Tales
From The Dadside
Entries in Having Fun (26)
Reason #34 Why You Don't Want to Meet Me in Person
Alternate title: Why d Wife Won't Watch Movies with Fury and Me
Walking through the mall, kid on shoulders, trying to catch the 4:05 showing of Iron Man...
"Iron Man, Iron Man,
Does whatever an iron can,
Press a shirt, just like that,
No more wrinkles, now it's flat,
Look out, here comes the Iron Man!"
BusyDad
36 Comments
EmailThe Return of Iron Chef Fury: Kitchen Stadium Showdown
[Cool Thing Alert: This is a simul-post with Secret Agent Mama. Visit her site for concurrent play-by-play commentary of her two culinary dynamos as our teams do battle today in Kitchen Stadium.]
If memory serves me right, my mother always said to me, “little chairman, the kitchen is no place for children.” I would then look at her inquisitively and ask “why mama-san, why is that?” and she would say, “because you come in here with your dirty little hands, grab my produce, gaze at it admiringly, take a bite and smile. It creeps me out, little chairman.”
While she was correct about my produce fetish, it seems she misjudged the influence of children on the culinary landscape. Just a few months ago, my newest Iron Chef, Iron Chef Fury, impressed the judges with his schoolyard interpretation of classic fare. Since his debut in Kitchen Stadium, kid chefs from all over the country have been clamoring to do culinary battle with this phenom. I searched far and wide for a worthy team to take on Iron Chef Fury, and my journey led me to Atlanta, where “Secret Agent” chefs Mikey and Livey have been dazzling critics with bold dishes inspired by a fusion of Macedonian culture, southern roots and peanut butter. I’m honored to welcome them to Kitchen Stadium today.
To mark this momentous occasion, I have chosen a theme ingredient truly worthy of our young chefs’ talents. Something that is as much at home in a Blues Clues lunchbox as it is on a prix fixe menu...
CHEESE!
Allez Cuisine!
Today's Challengers
The Iron Chefs
Fukui: Oh! Cheese. What a smart move by the Chairman! Who doesn’t love cheese? Let’s go to the floor.
Ohta: Iron Chef Fury just flashed a “rock on” to the audience and is headed for the pantry. No! Wait, he’s going into the audience and getting something from his mom. It looks like... could it be?
Fukui: Ohhh, from here it looks like... Bada??
Ohta: Yes! Yes, Fukui-san. Iron Chef Fury tells me that his friend and mentor Bada came out of retirement just for today to lend him some much needed moral support.
Fukui: Well it looks like this put Iron Chef Fury in good spirits for today’s throwdown.
Ohta: And a-throwin’ he is, Fukui-san! Taking a page from his last battle, he’s hand tossing some pizza dough. He says to me that he knows he did this last time, but the chicks dig it. Can’t argue with success!
Japanese female star of stage and screen: hee hee hee throw Fury throw! I used to throw things when I was young hee hee hee. It was soo fun.
Fukui: *sigh* Hey - let’s listen in on Iron Chef Fury as he discusses strategy with his coach Iron Chef BusyDad.
IC BusyDad: Ok Fury, what do you like that’s made with cheese?
IC Fury: Pizza!
IC BusyDad: Ok, but for this battle, you need to make something that’s different. Like you don’t eat it everyday. Can you think of something else that’s made with cheese?
IC Fury: Mac ‘n Cheese!
IC BusyDad: Can you do something different with Mac ‘n Cheese?
IC Fury: I can put it on pizza!
IC BusyDad: You will go far, my son.
Fukui: Ohta, did I hear that correctly? Is he making a Mac ‘n Cheese Pizza?
Ohta: Oh yes. And not only that, Iron Chef Fury just informed me that he’s putting two of his favorite things on this pizza: bacon and mushrooms.
Fukui: It doesn’t look like anything’s actually making it onto the pizza itself.
Ohta: You would be right on that too, Fukui-san.
Fukui: Ok, it looks like that one’s ready for the oven. I wonder what they have in store for us next! Let’s listen...
IC BusyDad: Ok Fury, what other fun stuff can we make with cheese?
IC Fury: A grilled cheese!
IC BusyDad: I love grilled cheese... but that’s not too different.
IC Fury: What about a backwards grilled cheese!
IC BusyDad: Um... what?
IC Fury: A grilled cheese with cheese on the outside!
IC BusyDad: That’s a great idea, but that will make the pan really messy because the cheese would melt on the pan and then it would stick and then... OH. Wait one minute. I will be right back.
Ohta: Fukui-san?
Fukui: Yes Ohta, go ahead.
