Give me fried apple pie or give me dea-- oh, wait!
Friday, November 5, 2010 This week, McDonald's announced the return of the McRib sandwich. What a slap in the face.
For nearly 20 years, I have kept the porch light on for the best thing McDonalds ever threw into an elongated semi-spherical cardboard container with ejection flaps: the fried apple pie. From the "Caution, Filling May be Hot" warning label to the guide holes that enabled you to gingerly slide the pie out of the box with your kid fingers, the fried apple pie was the manifestation of fast food perfection. Its unapologetically crispy bubbly crust served as a fitting complement to the molten oozy apple-y goodness percolating inside. The first bite was heaven, the last bite, sweet, sweet sorrow. When I was a kid, I used to stick my nose in the empty box afterwards to simply savor whatever aroma was left.
Then in 1992, McDonald's used my fried apple pie as a pawn in their public relations game, replacing it with a baked version in an effort to appear more health conscious. They even changed the box. My beloved apple pie went from sweet beckoning siren to something more resembling a homicide victim on an autopsy table. It was bloated, grotesque and oozing out of its wounds. Lifeless.
But I didn't fret. A few months tops, I thought. The public will grow restless, demands will be made, heads will roll and the fried pie will be back. Months turned to years. The internet got invented. And I searched desperately for answers.
Sometime around 1999, I found the Fried Apple Pie Locator. It was like finding an underground reisitance movement. I learned a few things, like the fact that you'll most likely find fried pies at McDonald's locations in Walmart stores because their limited space doesn't accommodate an oven. But more importantly, I had a source for old school apple pies.
Operative word: had. I found out last week that one of the underground resistance Walmarts fell to the hands of the enemy. "Sorry sir, we no longer carry the fried pies." When I got home, I checked the pie locator. That Walmart location is still a "confirmed" fried pie location, but only because the last update to the site was made in 2008. The resistance movement has moved on.
I probably would have just taken the defeat and let it go under normal circumstances, but today's news about the McRib woke up the revoltionary in me. McRib? Serious?? If I asked 50 people on the street if they'd rather bring back the McRib or the fried apple pie, I guarantee you more people would say apple pie. Not just a little more -- a landslide more. Go ahead try that yourself and prove me wrong. I assure you, I am not. Hell, I'd rather have the McDLT back. I actually liked keeping my hot side hot and my cool side cool. It made sense. The McRib makes no sense! Pork molded to look like baby back ribs? No one puts a slab of ribs in between bread!
I was channeling Mao, Che Guevara, and the Contras all at once. In my revolutionary fervor, I even made a petition to bring back the fried apple pie and put it out on Twitter, which nobody signed. But just as I was getting ready to say "Screw you guys. I'll do this myself if I have to!" I got a call from d Wife.
"I read your tweets" she said. "Funny, I got you something before I even read those tweets. You'll see when you get home."
What did she get me? These:
Those are fried apple pies, folks. From Pizza Hut! I guess they just came out with these because I went to the Pizza Hut website and they are not listed. Even though I am on a strict Paleo Diet right now, I had to try one, in the name of science. Ok, five. But I had to make sure these were the real deal. And they are. Look at the joy in my face. You simply can't fake this:
Yes, I committed a fashion faux pas by wearing the same shirt, two posts in a row. No, my dog is not eating my apple pies, as he is very well trained, but can still lay a good guilt trip on you. Yes, I am totally going to eat all 10 pies this weekend. No, I guess I won't go down in history as a famous revolutionary. Yes, the Force is strong with my wife... or I whine way too much about fried apple pies. Either way, I'm gonna be burning my tongue for a long time to come and savoring every minute of it.
Reader Comments (20)
I am so with you on your love of the McDs original apple pie. Saw your tweets and I was totally going to tell you this but was away from Twitter when I thought of it.
We hit the Taco Bell / KFC combo restaurant and get them. They are almost identical. Almost. Enough to satisfy the fix. Haven't noticed them at our local Pizza Hut. Will investigate this weekend.
I've heard that Canada still serves the McD original ones.
I totally forgot how wonderful those were. But I am really stuck on a McRib sandwich. What the hell? How does one get ribs on bread? I am suspicious about boneless ribs, isn't that kinda sacrilege?
The McRib is an abomination. I never have, nor never will ever eat one of those things. Besides, how many "reunion" tours are we going to have with this thing? It's like the aging rock band of McDonalds. Every time they need to boost their bottom line they drag the McRib out for a few shows, sing the same old tune, then usher it back into the retirement home.
