“I Went to School in Boston”
Friday, October 24, 2008 When someone tells you the above, it usually means one thing: Harvard grad.
It’s a damned if you do and damned if you don’t kind of thing. If you say “I went to Harvard,” you’d better be prepared with a “yeah, the admissions officer was definitely drunk that day, heh,” so as not to seem like you were just waiting to spring that fact on someone to flaunt your intelligence. If you go with the Boston thing and you are asked to elaborate, then you’re screwed even more because the person will undoubtedly think “oh, you think Harvard is so great that you had to hide that fact from me so I wouldn’t feel inferior?”
You can’t win.
Anyone who knows me will tell you that it took weeks, if not months, before they learned I graduated from Harvard. Even amongst you all (my blogging friends), only 5 or 6 of you know this, and I swore you all to secrecy under the threat of being removed from my blogroll (I’m ruthless like that). Hell, even d wife had to find out third-hand from her friend, who found it out through one of my friends.
So why am I telling you this now? I grew up a little bit this past week.
[Mid-post disclaimer: My blog posts are usually funny (or at least I try). This one won’t be. I had an epiphany. And for some whacked reason, I decided that the only way to make it real was to force myself to publish it. Blogger’s Syndrome. I promise I won’t do this often.]
A few months ago, I received an email. It asked if I would be interested in interviewing kids applying for next fall’s freshman class. Something possessed me to say yes. If you know me at all, you know that this makes no sense. Consider the facts:
- Whenever someone finds out I went to Harvard, the first thing I temper it with is “oh, but I made NO friends there besides my roommates.”
- Whenever someone asks if I liked going to Harvard I say “it wouldn’t have made any difference in my life had I gone to any other school.”
- Whenever someone says “you must be smart,” I say “no, I just convinced the right people I was. That’s why I’m in marketing.”
- Whenever someone says “No way. You?? You totally don’t seem like the type,” I smile proudly.
- I have not donated any money to the school.
- I missed my 5th and 10th reunion.
- I joined the Harvard Club of Southern CA when I moved here in ‘95, went to one event and promptly quit.
With all those wonderful bullet points in my proverbial carry-on baggage, I put on my best marketing dude smile and drove across town to the home of a fellow alum to attend an interviewers orientation. As soon as I pulled up to the house, which really should have had its own zip code, or if not that then at least its own Starbucks, feelings of inadequacy filled my head. Is THIS par for my peers? What have I been doing with my life? I breathed in, I breathed out, I walked in.
The living room was set up with about 60 folding chairs arranged in rows. I promptly went to the far end and took a seat apart from the others, much like I did in so many lecture halls in years past. But unlike in years past, people started sitting around me. And they said hi. And I said hi. And we talked. Like normal people. Like friendly folks. Like people who were all like “what’s up with this crazy ass house? Are we all supposed to have one of these already? Dayum.”
Then the presentation started. As each minute passed, I felt progressively worse. But in a good way. The kind of worse that the Grinch experienced when he realized his evil deeds did nothing to dampen the spirit of Christmas in Whoville.
- First the school. Ok, so Harvard has bazillions of dollars. But they use those dollars to give the brightest kids in the world the best education they can get, bar none. Only something like 250 (out of 6,000 or so) undergrads paid full tuition last year. Also starting this year, Harvard will foot 100% of the bill to send every single student abroad for one semester. It's like giving every student their own rich uncle.
- Next, the interviewers. Some of these folks have been interviewing for 20 something years. And one interviewer has only had 2 students get into Harvard in all that time. You don’t do this for a batting average.
- And the interview itself. Chances are, nine out of ten kids you interview will not be Harvard material. And you’ll know this within five minutes. But the admissions officers and veteran interviewers told us this: make that interview last, and have a real conversation. Why? Because you will likely be the only personal contact they will ever have with Harvard – make it a positive one. Whether they get in or not is irrelevant for you. What’s important is that these kids leave there with something real. With hope, with knowledge, with perspective. Not necessarily about Harvard, but about college or the vast opportunities that lie ahead of them as they pursue their academic careers.