Ohta: It seems as if Iron Chef BusyDad ran off the stage and is now running back with... safety goggles? And what’s this? A brulee torch??
Fukui: I hope the Department of Children and Family Services is not watching this broadcast.
Japanese female star of stage and screen: hee hee hee social workers took my kids away hee hee hee. It was sooo funny!
Ohta: Where did we get her? Oh – Iron Chef BusyDad informs me that they intend to attempt Iron Chef Fury’s "Backwards Grilled Cheese" by wrapping baguette slices in provolone and then torching them to melt the cheese on the outside.
Fukui: I see Iron Chef is testing ingredients again. What dedication to his craft!
Fukui: I think this is the part where we’re supposed to say “kids, don’t try this at home. These are trained professionals.”
Ohta: Indeed they are. Fukui-San?
Fukui: Yes Ohta, go ahead.
Ohta: Iron Chef BusyDad informs me that they need time to regroup.
Fukui: Whatever could that mean?
Ohta: Well it looks like they have time for one more dish. I hear Iron Chef Fury discussing it right now. Let’s listen in.
IC BusyDad: Ok, we have time for one more dish. Maybe a dessert? What dessert can you make with cheese? Let’s see, you have cheesecake, you have danishes, you have cannolis...
IC Fury: Cannolis! I want to make Cannolis!
IC BusyDad: Ohhh that’s a tough one, son. The shells are hard to come by here, and we don’t have time to make them by hand...
IC Fury: Make it a smoothie!
IC BusyDad: A WHAT??
IC Fury: A cannoli smoothie!
IC BusyDad: Oh boy, this is the wild card item for sure.
Ohta: It seems like the Iron Chefs are going to attempt to make a cannoli smoothie... whatever that means. I see some vanilla ice cream, mascarpone cheese, ice, milk, cinnamon and cookies.
Fukui: Now that looks different. And good! And just in time too. Because in 5-4-3-2-1... the cheese battle iiiis ooooovvvvvaaaaa!!
Ohta: So, Iron Chef Busy Dad, how do you feel about your showing in today’s cheese battle?
IC BusyDad: Yes, yes. I did my best. Yes, yes. It was tough, yes, yes. I hope for the best, yes, yes. The judges, yes yes... I hope they see it the same, yes, yes.
IC Fury: Dad, why are you talking like that?
IC BusyDad: I have no idea. I thought that’s how all Iron Chefs were supposed to talk.
Plated and ready-to-go
If You're Not On The Guest List, Try The Viper Room
Some time around St. Patrick's day, I recieved an email from my friend (and de facto ambassador of Salt Lake City) "JMax" from Welcome to Schaererville. Attached was a graphic that some editors from The Salt Lake Tribune had put together as a guide to maximize your chances of getting a drink during the hectic weekend festivities.
Her email opened with "When this graphic came out I thought of you immediately." I can't imagine why...
"Oh Fuuuuuury... come heeeeere..."
Birth of a Nightclub Mogul
"Yeah! Let's make a bar, Dad!" beams my son, as he makes a bee-line for the Jawa Sandcrawler in our garage/playroom. He carefully extracts the control room and sets it aside. I cringe. But for the sake of a potentially cool blog post, I let it go. More digging around. The Lego Bionicle fort is now dismantled. Legos fly, pieces click, fingers work.
"Dad, I made the bartenders."
"You gave them all cars??"
"Yeah, they need to get to work don't they?"
My son, the benevolent mogul.
"This is the stove area. You can turn the fire on and off."
"Oh your bar serves food?"
"Yes, it's a bar & grille."
Not that it's a bad word, but where in the heck did he pick up the term bar & grille??
"Well that's good. So what if I wanted a Newcastle with my burger?"
"Right here, Dad. The beer machine. Aaaand, outside we have a beer fountain!!"
I SO hope he pursues this line of work. He's already showing signs of genius.
It definitely works better as a tap than a radar antenna.
I dub the bar "Fury's Playroom" and I must say it is coming along nicely. He's built a raised VIP area, a front entrance (complete with an awning he fashioned from a cockpit dome), a lobby, and yes even a DJ booth! I have to laugh out loud at this (and bring the camera into the kitchen to show d Wife who busts out in a rare fit of laughter).
Note the backwards cap. Brilliance lies in the details.
Things are not proceeding according to schedule. The mogul loses his cool.
"Dad! All the guests are coming and we're not even ready!!"
Clearly, this boy needs an assistant.
As patrons line up, I arrange all the separate modules that he's built together on the floor. Lo and behold, it looks like an actual nightclub!
Building one of these is part of the "L.A. Kid" aptitude test.
