Cyborg. Now that’s a name I’ve not heard in a long time...
Tuesday, September 29, 2009 That’s what they used to call me. But nowadays, Fury just pats me on the belly and shakes his head whenever I flex my biceps in front of him. Cyborgs aren’t supposed to jiggle, apparently. And cyborgs don’t find an upside-down imprint of their belt buckle on their belly after prolonged stretches of sitting (you have to stop and think about how that happens, but it has something to do with gut overflow).
I ain’t as good as I once was.
Back then, I believed the measure of a man was his ability to vanquish his opponents in hand-to-hand combat. Or at least hold his own, win or lose.
And I loved it. I’ve made the best friends I’ve ever had training, punching, kicking, choking, bleeding and sweating alongside them.
And then this guy came along.
And for a while, the father lion instinct kicked in. I have to protect my boy against all the bad people out there who want to physically harm him, and hell if I’m going to let that happen to my Simba, right?
He was my motivation, my inspiration.
And it was the shot of encouragement I needed. For a while, I was better than I ever was – and I was in my mid-thirties. My Muay Thai coach coined the nickname Cyborg and I was damn proud of it. At least it was better than his first choice, “Tony Roma” because of my tender ribs.
Cyborg was relentless. Tearing through endurance drills, running, calisthenics, sparring, competitions, seminars, and even watermelon (2nd place, eating contest, 2007 team picnic, yo). Cyborg did come in dead last in the 3-legged race, but that’s because the judges didn’t allow him to just sprint and drag his partner along.
But other than that, no one ever questioned his ability to simply power through without hesitation anything thrown at him.
However...
No roving band of ninjas ever came to kidnap Fury... but he did want to tell me about his day at school.
No crazy escaped convict ever broke into my house... but Fury loved the homemade pesto pizza I would make him for dinner.
No agent approached me to star in the remake of Enter the Dragon, catapulting me to fame, fortune and Fury’s college tuition... but Fury did want me to videotape his latest homemade Hotwheels catapult.
That 2 hours that I could spend being a man in the gym was 2 hours that I couldn’t spend being a dad at home. Something didn’t measure up. So Cyborg picked up a cold beer, sat next to Fury and they laughed and snorted at Spongebob getting his face ripped off.
But old personas die hard. And although I’ve had a great time playing the puffier, jollier, 20 pounds heavier BusyDad who gets winded taking out the trash, I miss Cyborg. And when Fury patted my belly the other day, Cyborg didn’t like that.
“Should I return to Muay Thai?” I thought. No. I cannot possibly go back into Muay Thai. I have an ego problem. It took me years to get to the level I was, and to walk back into my old gym in the decrepit shape I’m in now would kill me inside. Also, I cannot realistically put in the time or effort to fight competitively. And to see the young lions training for fights when all I could realistically do at this point in my life is just train to get in shape? That would kill me a lot. A LOT.
Then just the other day d Wife got back from a shopping trip to her favorite store in the world next to Nordstrom: Lululemon. “Hey I saw a flyer that they opened a Crossfit in Monrovia.”
Open any thesaurus and you will find this word as the 5th synonym for “Are you frickin insane? Do you actually enjoy collapsing in a pile of sweat and puke at 6 in the morning 5 days a week?”
Yes. Yes I do. But then again, Cyborgs weren’t programmed for logic.
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Reader Comments (26)
OMG. I love this post. I love everything about it, not just the fact that I TOTALLY relate. Minus the gloves but plus the short shorts (I was in track, yasee?)
I heard of crossfit. I hear it's amazing. I support you fully, dude. SUPPORT. Puke and everything. :: raises fist ::
that's a very nice picture of you on the crossfit page *snicker*
(I think you look better now.)
(Not that I looked.)
(I'm just sayin'.)
(Dads are supposed to be pokeable.)
(By there spouses and children.)
(ONLY)
(But still, get in shape, blah blah blah, but you don't exactly hurt to look at now.)
(Even Josh was all, "Whoa, dude. Jim's kinda hot)
(The only other man he's ever said that about was Brad Pitt)
(We named our second after the character Brad was playing in the movie we were watching.)
(So, I guess you'll be getting a fake internet nephew named James.)
