny!
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[BusyDad] Thanks Julia! I'm sure Fury's bar-making does not surprise you in the least.
That's too funny. I'll have to ask my SIL if her lego-maddened son has ever built with such creativity!
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[BusyDad] I'm sure he has the creativity. But does he have a dad irresponsible enough to suggest or encourage it? That is the question to ask...
Oh, dear god, man.
That is all.
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[BusyDad] How does it feel to be on the A-list?
Fury's Playroom is soooo much better than that Salt Lake City dump... he does have genius architect potential. Seriously dude, tap into that. I see Mr, Lady made the VIP list. =)
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[BusyDad] His club has more of an edge to it. Scary huh? And Fury knows who he has to get in good with. He's seen pics of her daughter (he really has).
This is one of the best posts I've ever read! I'm trying to type this as I wipe the tears from my eyes - laughing veraciously! Of course, my makeup's ruined, but who gives a shit.
Hysterical!
P.S. I see Mr. Lady's become quite endeared to Mr. Fury. Hotness. Paris can't come close to that.
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[BusyDad] DK - I just have to smile at that. Oh, Mr. Lady is way hotter. Fury just knows he needs Paris to get the photographers at the club so it can garner some valuable tabloid exposure.
Astonishing! Brilliant!
Your photoshop skills are truly amazing! Nice work.
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[BusyDad] Thanks SoapyB- but the sad reality is I know NO tricks. I just blow the pic waaay up and erase pixels ONE AT A TIME (nuts, I know) to cut the pic out to paste. As manual labor as you can get in the digital age.
See? I knew I sent that graphic the right direction...
You and Fury will be DANGEROUS during your time in between paychecks.
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[BusyDad] Thanks again for sending that Jmax! And yes, me being out of the cubicle is always ... um interesting.
I am dying over here! Beer fountains, mini moguls with stogies, and a bouncer with a lightsaber. I need to get out more.
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[BusyDad] The fact that I am an accomplice to something like this clearly means that I do too.
I just took my kids to Legoland over the Easter break. That ain't no Legoland (but probably should be.)
So where'd you get the hoochie Lego?
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[BusyDad] We're headed to Legoland tomorrow morning! Fury's favorite place in the world. Early b-day present. He was actually inspired by Legoland. His favorite display? The mini-Las Vegas. Yeah, no surprise, right?
Haha - hoochie Lego came with the Jabba the Hutt Sail Barge set. It's a modified Princess Leia.
Beer fountain!?! Where do I get my hand stamped? Dude, why didn't you bring your guitar? You could have said you were with the band ;)
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[BusyDad] You are good. I see that you've done this before. The beer fountain is goood. I am partaking in it right now :)
I think you might have a tad too much time on your hands now that you don't have a job.
That is too cool...WAY cooler than anything my husband builds for real. Kid has talent. I see the beer tap, but where is the top shelf for a little JD?!
BTW, his bouncer ROCKS. I'd like to borrow him sometime for my basement bar, keep the riff-raff out.
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[BusyDad] Haha - yes! Way more idle time than before. He would built a JD shelf, but in my idleness, I'm afraid I drank it all...
And this post right here is a prime example of why I love this blog.
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[BusyDad] Thank you Kori. What a great thing to hear as I near my first 100 posts :) Stuff like that will keep me chugging along for a long time. Really - thank you :)
a fury world would be so much better! That bouncer makes LAPD look like pansies. Haha, now you're gonna push him to be an architect so there will be more fury cantinas all over the place huh? Bar & grille, that's too cute. I see they serve chinese chicken legs. Scary thought- I see you two making another lego bar where you won't need to superimpose....
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[d Bro] Give us the Legos and we'll give you the world. At least all the cool parts of it.
Is it me or does Fury look a little God Fatherish with his stogie and Mr Lady? And have Krypto and BJ asked whose leg they had to "_ump" to get a drink around here yet? And does d wife know you are going to these kind of joints alone? And did you REALLY think you could get in dressed that way? Am I finished?..Wait..Yes..I am...LOL
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[BusyDad] hahaha all legit questions. The wife lets me look at Lego hoochies. I just cannot manipulate them.
Seriously, I hope you NEVER get a job, so that I can have awesome posts like this to read EVERY DAY. (Don't tell d Wife I said that, or she might make you revoke my Blog Hopping license, or something.) Anyway, this is hilarious, and I think I will come back and read it several more times for a "study break" over the weekend. I have to admit, I always thought Legos were one of those pain-in-the-neck toys with too many pieces (like stupid magnet games you get in your stocking at Christmas, only with more parts and therefore MORE potential to be annoying). But now that I can see how useful they will be in providing lines on Son's resume, I think we will have to invest. Thanks! (I think.)
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[BusyDad] Thank you! I have to say that the bloggin and sitting around part of unemployment is much easier than it looks. And thanks for spinning it like this stuff can actually help build one's son's resume. And the fact that you're a teacher totally legitimizes it for me.