While being thoroughly confused isn’t the best state of mind in which to be operating a motor vehicle on the California freeways, it is exactly what I needed in order to grow up that day. Call it an epiphany or a crazy guy talking to himself (thanks to Bluetooth headsets for helping us maintain a semblance of normalcy as we engage in soliloquies while driving), but it all became painfully clear.
“So what about all the pompous assholes in your dorm and in class who wouldn’t give you the time of day?”
When you’re so wrapped up spending all your time hanging out with your girlfriend (whom you don’t even like), people tend to not connect with you. Hell, you never even took the time to learn their names, even though you’d been in the dorm for 3 years.
“So what about the fact that everyone is just trying to flaunt their cool job when they ask you what you do for a living at alumni events?”
You’re just bitter that you went the easy route and majored in psych as they slaved away at something useful like econ and landed that cool job while you got nothing from campus recruiting and had to take a job you found out of the newspaper classifieds.
“Oh yeah? what’s up with the arrogant jerks who put Harvard window decals on their Mercedes to rub it in that they're doing so well?”
You’ve never seen a USC sticker on a Benz? A Cal State Fullerton sticker on a Benz? A Georgetown sticker? A BC sticker?
“Harvard didn’t have anything to do with my success as a person.”
Have you let it? Have you even tried to do anything with this golden ticket that you’re holding?
June 1994. With my roomate Allen.
I pulled into my driveway a wiser man.
I do have a golden ticket. And I’m damn lucky to have it. I didn’t rob, cheat or steal to get it. It didn’t fall into my lap. I worked damn hard to get it. And my parents worked damned harder to let me get it. And now that I’ve got it, it’ll get me places. Better yet, it can now help me help others get to where they want to be. I can sit here and feel guilty about having it, or I can use it to inspire others.
The admissions officer (also an alum) at the orientation put it best: I'm here not for the income, but the outcome.
I can’t wait to interview these kids. If my being from Harvard makes them listen more intently to what I have to say, then I will make damn sure not to squander this opportunity to get these kids excited about college, itching to challenge their comfort levels and pumped about their future. That’s the kind of pompous asshole I want to be. And I might even buy my first Harvard sweatshirt.
[Make sure to check out other posts about Education at my friend April's blog. Today is her second Blog Blast for Education blog carnival]
Reader Comments (82)
I want to say something profound, but my brain is too fascinated with your college picture. I love candid shots of people from long ago.
Having gone to what some would call a prestigious college (you see my own issues surfacing here), I understand the dilemma. I'm glad you've worked through it! Inspiring kids about the vast array of opportunities available to them is a great thing to do.
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[BusyDad] Sad how my college graduation pic is now considered "long ago"! Kids are a great excuse to face your own issues and grow up, aren't they?
Wow! Quite an epiphany there. It's humbling that no matter how far we've come, we still have so much to learn...but it's also pretty cool, isn't it?
Thank you for sharing this, and thank you for participating.
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[BusyDad] It totally is. And it's nice to know that no matter how old you are, there's still hope for pretty much anything.
Awesome post. Good for you and good for the kids you'll be iinterviewing. You'll do great!
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[BusyDad] Thanks, Tara! I'm just gonna have fun with it and I hope the kids do too!
Niiiiiiiice post. Now that you've come clean about Harvard, are we going to hear some good college-days stories?
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[BusyDad] Thanks :) And sadly, my college days weren't too wild. But I made up for it later ;)
The verdict is in -- you do serious just as well or better than humor. I think being a Harvard alum is the true dichotomy of your existence and you should be proud of it. I also think you can spend more time on serious posts, my friend...
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[BusyDad] Thanks JMax! It flet good to get it out. But that post took me 6 hours to write. I'm going on 3 hours sleep. So these will be rare :)
Bravo, Jim, BRAVO.
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[BusyDad] ;)
DaaaAAAAaaang. I feel like I'm smarter just for coming to your blog.
I'm embarassed about the school I went to because I will NEVER in a MILLION years be able to use it to inspire anyone.
