Give a boy a cheeseburger and he'll get a Happy Meal toy, teach him how to cook one and you'll get a blog post
Saturday, August 22, 2009 "Dad, can I skip the workbook tonight?"
The kid knows how to work this "mom's not here for the week" thing really well. And I know what you're thinking. You're thinking given the fact that in the past two weeks Fury and I have adopted a huge disgusting bug as a pet, broken all posted boating speed limits, hung out at Hooters, and peed into tupperware, that I would surely let him get away with an infraction as minor as skipping a few summer-brush-up math problems and writing exercises, right?
WRONG.
Well, kinda. Or not technically. Come on, Home Ec totally counted as a class in school, right? At least as important as reading, writing and arithmetic, I would argue. Why am I even trying to justify this? He's my kid and this is my blog.
We totally skipped the workbook.
But in its place, I told him this: "Fury, I will let you skip the workbook stuff tonight, but you know what I want you to do instead? You are going to cook your own dinner. What do you want to eat?"
"I want a cheeseburger. Do I get a toy?"
"No, but you will have more fun than any Happy Meal toy could provide" (Low bars, I set 'em).
So off to the supermarket we went to pick up a pound and a half of ground beef.
"What do you want in your cheeseburger?"
"I want sauteed mushrooms."
And my foodie side shed a little tear of joy. We got some mushrooms.
"And I don't want a regular bun. I want it on a croissant."
Done. You rock, son.
And thus began Fury's first solo dinner.
LESSON 1: Look the part
Speak softly and carry a big cleaver. A step stool and Dad's chef jacket doesn't hurt either (I'm not a real chef, but I like to play chef games at home).
LESSON 2: Open a beer first
For your teacher, of course. But oh alright, you can lick the bottlecap. You said please.
LESSON 3: Get your hands dirty
Food is love. You're not doing it right if you don't make a mess.
LESSON 4: Out of chaos, comes art
We don't need no stinkin' patty press. Like snowflakes, each patty tells a story. And can be rolled into a ball and hucked.
LESSON 5: Butter
Is your friend.
LESSON 6: Butter browns quickly
I know you love pistachios, but if a snack is going to take you away from melting butter for more than 2 minutes, let's hold off. Or not. It's pistachios, dammit.
LESSON 7: Pose for every pic like it was going to be the inside cover shot of your first cookbook
You're a natural. Pass.
LESSON 8: It's all in the wrist
I know "getting air" is the point of pretty much everything you do, so this is just something I'll just need to work with you on a little bit. But I'll admit, that patty did a pretty good back-flip 360, flying hot grease globules notwithstanding.
LESSON 9: The Waft
Never stick your nose directly above what you're cooking. You need to waft the aroma into your nose. And adopting a Franch ac-scont while you're at it makes it smell better.
LESSON 10: It's the cheese, it's gotta be the cheese
Like butter, if you have a single cooking gene in your body, this instinctual tidbit comes standard.
LESSON 11: Use the right tools
If a Padawan is allowed to use a real lightsaber while training to be a Jedi, my 7-yr-old can use a knife with a sharp blade to cut stuff. He's lucky I didn't make him wear the blast shield helmet.
LESSON 12: Presentation is key
You look maaavelous.
Absolutely maaaavelous.
LESSON 13: If YOU can't enjoy it, then there's no point
While most people prefer their gourmet cheeseburgers hot off the grill, it doesn't mean that you have to agree. If you like yours quick frozen for a few minutes to make it easier on the tongue, no one has the right to stop you.
LESSON 14: Celebrate a job well done
Proud. Proud. Proud. My little Iron Chef.
Also cool? Today is my 2nd blogiversary. I can't believe I've been at it for 2 years. It's been fun. Thank you all for encouraging this madness and laughing with me. Or at me. Whatever. As long as you're laughing.
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Reader Comments (90)
WOW! Great job dad! just need to teach him how to make breakfast. Then your set!
-Aman
AWESOME! Looks delicious! Great job, Fury. And that was some seriously cool quality time, Dad. Great Job to both of you! And Happy Blog-iversary! :)
DUDE! Your kid is such a better cook than me.
Can I just tell you that I would make sweet sweet love to your kitchen? RAWR!!
and here's to 20 more years, rocking the blog!
XOXOXOX
suddenly i have a craving for a burger on a croissant ... with sauteed mushrooms.
be still, my heart. be QUIET, my stomach!!!!!!!
I totally thought you were going to say you also taught him
how to open the Honey Brown with his teeth. Also, that burger? Looks
delicious!
Bobby Flay? Ain't got nuthin' on Fury!
There had to be a lot of math involved in the burger prep. Just saying...
oh damn, thats new castle...sorry my bad. Here I thought I knew my beer.
Now you need to get him a coat too! Great job Chef Fury =)
Also happy blogiversary =)
OMG I love you and Fury!
Nathan says Hellz yes to you with the NewCastle and that Fury is a rockstar.
I'm so proud.
:-)
I'm also.. possibly, drooling over your floors.
My 4yr old daughter was looking at your post with me, and turns to me and says, "That looks yummy! When do we make that?"
Thanks to you and Fury for some inspiration.
Two years in and he still has all his fingers. Your luck is running out, homes.
I'm hungry. And happy 2 years!
Dude, Fury needs to come over to my house and make me some burgers! He fracking rocks!
Happy Blogoversary buddy! Here's to many more!
Totally awesome.
My own Iron Chef is a freshman in high school this year and is taking Culinary Arts class this semester. He told me that the teacher said they won't be cooking for about 4 weeks because she has to teach the basics of measurement and stuff. He said to me, "Yeah, she's got to catch everyone up to where I'm at."
