Costumes
Sunday, October 28, 2012 I'm an aggressively heterosexual male. I slow down and admire the mannequins when I stroll past a Victoria's Secret. In middle school, I spent a disproportionate amount of time on the "Kiss My Bass" panties page in my Bass Pro Shops catalog. When the Body Shop in West Hollywood burned down in 08, I observed a moment of silence.
But today, I was disgusted at Party City. I'm using "at" in the locational sense, not the directional sense. This is not an anti-Party City post, because it could have been any store selling Halloween costumes. I just happened to be at Party City helping a buddy of mine pick up a costume for his kid.
As I perused the aisles, my eyes were naturally drawn to the requisite "slutty fill-in-the-blank" costumes that adorn the display shelves in any costume store this time of year. I have always taken this phenomenon with a grain of salt, and have even made social commentary slanted jokes about it. I've shaken my head, but never with true revulsion behind it. But then I saw this, and everything changed:
This is a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles costume for women. Ninja turtles are male, reptilian and a cartoon. You can have your vampires, you can even have your zombies, but when you take something as non-sexual and child admired as Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello and Michelangelo and make them slutty (technically, the term is *sexy* Ninja Turtle), we need to sit down and have a talk.
When I take my daughter costume shopping in a few years, she'll notice this. She'll notice that while her brother can aspire to be a SWAT officer, Ninja, Doctor, Scientist, or Serial Killer, her future aspirations will include a police officer with a short skirt and handcuffs, a ninja with amazing cleavage, sleeveless dress and long gloves, a nurse who looks like she should be straddling a pole, a girl in a bun, glasses, a short lab coat, heels and a clipboard, or a girl in a tilted fedora and strategically torn dress mimicking the color pattern of Freddy Krueger's sweater. Of course, she can also opt to be a crime fighting turtle, with patent leather thigh high boots because, and I quote, "She's the smartest and sexiest of all the Turtles!" Oh, my bad, she's smart. Ok, the mini-skirt can stay.
Upon realizing this, I took a stroll down the costume aisle to find anything non-slutty (sorry, I mean... sexy... and smart!) for women. I failed, but I did learn that Harry Potter, Minnie Mouse and even Big Bird can be quite arousing. If there were a bouncer at the door, I'd be fine with that. But there wasn't. I was in an establishment full of little boys and girls who are forming an association between aspiration and fantasy, admiration and imitation.
I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the ideal progressive male. I will never be. I will objectify. I will sexualize. I will walk into an establishment with a bunch of my buddies, armed with a stack of ones. There is a time and place for everything when you're a consenting adult. But just as there's room in this world for a woman who starts out as a girl choosing a Halloween costume to put her sexuality front and center, there is just as much room for her to put her writing talents, love of quantum physics, musical ear, punching and kicking ability, entrepreneurial drive, crime fighting instincts, leadership qualities, and etc. etc. etc. etc. in front of the world to see.
These are the "fill-in-the-blank" possibilities I want to see for my daughter. When I finally take Lessi to buy her costume, I will try to shield her eyes, because there's some scary stuff out there this time of year.
Reader Comments (25)
Great post. And exactly why we always go home made with Halloween costumes at our house.
If Lessi is anything like Zoe, she will be all, "Gross. Only sluts wear those costumes".
I've never been so proud.
First: I disagree with the "progressive male" bit. We ALL sexualize. We're human. We're *supposed* to.
Second: This is why 3of3 and I pick her costume first online, and then march right up to the counter, order it, and leave. Better yet, we buy them at Goodwill. For some reason, there is less smut there.
Third: It's interesting to read this from a dad's perspective. I get so wrapped up in my own issues around the trampy costumes (and my inability to rock them anymore, I cannot tell a lie) that I haven't even given this a moment's thought from my daughter's, or sons' angle. It really is sending a message that girls get to grow up to have tits, isn't it?
Fourth: Could you maybe swing back and grab me that tilted fedora and strategically torn dress mimicking the color pattern of Freddy Krueger's sweater? I'm asking for a friend.