You should be proud of the fact that you came from Harvard, I've never thought of Harvard Graduates as pompous, I've thought of them as people who had the foresight to know what would be good for their future at a young age and applied themselves early on in life. So yeah, this is definitely something to be proud of and very inspiring as well.
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[BusyDad] Thanks Natalie, and I always have been proud of it as a personal accomplishment. Just apprehensive of what others would think of it or think of me. My insecurities are multi-layered. Just peeling them back one at a time as I mature.
Great post. Sounds like you'll be a good pick for interviewing the kids. Good luck!
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[BusyDad] Thanks Jenn! At the risk of sounding cliche, I do believe that it'll impact me as much as it will them.
I'm proud of you
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[d Hubby] Thanks Lisa! And yes, I know you have been pounding it in my head for years that I shouldn't be self-conscious about all this. Finally, right? hahaha
You are even more The Hotness. Bravo!
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[BusyDad] Wanna see my diploma? ;)
My Poppi was a Harvard alum, of which he was proud.
But he never responded to the alumni surveys or attended events, because he was ashamed that he couldn't handle the cold calling lifestyle of a stock broker and instead became a jewelry salesman.
Guilt and shame are wasted emotions. Good for you for realizing that now!
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[BusyDad] God, how true!! And I know exactly how your Poppi felt. Exactly.
Fascinating! My sis-in-law went to Williams and is now working at Harvard. She was going to do a phd there, but they didn't like her department. Now she's thinking of going to johns hopkins. Unfortunately the whole east coast I'm smarter than you thing seems to have really rubbed off on her. Perhaps not intentionally, but whenever I'm around here I pretty much come away with an inferiority complex. But then again, maybe that's just me considering I went to a private school no one outside of the northwest has ever heard of...
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[BusyDad] Yup, that is exactly what I've always been afraid of. People thinking I'm doing the I'm Smarter Than You thing. That's why it's always been better to just keep quiet about my school.
You graduated from Harvard in 1994? I was like...in 5th grade. You're so old. :P
And I knew you went to Harvard, does that make me special? I don't remember how I know though...
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[BusyDad] You're special, but not because you knew that (it's so easy to make the young'uns feel better)
Very well said, Jim. You should absolutely be proud of where you came from and what you have accomplished in life. Even better, you are using that background to help other kids at that early point in their lives.
And now that you have had your epiphany, if you end up scoring the huge house, you better be inviting us all over for a big party. ;)
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[BusyDad] Oh Hell Yes. College style kegger at BD's house (because us Harvard people never got to do that when we were in school).
What a great post.
(The thing I never quite get used to about being a grown-up is that all the people that you are completely intimidated by... get completely intimidated, too.)
You're doing a wonderful thing by sharing your time with these kids - for Harvard, for them, and for yourself too. Congrats.
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[BusyDad] Thanks Sarah! I'm definitely the latter. I get intimidated all the time.
Mom will love this post. Yes closest nerd, admit you got in and graduated. I think I have more friends from H than you do. True, 90% of the students there have overblown egos, but you do have that golden ticket and mom and dad deserve it! Besides, seriously, how many LA wannbe thugs write 'semblance of normalcy as we engage in soliloquies while driving'...? So now that your secret is out, can I go back to blurting out "nerd! nerd! nerd!" :)
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[d Bro] I wouldn't say 90% but there are some. I guess I am an eloquent wannabe thug?
BTW, I love how fury has a harvard sweatshirt and you don't!
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[d Bro] That will change!
So not only can you rock a funny post, you captivate an audience with a serious, meaningful post as well. Damn. YOU.ARE.AWESOME!!!!!!
Loved it, BD. Loved it.
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[BusyDad] :) Thank you McMommy. It's too tough to do serious.
Your post made me laugh. I have the opposite issue.
I spent my undergrad years @ San Diego State, the school known as the "party school" back then and more recently gained recognition because a major drug raid happened at a frat house there. Now that I'm a part-time professor, I tend to downplay where I went to undergrad because people might not take me very seriously.