Opening Night, "Fury's Playroom"
As limos pull up and starlets file in, I'm feeling mighty good. Our PR firm did a great job wrangling the who's who of Hollywood to join us in our little soiree. Uh oh! Someone's getting a little mouthy with our bouncer Hewkii Matoro. But he takes care of things like a true professional.
We had to grease some palms to get that unsanctioned lightsaber.
Ok enough loitering. Time for me to go in and enjoy this party!
Hewkii Matoro: Excuse me sir, you can't come in like that.
Me: No excuse ME. What did you just say to me?
Hewkii Matoro: You can't come in like that. Sir. You have to have a collared shirt. Please step aside.
Me: Do you know who I am??
Hewkii Matoro: Yeah, you're so-and-so's guest who should have put you on the list, but she forgot to phone it in, but you know some very important people and I'll never work in this town again, right? Please step aside.
Me: Man, you are so dead! I'm Fury's dad! Hey! Fury! Tell your bucket-o-bolts bouncer dude to let me in!
Fury: Dad ... dad ... if I had to make an exception every time someone said they knew me... besides, you're making my friend here uncomfortable. Just chill them jets and ... HEY, Paris! Looking good. HEF! You old dog, get over here and bring your friends.
So Who Snuck into My House...
... and gave my kid drawing lessons? Seriously. When they say that if you blink you miss your kids growing up, they're not kidding. I'm on my laptop the other day blogging away. Fury asks me if he can draw. I give him an old notebook. With nothing more than his box of markers, he gets to work.
"Hey Dad, look. The Ben 10 guys!"
It's not that I doubt his crazy talent in everything he touches, but the last time I really looked at his drawings, he was churning out stuff like this by the ream:
So you can understand my total amazement when I saw these (actual subjects provided as a reference).
Ok, so he used the same concept in different colors for the last two, but the kid is 5 and he did these with zero reference. I'm dumbfounded. I guess he was serious when he told mom that when he grows up he wants to be a "show draw-er."
Does Cartoon Network take interns? What if I plug this cool contest?
The Ben 10 "Ultimate Alien Hangout" Sweepstakes
One lucky kid will win a room transformation that will feature Ben 10 decor and a messload of toys. You know, basically a prize that will make the kid's head explode if he or she is half as into Ben 10 as Fury is. Deadline is April 10 (Fury's birthday is April 15, by the way, Bandai/Cartoon Network/Ben 10 corporate executives). Winners will be announced April 20. Always wanted to see what a Ben 10 room makeover consists of? Check out this clip from Designing Spaces.
Help Me Maury Povich, You're My Only Hope!
Maury: Ok, let's welcome our next guest to today's "Help! My Loved One Neeeeds a Makeover" special. Her name is Lisa and she hails from Los Angeles. Lisa, tell us about why you contacted us.
Lisa: Hi Maury... my son Fury looks like a stoner. People take one look at him and think he's an urchin living under the street. His teachers give us the evil eye when we drop him off at school. His sports coach calls him Mowgli... I'm at my wit's end.
Maury: And you say you're afraid where this might lead...
Lisa: Yes. I mean, he's already drawing out his U's when he says "dude." He's only five, Maury! Five! What's next? Is he gonna say "Stop harshing my mellow, mom!" when I make him eat all his broccoli? When do we start drawing the line?
Maury: Right now, Lisa. Right now. But first let's take a look at Fury:
Lisa: *sob*
Maury: Don't you worry, Lisa. We've assembled just the team you need to bring about a transformation like you've never seen. Since this morning, the guys at Queer Eye for the Little Guy, have been backstage working their magic on Fury. Oh! and they tell me they're done. Are you ready? Presenting the newer, Abercrombier Fury!
Fury: Hi Mom...
Lisa: Oh my god!!
Fury: Can you sign me up for the Lacrosse League?
Lisa: *sob* yes son! I love you!
Maury: How adorable. And Lisa, we couldn't just makeover your son and send you home with nothing for yourself now could we? Nope - we want you to embrace your new role as a mom to the "beautiful people" by enjoying this DVD box set of "Real Wives of Orange County. Seasons I and II."
[cue credits]
(Toy) Breaking News
The Galactic Observer
Coruscant and Core Worlds Edition
Chancellor Palpatine Issues Galaxy-Wide Manhunt
TATOOINE - Following the grisly discovery of the remains of a Republic Clone Trooper on the outskirts of Sector 764, a remote outpost on the desert planet of Tatooine, Supreme Chancellor Palpatine has mobilized an elite Jedi unit to apprehend the likely suspects, a pair of interplanetary bandits known collectively as the "Crazy Dogs."
