Coughing all the way
Wednesday, December 21, 2011 The first year I moved to California, my entire family went on vacation to Hong Kong for the holidays. Because of my work schedule, I couldn't go with them. Luckily, I appreciate solitude, and since I was a newly independent single guy, the prospect of spending the holidays by myself in LA didn't seem as sad as it did on paper. But then I got the flu. All by myself. With no one to take care of me. Worst Christmas ever!
This is why I keep a mental checklist to make sure that everyone in my family gets sick before the holidays. Ok, so it's not like I cough in their faces or lick the doorknobs come November or anything. It's more of a peace of mind kind of list. If someone gets sick close enough to the holidays, I know I won't have to worry about them being under the weather once the festivities begin.
So far so good, this year.
My wife is sick right now. She took a sick day yesterday and went to work today, which means she'll be fine by Christmas Eve.
Lessi had the flu in November, and has been sniffly and coughy for a little while. Nothing too intense, which is good. I hate it when babies are miserable. Right now, she is all happy and giggly, but shoots a mean snot rocket every so often. Lisa bought one of those Vicks vaporizer machines for her room. That thing rules. I'll walk in during the course of the night, stand over it and take a deep inhale. Yes, I inhaled. Lessi also likes to take hits off the Vicks minty stick thing (my apologies: I am a Vicks Blogger Brigade member and I'm making up names for their products). In the spirit of disclosure, I did NOT receive any of my Vicks products for free. We went and bought all that with money, so I guess it's ok if I name them myself. Moving on...
Fury got some nasty stomach flu that took him down for a few days earlier this month. Poor kid. Glad that's over with. I noticed today that he sounded a bit nasally, so I'm a little worried. But he's on Winter Break right now, so his "fun fun fun!" gland is probably working overtime, and that has cold-fighting effects, I've heard. He's playing video games right now. I just walked up behind him and slathered some Vicks Vapo Rub on his throat. Why? Because I'm a Vicks ambassador, that's why!
As for me? I have some weird ailment going on. Everything feels sprained. Not sore, but actually sprained. I've had body aches from the flu before, and these aren't those. It literally feels like I fell on each and every one of my fingers and it hurts to move them. Same with my neck and my back and my knees. Even my tongue. I'm afraid to get on WebMD. I'm also coughing so much it wakes me up at night. I'm sure glad I have a tub of VapoRub. And a butter knife.
But you know what would make me really feel better? If you went to Vicks' Facebook page and and sent me a Vicks "Feel Better Friend" virtual giftbox. Because I can't send one to myself. I tried. Shut up, I'm covering up emotional scars. Psychotherapeutics aside, "Feel Better Friend" is free and really cool. In fact, you can send one to all your friends who are feeling craptacular. The page scans your friends' updates and tells you who's sick based on their updates. Then you can swoop in and look like the hero. Win-win. Cough... cough...whimper...
Reader Comments (7)
Those Vicks inhalers rule! Did I already mention I'm addicted to them?
I just love Vicks in general. I want to be an ambassador, too! I almost like being sick sometimes just so I can use it. Which is, I know, totally freaky, but it's so comforting!
I'm assuming this is just a funny way to fit in a sponsored-ish post. In case it's not, as much as i love your kid, DO NOT send a sick kid to my house tomorrow! I'm trying to keep my kids healthy until at least new year's eve.
PS - that photo of you with the Vicks on a butter knife is creepy.
I wanna know how you get your hair to do that. I mean, I wish I could do that. IF I could do that, I wouldn't shave my head like I do - because I could do THAT and I'd look cool.
Not that I'm not cool, mind you - but if I could do that? You'd be able to tell from a distance.
Your post is giving me post-traumatic flashbacks. When I was a kid, anytime that I was sick, my dad would shove huge globs of Vick's Vapo Rub directly up my nose. He didn't bother to spread it on my chest or neck. He decided that applying it directly to my nasal cavity was a much better method. As a result, I have developed an horrible fear of all things Vick's. Every once in a while, my wife will use it on her lips if they're chapped. It is pretty much the only conditions I have found where I will refuse to kiss her. I'll be sure to send you the bill for my next trip to the psychiatrist. :-)
I just got my flu shot. Fingers crossed that the only vicks vapor rub I am inhaling is recreational and not therapeutic.
I just made you a care package and sent it to you on Facebook. The internet is so weird.