But maybe as I read your blog more, some of that magical Harvard dust will rub off on me, ya think?
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[BusyDad] It's funny how stereotypes can hit you from so many angles. Sucks how that happens but I guess we all deal with it somehow right? And no, I think Harvard dust has an expiration date. It's been a while!
@Mei I don't think Jim is a closeted nerd; Star Wars, fish training project, etc have outed him. Am I allowed to turn this comment page into a Twitter page? Hahahahaha!
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[d Hubby] Yes! Twitter = traffic
Good for you! (and look, now we know what you look like with hair!)
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[BusyDad] That has definitely been the burning question since I started this blog!
Bravo.
Also - maybe you would have appreciated Harvard more if we didn't spend so much time back then making stupid bets.
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[BusyDad] No no, those are what got me THROUGH Harvard.
Isn't it odd? We all grow up for a split second at the most random moments. I'll get there some day... lol
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[BusyDad] Best thing that ever happened to me sitting in traffic... that I can publish anyway.
LOVE IT! Thanks so much for sharing. You don't ALWAYS have to be funny - and you kind of are anyway.
I went to Pomona College, and I love the place. They've got a similar philosophy (best education, don't care if you have $$), and I reaped the benefits - kid from a third world country on scholarship. I was an interviewer until I had babies and got busy. You've inspired me to start doing it again, now that I have crazy comp time to burn.
Pomona has need-blind admissions and loan-free aid packages. That means that they don't look at how much money you have when they let you in, and no matter how little you have, you never have to pay it back. I'm so proud!
I hold the record for interviewees who accepted: 7 out of 7 my first year interviewing. It felt great, especially given the 15% admissions rate!
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[BusyDad] Thanks Sadia - and it's awesome how you did the interview thing. Good record, btw. I'll get there too. It just might take me 50 years...
wow, I had no idea. seriously you rock BD. bravo!
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[BusyDad] Thanks OHMommy. I never associated Harvard with rockage, just smartage. So, COOL.
I'm all misty. My little Jim has gone and grown up! I'm awfully proud of you for sharing this.
Oh, and Harvard has nothing to do with the respect I have for you. You had me at Newcastle.
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[BusyDad] Nice to know we both haven't lost sight of the more important things in life ;)
The difference is that most of the kids that will graduate in the year 2012 will not be able to go to ANY college, Harvard or not. I actually will be the one person here who thinks, dude. who the fuck CARES? I mean, great that you had the epiphany and all of that, but I for one certainly don't think you are any smarter than I did simply because you went to Harvard. the fact that most of the kids there don't pay full tuition is great-but I would be willing to bet what little money I HAVE that every single person NOW who goes to Harvard is backed up by a lot of opportunities that are no longer available to the average American Student. The competition is stiff, public education is the only route that most students in America can aspire to, and that alone almost puts them out of the running. I wish it were still a matter of ability and perseverance and hard work, but it isn't the same as it used to be. Sigh...good post. I like the serious stuff, and I AM glad you are going to take the opportunity; my venting has nothing to do with you on a personal lever, just thoe whole subject in general.
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[BusyDad] Kori, you tell it like it is and I appreciate that. It IS indeed a nearly impossible mountain to climb these days for the average American kid to make it to Harvard or any other "elite" college. I agree. I also agree (and am witnessing firsthand) that our public education system is appalling. Luckily, I get to connect with the kids who have made it through a major milestone/checkpoint in their lives (one can assume if their counselor recommended Harvard, that their list of schools is decent) where I indeed am in a position to give them perspective that will directly help them in their immediate future. For that I am grateful and lucky.
Dude. You are Will Hunting.
Nicely written, man. Its nice to hear your pride in your alma mader showing through in this post, as it should. I'm also pretty sure that, based on the pic, you graduated Harvard too, which clearly indicates a buttload of hard work on your part.
Here's a quote I just made up: "A mile run in mud and a mile run on a street paved with gold is still a mile that has to be run"
Pretty damn good, huh? And I went to CalArts!
