Tales
From The Dadside
Entries in Photo Posts (16)
DadCruiser Deluxe Touring Edition
Stability Control and Drink Holder come standard on all 08 models.
You're Now Like... A Kid Or Something
I drove a little slower that day, 6 years and 8 months ago. Not because I was shell shocked (I was). Not because a cocktail of apprehension, bliss, excitement and confusion was coursing through every vessel in my body (it was).
It was because you needed me. I was no longer inconsequential. No longer a reckless Ronin. I mattered.
True, you were but a peapod in suspended in ... stuff. But soon you would grow fingers that would need someone to stick a Scooby Doo band-aid on (even though I can't see this "cut" that you're screaming about). You would grow legs that were "too tired" to walk around Disneyland on (meaning my neck and shoulders will continue to keep chiropractors in business for years to come). You would develop a biting sense of humor that needed a comic foil (and would spawn a blog of epic proportions... ahem).
You sprung this fatherhood thing on me with no advanced warning. I wasn't even done playing Summer Fling Guy with your mama. Talk about now, now, now, now, Dad!
And just when I've begun to acclimate myself to the fact that I have a baby, you go and do what? You turn into a 6-year-old kid! Just yesterday, I was scratching my head over what to do with this:
But back then, all I knew about survival was "keep your hands up," so I figured you were doing alright.
Once we passed the "seven day guarantee" offered by most pet shops, mom and I were relieved that we were at least following the instructions properly. Then we started to have fun with it. Do you remember hearing me sing "Rocket Man" while cracking up and pointing at you? Here's why:
When you weren't strapped to imaginary jetpacks, you were my little lion cub. In fact, I wanted to go to the bar where I met your mama and hoist you up Lion King style for all to see. Instead, I got my Mufasa on by taking naps on the plains with you.
Of course mom had her fun with you too. Her favorite things were your chubby cheeks and tiny feet. And we have so many pictures to prove it.
Oh, I also have to thank you for indulging all my whims, as proven here:
... and here.
I know, you couldn't even stand up on your own yet and there I was getting you ready for your ring debut. But come on, let's be fair. You put us through a lot too--even when you couldn't "walk"--like that time I totally busted you messing with my office equipment!
And then one day you actually learned to walk! As I caught it on film I thought "wow, a self-propelled being!" Despite my comparing you to a guided missile, it was a pretty moving moment.
Now that you could walk, you were a certified bad ass. And training got underway in earnest. First, you had to get that grimace down:
Then, of course, you had to dress the part:
But underneath it all, you remained that cute kid that no one could get enough of.
Considering you had such big shoes to fill, you did a kick ass job!
... and along the way, you gave me a pretty big job as well: Chief Lego Engineer.
Lucky for me, you also began picking up other hobbies. Like bike riding. Which to this day has been my most exhilarating moment with you yet. This also happened to be the day it dawned on me that you were no longer "the baby."
I mean, would a baby have the balls to do this?
You are becoming a true warrior, my son. And I am damn proud of you!
But can you do me one favor? You may be a full fledged boy, and at times (like Sunday at Hooters) even one of "d Boys,"...
... but now can you slow down?
HAPPY 6th BIRTHDAY, FURY!
- Love, Dad
BusyDad
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If You're Not On The Guest List, Try The Viper Room
Some time around St. Patrick's day, I recieved an email from my friend (and de facto ambassador of Salt Lake City) "JMax" from Welcome to Schaererville. Attached was a graphic that some editors from The Salt Lake Tribune had put together as a guide to maximize your chances of getting a drink during the hectic weekend festivities.
Her email opened with "When this graphic came out I thought of you immediately." I can't imagine why...
"Oh Fuuuuuury... come heeeeere..."
Birth of a Nightclub Mogul
"Yeah! Let's make a bar, Dad!" beams my son, as he makes a bee-line for the Jawa Sandcrawler in our garage/playroom. He carefully extracts the control room and sets it aside. I cringe. But for the sake of a potentially cool blog post, I let it go. More digging around. The Lego Bionicle fort is now dismantled. Legos fly, pieces click, fingers work.
"Dad, I made the bartenders."
"You gave them all cars??"
"Yeah, they need to get to work don't they?"
My son, the benevolent mogul.
"This is the stove area. You can turn the fire on and off."
"Oh your bar serves food?"
"Yes, it's a bar & grille."
Not that it's a bad word, but where in the heck did he pick up the term bar & grille??
"Well that's good. So what if I wanted a Newcastle with my burger?"
"Right here, Dad. The beer machine. Aaaand, outside we have a beer fountain!!"
I SO hope he pursues this line of work. He's already showing signs of genius.
It definitely works better as a tap than a radar antenna.
I dub the bar "Fury's Playroom" and I must say it is coming along nicely. He's built a raised VIP area, a front entrance (complete with an awning he fashioned from a cockpit dome), a lobby, and yes even a DJ booth! I have to laugh out loud at this (and bring the camera into the kitchen to show d Wife who busts out in a rare fit of laughter).
Note the backwards cap. Brilliance lies in the details.
Things are not proceeding according to schedule. The mogul loses his cool.
"Dad! All the guests are coming and we're not even ready!!"
Clearly, this boy needs an assistant.
As patrons line up, I arrange all the separate modules that he's built together on the floor. Lo and behold, it looks like an actual nightclub!
Building one of these is part of the "L.A. Kid" aptitude test.
Opening Night, "Fury's Playroom"
As limos pull up and starlets file in, I'm feeling mighty good. Our PR firm did a great job wrangling the who's who of Hollywood to join us in our little soiree. Uh oh! Someone's getting a little mouthy with our bouncer Hewkii Matoro. But he takes care of things like a true professional.