I used to love those fried apple pies and can't believe it has been that long since they stopped making them. If I weren't getting back on the Paleo wagon myself (we went on vacation for two weeks and, well, there were things I just needed to have), I'd seek these things out at the Hut. Maybe I'll have done enough by Christmas to deserve a treat :)
Amen. I feel society, as a whole, changed for the worse when McDonalds discontinued the fried apple pie. I have similar feelings about Hostess' decision not supply the Southeast with my beloved Chocodiles.
A food thing we completely agree on! Man now I have to go get some!
I filled out the petition. Because I had to.
(I was invited to McDonald's headquarters in IL over the summer. They make the fried pies. I talked the manager into making me a few, for breakfast. She did and said I could have as many as I wanted. I was in heaven. And then an hour later, I was sick. But TOTALLY WORTH IT.)
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this valuable info!!!!!! I miss the fried apple pies (and cherry too). The baked ones are an ABOMINATION! I am running out to Pizza Hut today!
You are completely hilarious. And I couldn't agree more on both counts: the fried apple pie was fast food dessert heaven in a little tiny tongue burning package, adn the McRib is a gross anomaly of meat-dom that shouldn't be allowed to exist. Seriously: ribs do not belong on a sandwich. They belong next to corn bread and greens. And on some bones. That's why they're called ribs. Enjoy your pies!
As much as I dislike Micky D's (yes, I know... sacrilege) I will be visiting our local Arches in search of fried pies. Off to sign your petition now...
Ha! I've actually had both kids and think the McD's version is best. I should speak to them about bring back the original. Even if for a limited time :)
Pizza Hut, you say? Then I know my quest today.
I'm entirely with you in that devotion to the original fried pie, including that neat photon-torpedo-shaped box it came in. The hotter the better. Crispy, crunchy, bubbly, sublime. Every morsel. When they introduced that deplorable baked pie, I bowed my head and wept, and have been in mourning ever since.
I must have missed the petition; I am off to sign it now. Good work keeping the faith, and many thanks to d Wife for tracking them down in their hiding place.
i loved the old mcd's fried pies...never the cherry ones though. kfc has fried pies which i get on occasion, but they aren't as good as the mcd ones. i don't know if our pizza hut carries those pies here. i'll have to look.
Now THAT is true love. You GO d-wife. You GO...
Enjoy, Jim. You look ridiculously happy in that pic.
OMG!!! Me and my husband were JUST talking about how awesome the apple pies used to be at McDonald's. With the crispy outer shell. And now you tell me they're at Pizza Hut? You are so AWESOME!!
I hear that the McRib has a huge fan club...but what do I know. Damn that fried pie looks good...*drooling on my keyboard*
Oh, honey, NO. Next time you are seeking deep-fried anything, come to me. I know as a 40-year-old, mother of two who is still a size six I am an unlikely source for deep-fried goodness, but I can assure you that I would put everything in the fryer if it wouldn't kill my family. (I didn't even allow myself to own a fryer until a few months ago, for fear I wouldn't be able to control myself.)
But enough about me. Pizza Hut carries them, because they've been at KFC ever since McDonald's ditched them. The Colonel is one smart man, even if he dresses like a southern bigot. I'm guessing your Pizza Hut is one of those combo KFC/Green Burrito/PH outlets. (Man, I miss LA sometimes.) KFC has them in bite-sized portions, which gives you more deep-fried per square inch, or you can get the old school, scald-your-mouth-raw full-sized ones. Two for a dollar.
I should erase this before someone Googles me for an insurance policy.
Ohhh that's why I lost my love for the McD Apple Pies. I thought it just fell victim to diet like many other pastries of my youth... Although I am a fan of the Popeye's Apple Pie... Fried Goodness covered in Cinnamon Sugar!!! Yummy!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh meant to tell you - sometimes genes prove themselves: MOM texted me this past weekend from McD's on a break during a business trip. She was "having a bad coffee and an apple pie." Said it wasn't great but was tasty enough to hit the spot. Purely coincidental from your blog!! haha.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Please don't tell me the Walmart in Duarte stopped serving the deep fried apple pies!!!!!! =''''''(
The funny thing is that I remember passing along that Fried Apple Pie finder link to you YEARS ago and it looks like the McDonald's in Culver city still serves it at the mall. I'm going to there for lunch to confirm since I'm out here anyways.
-B
Every single McDonalds in New Zealand does Fried Apple Pies.... I didnt even know baked was an option...