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[BusyDad] I like them apples... And if you had said Confucius said that, I wouldn't have blinked.
Excellent points, and truly valuable ponderings. It's nice to have these kinds of epiphanies even once in a lifetime. Do use your ticket to do good. By the way - I'm going to have a hard time not mentally giving you a completely different accent, given the above revelation.
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[BusyDad] Thanks Tom. And I can't help but wonder... snotty British accent or Good Will Hunting Boston accent?
Badass dude.....badass. Epiphanies seem to be catchy on the blogs, mine came a couple wees ago.
I'm jealous though because I would love to live in Boston for a few years. Love that town. :)
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[BusyDad] Rock on Hockeyman. And you totally should. Boston is still my favorite city.
Very cool and awesome new attitude about it all...
Not that you weren't awesome already...
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[BusyDad] :) Just a little bit awesome, but thanks!!
Dude! Harvard??? And you've been ashamed to admit it? You are either really really self depricating or I don't know what. If I went to Harvard I'd be screaming it from the rooftops of Fenway Park. I'm totally jealous. I thought it was a big freaking deal to say I got accepted to Boston U and couldn't afford to go. You totally rock my world!
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[BusyDad] Not ashamed, just uncomfortable because of the stereotypes I was afraid it portrayed. It's weird, I know, but I've found out these past few days that it's not uncommon. Dang, I knew some people from BU, we could have hung out! From your email address I think we're the same age.
Whoa! Harvard? I guess a hick like me that went to the University of Texas at El Intercepted Paso and dropped out 18 hours from a degree has reason to be jealous. Use your life experience and perspective with these kids to help them understand that regardless of the outcome, not many people get a chance to interview with Harvard. That, in itself, is a huge step in the right direction and something they can build on. Then give them a Newcastle.
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[BusyDad] Ha! exactly. It's not whether you win or lose, it's whether you can crack open a cold one at the end of the day.
Jeez, I know what you mean about people's reactions when they find out where you went to school. I often get wide eyes and snotty looks when people find out that I graduated from Villanova. That is until they find out that what i meant to say was that my High School held my commencement ceremony at Villanova's campus.
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[BusyDad] eh, petty details ;)
The Hell with what people think. If you are being sincere and no flaunting the fact you went there, then who cares what the others think. Don't keep it hidden, just don't flaunt it. Great thing you are going to do with the applicants, by the way.
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[BusyDad] Thanks James - and yeah, conceptually I totally get it. But in practice you can't help but second guess yourself. At least for me.
I am 'DAMN' proud of you, my son!( you know I do not swear )
Love, mom
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[d Son] :) THANKS MOM!!
I am glad you posted this. Doesn't it suck that people are so pushed to be modest that they have to tone down their accomplishments, just so that they are not perceived as braggarts or worse?
I am going to a pretty crappy CSU, but I hope to go to a UC for grad school. I just wish there was more help out there so that I knew how to best go about applying for grad school.
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[BusyDad] If you go to grad school I can't help you. You'll be ahead of me. But I would if I could!
Well done Jim. You know, the best thing you might do for those you are interviewing is give them a copy of this post. Depending upon where one is coming from the local community college may be their Harvard, may be their Golden Ticket.
Do good, or is it do well? Oh bother, I'm sure you know the answer.
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[BusyDad] Thanks Chuck! I was actually worried that the Harvard people might see this and think twice about my interviewer status. Glad the positive comes thru more.
Is that a gratitude post, or is that a gratitude post? I think that's a gratitude post.
It's your humility that makes you so spectacular. You could rule the world BD. And I'm damn lucky to know you.
and maturity rocks ;)
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[BusyDad] The upside of gettin old! :) And I can't rule the world, I tried already :( but thanks Piper!
This was a really interesting post for me, BD - I'm going to write to you about it. Great post. Truly.
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[BusyDad] awesome email! forever bonded.