I wholeheartedly agree. This is why I will only shop online for costumes or make them.
This is the reason all men should have daughters. Well said, Jim.
Luckily my daughter is still young enough (20 months) that I was able to get her a ladybug costume that is cute, puffy and not slutty/sexy in the least. (Unless you are into pillow pets in which case get some therapy.) I am fearful for when I am faced with the costume choices you describe. I know that will happen way too soon.
When we went costume shopping (I spend 11 months a year saying I am going to make the costumes, but I have a new-ish baby, yo.) I was determined to let our 3.5 year old pick out her costume. My heart froze as she looked through the racks, her grubby fingers passing over the witch in a mini skirt, skanky princess... then she found it. A huge, fluffy, completely pink, zipped up to the neck, big enough to fit a winter coat under if needed, UNICORN.
I get to exhale for another year and keep my little girl a little girl a bit longer.
I couldn't agree with you more Jim. Having a daughter certainly gives one a whole new perspective. Yet the demand must be out there for costume shops to flood the market with them. Companies are not big on ethics, just profits. The whole parenting thing is on us.
Loved reading this from a Dad's perspective. There's a market for it, because often, it's the girls' own mothers who are squeezing themselves into, and overflowing out of these same costumes. Don't get me started on women of a certain age, who haven't learned that to age gracefully is a gift. Too many women put their personal value on how much attention they can get shaking the jiggly bits. *sigh* These poor little girls are growing up modeling the behavior and values of their own mothers. I just wish we as women would realize that our value is so much more than just the window dressing. There's a whole mush of brainy crap going on in our heads/hearts too.
Cheers!
Thanks for this, Jim. Great stuff.
So, so well said, Jim.
Nothing is more horrifying on Halloween than watching your daughter walk out the door with her ass hanging out of the lacy mini-skirt that apparently astronauts wear in the 21st century. I saw this in a dream of mine - nay, a nightmare. My girls are 4 and 4. Twins. And in approximately eleven years - jesus, I hope I have that much time - they will be considering the costumes such as these they see in the aisles at Party City or on the bodies of their classmates. Am I being too paranoid at this stage? How much time do you have? How old is Lessi?
My girls are still young, so the plans their mom and I have to keep their minds and bodies busy with music, dance, sports, mowing our lawn, refinishing our hardwood floors, designing and sewing the family's spring wardrobe, are still secondary to just hoping they get through a full day making it to the toilet on time or not needing to bribe them out of a public tantrum. In a few years, they'll be immersed in our Four A "sexuality whitewash program" of athletic, academic and artistic acumen. And we think we're steering them toward these wonderful things now, but it's every bit as scary what they innately gravitate toward. Gender neutral is a philosophy of upbringing which allows your children to craft their own gender identities and we thought we were fostering that in our girls, the same way we gave equal opportunities for our boy to play with dolls, babies, strollers, shopping carts, kitchen toys, etc. Nature has definitely overtaken our attempts at redistributing these stereotypes. The boy likes trucks. Balls. Tools. Mayhem. The girls like ballet. Shoes. Makeup. Pink lace. Talking like the hosts of The View.
It's crazy, it's exhausting and someday it may turn that last hair gray. Until then, I'm glad to read I'm not alone. And don't worry. I'll start my own blog soon enough and ease up on yours.
Wow, Jim, I'm not sure what's going on with all these new posts, but I like it! I agree with you about the costumes, I can't stand it.
A group of girls (women) actually wore those ninja turtles outfits to my Halloween party last year!
I agree with the sentiment of the post, though, given that I have a house full of daughters.
When your 10 year old daughter is Five foot 2 inches, this proves to be even more difficult. She is a child, who still acts and thinks like a child, however this child does not fit into the children sized clothes...
So you look at amazon and find the "tween" section for costumes, which translates into, just as slutty as the costumes available for older women, but with less space in the boob area, skirts may be a tad shorter.