(Who will want some jiggle to poke.)
(Fake internet nephews can TOTALLY poke dads.)
(I didn't take my meds today.)
(Like I needed to say that.)
Actually @lulupasadena tweeted about an event they were having at Crossfit Monrovia. That's the same way I found out there was a Bar Method in Pasadena. I ♥ Lululemon!
I was never like your Cyborg persona. But I used to be able to run 15 km with out breaking a sweat and could crush beer cans between my thighs.
Now?
I can walk fifteen minutes and want to die wheezing and sweating on the couch and if I ventured to squeeze a beer can with my thighs I'd lose it in the folds and never find it again.
But my kids are happy. And all the extra padding I have around my middle really serves well to cushion my laptop. Plus my boobs are huge. So it's not all tragic.
Rad.
My husband's uncle had a short stint as a Thai fighter in, well, Thailand. He works for the Thai government now doing god knows what.
Crossfit looks SCARY.
Good luck and take photos.
Wow, just when I was getting excited about the prospect of you posting regularly again.
Crossfit sounds heavenly, to ME.
I wish I lived near you: I'd totally tag along! :)
Very cool. I support the whole uber-training, especially for sparring (and winning). I took Muay Thai for a couple of years, but that was just to get into shape. (My instructor was a competitor in SoCal.) I was never super in shape, but it still hurts to see where I've gotten after the child. He's 3 yrs old (so I've been out of kickboxing for longer) and I'm all "soft and comfy" now. At least the padding comes in handy for the cuddles. Right? Please tell me I'm right. Please!!!!
That sounds awesome! I doubt it's available here in Tinytown though. Have fun!
You're killing me in all the shirtless photos!
Good luck Jim!
Just to make myself clean, "killing me" is meant in a good way!
When I read the title I thought you were talking about the female MMA fighter Cyborg. LOL
I can't wait to hear how your torture I mean Crossfit training goes. You can do it. But if by some chance you can't, you'll at least get blog fodder. Right? RIGHT!! Go kick some ass Cyborg.
My idea of working out is sitting WATCHING someone else while THEY are working out; preferably with a cupcake in one hand and a cigarette in the other. So, Go Jim, I am cheering you on from the waaaaay-away sidelines. My only saving grace is that moms are totally supposed to be pokeable. :)
Dude. Awesome dads with small belt buckles are way hotter than cyborgs with big ones. Any lady'll tell ya. :)
STRIKE FIRST! STRIKE HARD! NO MERCY SIR!
I'm trying to get in shape as well. Best of luck to you!
I've often said I never reached my prime, I just went around it. I'm sure they don't have a "doughboy" class for Crossfit, do they?
You can do it! I had no idea you used to train like that. Super cool.
where do you think my 5am Boot Camp curriculum comes from. No joke. It's brutal, and I teach it to MOMS.
Damn, that is going to be a BIG ass kicking for awhile until you get used to it, but SO FUN!
I hope you enjoy it! :)
After a life time of not working out, not being in shape, I started a fitness program at 53! The first week my legs hurt so badly I could hardly push in the clutch. But, I'm still at it!
Logic is overrated...great post!
UP
Oah yeah! TOTALLY go for it! :o) I bet your muscle memory will kick in and it won't be as hard as you think.
I'm a huge fan of before and after pics, which most of my gym members HATE. LOL! Oh, and be sure to take measurements before getting started, too!
GL!
*Blink blink
I may need a minute.
i'd like to say i understand the mentality of cyborg, but i don't. maybe it's that whole lacking logic thing. i think my husband might though. he trains for iromans and ultramarathons. lacking logic something turns into just plain crazy. have fun with crossfit and please report back and make us all feel like we should at least try to walk around the block.
Great post man, I was never truly "in shape" but it's definitely gotten worse since the kids have come around. I definitely understand the upside down belt print, lol. hilarious.
Are you frickin' insane? Yes you are, my good man. Good for you. One of the most important ways to survive being a parent of 2 is regular punishment via exercise.
And I heart Lululemon too (I have a whole wardrobe that I don't want to calculate how much it cost to get it there) but Lulu is one of the most wonderful things to come out of Canada, eh ;).