I interview for my alma mater and it is a great experience. If you feel grown up and appreciative now, just wait until after a few interviews. You'll feel soooo connected to the history and tradition of your alma mater. You'll realllllly appreciate the education, perspective, and intellectual curiosity you developed while there. You'll get excited about promoting (marketing, dude) your favorite interviewees, cuz you want that special kid to have the life-changing experience you had while there. Then, you'll start giving money. Oh yeah. Next, you'll go to reunion and meet classmates you never knew and you'll groove on how interesting they are, how y'all share this special connection cuz of the wonderful "golden ticket" you all were given. You won't believe you've been out of touch with the place. Then, Jim, you'll feel reallly grown up. Only, when you have one too many at the campus hangout at reunion, you won't feel so grown up. You'll feel exactly the shame shitty as you did back then as a kid. And, yes, you'll still ask, "Did I really do that last night?" But good news, dude. You'll still be able to say "I went to school in Boston," which sounds so much better than "I went to school in Poughkeepsie." And still, you'll be the same smart, tattooed, bad-ass you are now. Work it.
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[BusyDad] Wow - awesome :) It is like the circle of life. Everything starts and ends with a hangover. Thanks for the kind words too.
This is, as everyone has said, an eloquent post that proves you can do serious with aplomb. I knew you'd gone there, though I don't recall how I figured that out. It was ages ago. Thankfully, I didn't tell anyone, so you don't have to kill me. *phew*
I'm in a boat parallel to yours in terms of the college anxieties thing: I'm always embarrassed to say where I went to undergrad because I've never felt it did justice to the fact that I've become a professor -- as if people would look down on me due to my undergrad education, even though I have a PhD from a very good school. As an undergrad, I went to a place that was very expensive (I was on scholarship) that at the time I used to describe as filled with kids who were rich enough to pay to go to Harvard but not smart enough to get in. (I'm not naming names here not because I'm faux-modest but because I don't want to offend anyone who might love the place.) I always wished I'd applied to Ivy Leagues so I would know whether I could have gone or not. Totally stupid, I know.
I wonder if lots of people have these anxieties about their selves on paper not "matching" the selves they feel they have become? Or not wanting to unduly shape who they become? It's a fascinating question.
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[BusyDad] Just from this post alone, I have gotten emails about this and I have to say yes, a surprising number of people have experiences like that. Expectations, image and stereotypes. whether self or externally imposed really can mess you up for a little while.
Whoa, Fury bears an especially striking resemblance to Harvard-Jim!
You're awesome Jim. And I'm not intimidated by Ivy Leaguers. I get smashed with them all the time.
(#3? MIT. #1? Princeton. Rice Cracker? Harvard.)
;-)
I applied to Cornell for grad school, they sent me the nicest rejection letter! I seriously felt good after reading it, unlike those assholes at Rutgers. I knew Cornell would reject me, it was just a wild hope dream kinda thing, maybe if I applied for masters I'd have had a shot, or gotten a masters somewhere and then applied there for PhD. Doesn't matter, I am where I am and it works for me =).
Ugh! And I was all high on myself when I had the epiphany that Ketel 1 and Keystone light DO NOT make a prefect shooter.....
Seriously. What an amazing accomplishment. On knowing that you she be proud, not on graduating college. I mean, who hasn't done THAT?! (me)
BD! Holy Sheepdip Batman! I had no idea. I never went to college, but can honestly say that my HS councelors did not encourage me one iota.......therefore I thought that I was not worthy of higher education. I'm too set in my ways (read that lazy) to go now. I'm proud of you dude! Hope you can make a difference in someones' life. Peace, Mike.
I read this and hearkened back to our conversation about Harvard undergrads versus MBA's. You were so modest, and I smirked, because my husband wears his pedigree in a similarly modest fashion, when you both have so much to be proud of. I'm positive if you were both bigger assholes, your wives would be driving Mercedes Benzes with Harvard stickers on them. Get on that, would you? In the meantime, go out there and give those kids a reason to hope they can achieve greatness. There aren't enough people in the world doing that for kids these days.
Respect. I haz it. Then again, I already did.
Great post, BD! :)
I think Joel would have been just as much of a success had he ultimately gone to University of Illinois rather than Princeton.
I