OMG I love this kid more and more. He is so bright Jim!! With the backwards hat and the biatch in the VIP lounge! LMAO. I LOVE the way the bouncer handled that guy. What a riot.
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[BusyDad] Haha! Mr. Lady has been called a hoochie Lego and Biatch in one single day! This is what I get for having like 5 friends who are bouncers (and like to regale me of their nightly exploits). Of course none of them have ever had to pull their lightsabers. That was just Fury putting 2 and 2 together...
I've been called a lot of names in my day, but never Hoochie Lego. Awesome.
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[BusyDad] You could almost trademark that one!
So what's the cover charge? And is there ladies night?
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[BusyDad] It's aaaalllwaaays ladies night down at the playroom. See, Fury hasn't learned about profit and loss yet. Take advantage of it.
Look at Mr. Lady... That's hot! (Sorry, couldn't resist.)
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[BusyDad] hahahahaa! I was waiting for a Paris reference.
Fury got a haircut!
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[BusyDad] Yup! in a big way. Check out a few posts back where I posted before and afters.
Fury is hanging with Mr. Lady.. the little dude has skillz!!! Love this.. :)
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[BusyDad] He don't mess around. I guess game is NOT genetic.
he's leaps and bounds ahead of the other l.a. kids who are just getting into D & G - he's got mr. lady on his arm. i don't know where you guys come up with this stuff, but you have seriously kicked the crap out of the "noah's ark turned pirate ship" that i created. i mean, isobel. yup. all her. uhuh.
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[BusyDad] Oh wait - I see a collabo. Noah's Ark turned Booze Cruise?
I would SO be turned away at the door seeing as I'm not fake or plastic. Damn.
Off to have Lego surgery. I wanna hang w/ Fury.
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[BusyDad] There's definitely an advantage to having snap-on body parts. If you find a place that does it let me know. I've made a lot of cool vehicles for him that I'd love to ride.
hahaha..this is one of the best things I have ever seen. You have one hell of a kiddo there. I can't imagine ever seeing the "Nightclub" set on the Lego shelf at Toys R Us, but damn after seeing this there certainly should be! It sure would make getting down on the ground and playin with your kid a bit more fun.
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[BusyDad] You know, it would sure as hell make the Lego "City" Series a lot more fun. It would actually give the police and fire vehicles a reason to exist.
"But for the sake of a potentially cool blog post, I let it go..."
I was worried the first time I thought this. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one! God I can't wait till my boy is old enough for Leho. Lego rules!
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[BusyDad] Heh... yes indeed. The sacrifices we make to entertain our dear readers!
I am so not cool enough to get in that place.
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[BusyDad] Neither am I. I need to go build my own Lego club. The boy needs some healthy competition.
OK, now Jimmy would be proud!
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[BusyDad] Hey, Jimmy did say he wanted to open a bar. We have the working blueprint right here!
Dude - that is freakin' awesome! Great post, and your son is lego-preneur. Let me know when you're ready to open up shop on the East Coast - I've got some connections:)
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[BusyDad] Thanks man! but remember your connections better be down with the Lego syndicate? Fury's gotta take care of his peeps.
Oh Ma Gawd...the leggo chick with the black bra is HYSTERICAL!!
Hahaha!
There's a bar for sale right down the road from me. I'm now thinking about buying it (Naming it The Fury of course) and totally installing a beer fountain.
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[BusyDad] I'm so dead. Pimping my son out as an innovator for the adult beverage industry...
Brilliant! That is some bar, and what an event! Your Fury runs a tight ship!
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[BusyDad] :) he sure does. Too many mistake his kindness for weakness. Not good when he wields the lightsaber.
I have got to come play legos with you and your son! I'll bring my little guy!
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[BusyDad] Kid Nation's got nothing on us!
That is a bad ass post, I am so ready to grease a palm to get my name on the list.
BTW love the sod want to come put mine in when we move in 2 weeks?
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[BusyDad] Fury will hook you up for sure. And yeah, in about 2 weeks, I may be fully recovered. Maybe.
I love how Mr. Lady made it in, but you were left out in the cold on the sidewalk like River Phoenix.
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[BusyDad] hahaha - we've made it past the statute of limitations to laugh at that right?
Holy ****balls that is awesome! Great job Fury and Jim! Can I hang out at your bar & grille with Paris and Hef, too?
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[BusyDad] Fury's trying to hook up a bloggin dads party over at Hef's place. I'll let you know...
Dude...can you put me on the list?
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[BusyDad] I'd like to help you, but evidently I myself am not even cool enough. You may have to go as Mr. Lady's +1
Oh that's great! Your son truly is a genius. Let me know when he gets that beer fountain going.
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[BusyDad] Thanks Nissa! Well I wouldn't be a very encouraging father if I didn't at least try to help him build a real one. In the backyard. Right?
OMG I am so laughing my hind end off right now!
Classic!
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[BusyDad] :D Glad you enjoyed it! Yup, anything involving Fury and Legos has become quite a "classic" theme on this blog.