You have to have a bit of an ego to be a great chef, you know!
Happy Blogoversary!
I'll give you a buck if you can name one dish for each one of the spices on your spice rack. (I really won't but Damn! That's a lot of spices.)
I was thinking the same thing as Ed! It's really just 20 jars of cinnimon, right? Alton Brown would be so jealous!!! Can you teach me how to cook next? lol
Fury's first cooking post and he far surpasses any cooking skill I may or may not have posted on my blog.
Yes, laughing AT you. It's been a funny 2 years. Congrats buddy!
Happy Blogiversary, my brotha from anotha Mothra.
That is just too totally awesome! I need to do that with the Demon In Training. He's an aspiring chef too. Or something. Tell Fury I'll take one to go please...
Happy Blogiversary!
Your supper looks much better than mine - and I LOVE that your son helped cook!
hey how come I find out more when I'm not at your house?! Fury needs a little chef outfit, despite it being really cute when it's huge on him. Congrats on the boggiversary and the cheeseburgers!
Happy Blogiversary to a very busy dad and his trusty sidekick Fury! Thanks for the laughs boys! :)
Congrats on you 2nd blogoversary! Thanks for all the laughs you and Fury have provided.
First Discovery, now the Food Network, Fury is trying to take over the airwaves. That is awesome. I'm going to have to try burgers on croissants next time I make them for the family.
You skipped THE workbook? Im so glad my son doesn;t read blogs. He would be incredibly jealous.
The little big man is very impressive! (and awesome kitchen, I must add)
He looks so ninja with that cleaver.
Well done, Fury, well done.
That's quite a rack back there! The spice rack. And that burger looks deelish. I really need to trust my kids more and let em get fancy with the spices too. Congrats on your 2nd year!
"Food is love. You're not doing it right if you don't make a mess."
You don't even WANT to know the dirty little things flying through my mind at THAT sentence... I'm sure my husband will be thrilled though... :P
That burger looks AWESOME-I'm soooo gonna try that this weekend.... after I get more propane for my BBQ... Beef, mushrooms and cheese on a croissant- I totally want to adopt your kid now- he's a food genius!!
A - I'm hungry
B - Look at Harvard all letting the kid skimp on the books.
C - Mushrooms AND a croissant? I got big love for that kid.
D - Happy blogiversary! MUAH!
What an awesome post! I totally agree with your lessons, particularly the one about the cheese. :) Cooking with my kids is almost always a joy, I'm glad you and Fury are enjoying it too.
hahahaha! love that you let him lick the bottlecap! start developing the taste for good beer now and so that he'll avoid the cheap-o beers during college.
happy blogiversary!
So? Did Fury think that making the burger himself was more fun than the Happy Meal toy?
Next up - quesedillas. Easy, easy, easy and you can throw in anything you want. Just gotta teach my 11 year old how to flip with more accuracy.......
Happy blogiversary, Jim!
I love everything about this story! He's going to remember this a LOT longer than a Happy Meal. You're a pretty awesome dad. Lucky for us all you're a pretty awesome blogger, too. Happy anniversary!!
That is my kind of burger. I'll take mine with a house salad and Corona. Thanks.
Awesome! Great cooking show there Fury!
And Happy Belated Bloggiversary Busy Dad! Here's to many, many more!
Good god--your spice rack! Only the words "spice rack" doesn't do it justice. I'm in awe... what I wouldn't do to have one day in that kitchen. The mess I would make! But... enough about me...
Little Iron Chef is awesome. And the finishing touch of putting the sandwich in the freezer... sweet!!! You guys rock. Happy Blogiversary!
What a great bonding event. I'm sure my son will be a way better cook than me. I love the play by play pictures. And dammit, now I'm hungry.
I want to seriously lick your kitchen.
But not the Tuperware.
Go Fury!
And Happy Blogiversary!
Totally Awesome. How is he tall enough for the stove? My very tall for his age kid is nowhere near tall enough to do things like flip burgers without burning the underside of his forearms. Does Fury stand on a stool to cook? Or does 18 mos make that much difference in height?
Happy 2nd bloggiversary :) I think it's great Fury is getting the chance to cook and use REAL kitchen tools. Lorelei is really wanting to cook...but seeing as she's TWO, I'll hold off for a bit lol.
Btw, I have a special blog post up. It's a "catch up"...with bullet points.
Dude your kitchen rocks! Love the spices all lined up! No Veggies on that burger like tomato lettuce onion? Mushrooms are my pick too. I love mushrooms and swiss cheese on a burger.
I love it when kids like good food - even better when they like to cook. ;-)
1) Your new kitchen kicks ass!
2) This is great...good, wholesome bonding and lifeskills training. At my house, I'm trying to keep the girl from stripping and the boy from smoking weed. I blame the schools.
I was JUST thinking today that I've known you for almost 2 years now! Happy blogiversary - always love your posts and always love seeing anything to do with cooking, fury, or fury cooking. the end.
I've missed these Chef Fury segments, this was a blast! He's so big now!! And the summer workbooks, oh friend, I know them so well (yes, they're sitting in the corner still, and I'M the Wife :).
And happy blogiversary, can't believe how quickly two years goes by!
cheeseburgers on croissants are VERY fancy. does he want to come to atlanta and cook dinner for me...since the only thing I've been making lately is, um, cereal?
I want my next burger on a croissant.
Your kid and my kid might be soul mates. Good thing we live way far apart or they might be sneaking out for brewski's & sautéed mushrooms (one of Lou's fave) before they hit puberty.