We had to grease some palms to get that unsanctioned lightsaber.
Ok enough loitering. Time for me to go in and enjoy this party!
Hewkii Matoro: Excuse me sir, you can't come in like that.
Me: No excuse ME. What did you just say to me?
Hewkii Matoro: You can't come in like that. Sir. You have to have a collared shirt. Please step aside.
Me: Do you know who I am??
Hewkii Matoro: Yeah, you're so-and-so's guest who should have put you on the list, but she forgot to phone it in, but you know some very important people and I'll never work in this town again, right? Please step aside.
Me: Man, you are so dead! I'm Fury's dad! Hey! Fury! Tell your bucket-o-bolts bouncer dude to let me in!
Fury: Dad ... dad ... if I had to make an exception every time someone said they knew me... besides, you're making my friend here uncomfortable. Just chill them jets and ... HEY, Paris! Looking good. HEF! You old dog, get over here and bring your friends.
Removing "Landscaping" From My CareerBuilder.com Search
Check out my new About Me blurb. Notice anything different? Yup. No more 4-hour round-trip commute. No more job. I'd love to take up 4 or 5 paragraphs lamenting about office politics, but I will spare you the details. Instead, I'd like to demonstrate that despite my lack of a job, I am still living up to my online handle. Oh yes, it'll take more than losing my job to take the "Busy" out of this dad. Today I made d Wife very happy. And I've got pics. Yes, it's what you think... if you thought of lawn work.
BusyDad
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Help Me Maury Povich, You're My Only Hope!
Maury: Ok, let's welcome our next guest to today's "Help! My Loved One Neeeeds a Makeover" special. Her name is Lisa and she hails from Los Angeles. Lisa, tell us about why you contacted us.
Lisa: Hi Maury... my son Fury looks like a stoner. People take one look at him and think he's an urchin living under the street. His teachers give us the evil eye when we drop him off at school. His sports coach calls him Mowgli... I'm at my wit's end.
Maury: And you say you're afraid where this might lead...
Lisa: Yes. I mean, he's already drawing out his U's when he says "dude." He's only five, Maury! Five! What's next? Is he gonna say "Stop harshing my mellow, mom!" when I make him eat all his broccoli? When do we start drawing the line?
Maury: Right now, Lisa. Right now. But first let's take a look at Fury:
Lisa: *sob*
Maury: Don't you worry, Lisa. We've assembled just the team you need to bring about a transformation like you've never seen. Since this morning, the guys at Queer Eye for the Little Guy, have been backstage working their magic on Fury. Oh! and they tell me they're done. Are you ready? Presenting the newer, Abercrombier Fury!
Fury: Hi Mom...
Lisa: Oh my god!!
Fury: Can you sign me up for the Lacrosse League?
Lisa: *sob* yes son! I love you!
Maury: How adorable. And Lisa, we couldn't just makeover your son and send you home with nothing for yourself now could we? Nope - we want you to embrace your new role as a mom to the "beautiful people" by enjoying this DVD box set of "Real Wives of Orange County. Seasons I and II."
[cue credits]
If You Gave a Million Monkeys a Million Typewriters and a Million Years...
... they would eventually reproduce the works of Shakespeare. So what happens if you give one nutty 5-year old one camera for a few minutes for a few days?
Part of This Nutritious Breakfast
Good thing I had this post ready to go. That last one suffered from terminal "WTF-itis"... whew. Moving on.
Me: Fury, I have no fruit for you this morning. You lucked out.
Fury: What about that pizza? It has mushrooms on it. That's like fruit.
Me: Good thinking.
I Really Should've Been Mad
I woke up to find this little scene in the backyard. All things considered, it actually made me quite happy. Good boy, Krypto!
[Editor's Note] Apparently I was being a little too cryptic. Point of this post: At least SOMEONE is enjoying this sandbox I spent an entire back-breaking day building! Krypto slid the top halfway off and spent the morning blissfully digging away.
Leap of Faith #3: 4 Days, 4 Theme Parks, 3 Kids… Buckle Up.
Ok, so this isn’t really a leap of faith per se. I’ve been wracking my brain to find a leap for this week and I just couldn’t come up with one (I have good ones lined up for the next two weeks though). Taking 3 kids under the age of 6 to 4 theme parks in 4 days is more like a suicidal leap off a cliff. Close enough, right? An easy read for a Friday night, as this is mostly pictures.
BusyDad
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Iron Chef Fury
On today's episode of IRON CHEF, Chairman Kaga welcomes the newest Iron Chef to grace the halls of Kitchen Stadium: Iron Chef Fury. Fresh from his apprenticeship with legendary Iron Chef BusyDad, Iron Chef Fury prepares to do culinary battle with the greatest chefs of our time. Who's Cuisine Will Reign Supreme?
The Young Jedi at Disneyland - a Photo Story
We spent Sunday at Disneyland, partaking in a lot of wandering around, standing in line, getting a sore neck, and having a magical day despite it all. This is our day at the Exhausting-est Place on Earth.
BusyDad
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Such Sweet Sorrow
Last night marked a sad milestone for Marcus. His lifelong confidant, a stuffed bunny named Bada, would spend one final night in his arms. This is Bada’s story, a tribute in words and pictures requested by my son for his beloved friend.
A Day at the Park - Photos
My good friend Sarah is an awesome photographer. You may have seen some of her work on my Flickr site. Which ones are hers? The good ones. She spent a couple hours this weekend with me and Marcus at the park as we did our "boys causing a ruckus" thing. Got some fun pics!
BusyDad
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