Luckily, for this child, her mother bought her a cape and a black dress that goes below her knees with some fangs, and now she has a costume and a dress that she can wear for other events!
One year my 7-year-old picked out a cheerleader costume from the Halloween store. She got it home, put it on, and yup, it was a hooker cheerleader outfit. The top was about the size of a bikini and the skirt was slit up to her underwear line. I let her wear it around the house, took a few pictures of her jumping around in it and then packed it up and took it back to the store. We had a chat about being appropriate and not, and even at 7 she got it.
This year she is a zombie bride. She looks perfectly modest and pure, except for all the bloodstains from where her heart and stomach were ripped out. Gruesome, I know, but insanely fun to make.
Amazing post. It's so lame to be the slut fill in the blank.
I'm pissed they would ruin a ninja turtle costume like that. Turtles do not wear red patent hooker boots. I would know, because I dressed as a non slutty ninja turtle when I was five.
Appropriately enough, I found this link on All Saints Day. Nevertheless, a great reminder to all of us to take a good, long look - okay, maybe not that long - at the imagery our daughters are being subjected to. Our little ladies may eventually have husbands and daughters themselves, so the vicious cycle of Sexy Turtle acceptance can stop with us. Thanks for raising your voice against this abomination of Halloween and let's hope costume stores will come to their senses and put an end to this ridiculous trend.
And enough with the Disney Princesses, too. And the kid tattoos. Those things are the bane of my household's existence.
I totally agree, my kids wanted me to dress up when I took them around this year and for the life of me I could NOT find a costume that wasn't slutty. I finally had to settle on a witch and add my own long black skirt, not sure the other parents answering the doors would appreciate my thigh high boots that came with it. Sucks!
I agree wholeheartedly with your assessment of the current trend to misappropriate the notion of sexy with slutty without recognizing they are two distinctly different things. This year a group of girlfriends in the 40 something range decided to all go out as superheros. A few of us declined because it was clearly a chance to come out of the closet so to speak and dress like a slut without judgement, perhaps? Sadly, this sexy/slutty coming out on Halloween is encouraged everywhere. My daughter is 20 mos old. I'm hoping that by the time she's older this fad will have lost it's shine and be seen for what it really is. Which in my opinion is: we live in a society that demonizes a sexual woman and uses these venues to sell sex as a costume a guise a safe venue to express your sexual prowess without be scandalized for it. But the true ideas of sexy and slutty aren't coming out clearly as not being the same thing. So, I think it starts with us as adults to change it with our purchasing power and how we view each other b/c that's what our kids are trying emulate with these clothes.
Hey Busy Dad,
I lived 6 years in Las Vegas, and to extend the sentiment, we had the same trouble there. I kept my daughter out of the line of fire as long as I could. When she thought that the Excalibur was Disneyland, and her little friend thought the show girls on the billboards were the princesses, it was time to go.
I know we're all human, but we dads have to draw a line somewhere. Glad to see there are plenty of others drawing the line with me.
Jason
I agree 100%. It's fine to me if they make costumes like that, but sell them at an adult store, not right in front of kids where kids go to get their costumes. Maybe have them in there own section like the adult section of movies at a movie rental place.
Ninja Turtles costume for women is an unbelieveable idea, it ruins my childhood memory! Adults have adults' fashion, whille kids should have kids' own fashion, which shoud suit their age. It is too early for girls to wear "sexy" costumes like grown-ups. Childhood should be innocent and pure.
New reader, found you by way of Twitter. Just going through your old posts and loving them, particularly this one. "There is a time and place for everything when you're a consenting adult." That about sums it up. I have a 9-year-old daughter, and even though I can't sew worth a turd, I've resorted to *making* her costume every year except this year, when I bought her a Hogwarts robe and a red wig so she could be Ron Weasley, per her request. Because, you know, "It's just better to be a boy. They get to do all the exciting stuff." That's the message my little science-loving mathlete/wannabe kickboxer has gotten, that the road to doing and being all the things she loves is marked "Not for Girls."