Clone Trooper Battalion 55 found the body of their fallen comrade after a search and rescue mission, immediately following reports that one of their own had been abducted from a plateau region commonly referred to as Patio Table.
Troops mourn the loss of their comrade. "He put the action in action figure," they fondly recall.
"I had a few scouts hold their position on Patio Table after a day of military exercises in The Sandbox zone," explains Commander BD. "Their armor was infused with excess sand, and judgment told me that Interior Minister d Wife would not want them to enter the Home Zone in that state of contamination."
Sometime during the evening, as the troopers slept, one scout was abducted from the unit. Hopes for a safe return were dashed when searchers found what was left of him the next morning.
"This is an outrage," stated Chancellor Palpatine at a press conference that afternoon. "We will spare no resources to ensure that whoever did this is captured and punished to the full extent of the law. Our elite military investigative unit staked out the area and have solid surveillance footage of the suspected perpetrators returning to the crime scene."
Surveillance footage spells doom for the "Crazy Dogs."
An elite Jedi unit led by Obi Wan Kenobi protoge "Kid Fury" has been dispatched to Tatoonine to launch a large-scale manhunt.
Newly appointed Jedi Knight Kid Fury readies his team for his first mission as a unit leader.
To expedite efforts, the Chancellor hopes to entice bounty hunters across the galaxy to join the hunt by issuing a 50,000 Galactic Credit reward for information leading up to the capture of the "Crazy Dogs."
"Use extreme caution," Palpatine warns. "And biscuits."
We Were Doing So Well...
... until they decided to check his ID.
Leap of Faith #5: Let's Get Comical
I hope you’ve enjoyed this month’s Leap of Faith Friday posts. I have enjoyed this endeavor immensely and I’m kinda sad that this is the last one. Ever wonder what my life would be like as a cartoon? Oh… oh well. But I have. And now I know. As my last ever Leap of Faith (unless this blog survives another 4 years), I’d like to introduce you to my newest project: my life in a comic strip.
Leap of Faith #4: BusyDad Sings the Hits
And now for talent portion of our competition (you’re lucky you missed the swimsuit round – it ain’t a pretty sight these days). Ok, my biggest leap ever coming up. I’m putting it all out on the line. Why is it that of all things that make us self-conscious, singing is always at the top of the list? Well, at least now there’s nothing left on the internet that I’m trying to hide from you. Here goes nothing...
Let's Get Cultural!
"Hey Dad, wanna see me turn this Lego dude into a Chinese guy?"
"A Chinese guy? How are you gonna do that??"
Ok, the hat I get. But what’s up with the chicken leg??
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!
(It is the Year of the Rat. That is my Zodiac sign. According to ancient Chinese tradition, blog readers are supposed to give you special gifts when your animal year comes around.)
Return on Investment
Superbowl Sunday.
Eating buffalo wings. Hands and mouth covered in hot sauce and bleu cheese. Thirsty.
"Son, can you go in the fridge and get me a beer?"
Fury walks to fridge. Finds Newcastle. Finds bottle opener. Opens bottle.
Cold bottle of beer. Ready-to-drink.
Parenting. Finally paying off.
It's OK. No, really.
How adorable! My son taking advantage of this beautiful Saturday afternoon to play in the dirt with his construction toys.
Let's pan out a little bit, shall we?
It might be a little hard to spot him now, but if you look reeeeal carefully, you can just make him out ... RIGHT NEXT TO THE BEAUTIFUL SANDBOX!
May We Have the Strength… (aka City of Wusses)
I don’t know how much longer I will be around to update you. This morning, I walked out the door into a freak natural calamity that may paralyze the City of Angels:
See that? No... there. No, towards the middle. No... that white stuff. No, no, no, next to the dirt. Yeah, right there.
Hail.
That’s like snow, isn’t it? Southern California is paralyzed. As I drove to the train station this morning, my outside temperature gauge taunted me with digits I have never seen before (nor ever hope to see again): 43 degrees. I cursed myself for not packing a hypothermia blanket and 3 days’ rations. And panic has stricken the riders on the LA Metro. An actual conversation that just transpired between a Metro cop and some fellow riders:
Rider 1: Did you see all that ice this morning?
Rider 2: Unbelievable! I drove by so many accidents on my way here. Did you see the one up on Huntington?
Rider 1: You’re telling me! I pulled out of my driveway and almost lost it!
Metro Cop: Don't let anyone tell you different. We have winter in Southern California, that’s for real.
I send you my love. This could be my last transmission.
Iron Chef Fury
On today's episode of IRON CHEF, Chairman Kaga welcomes the newest Iron Chef to grace the halls of Kitchen Stadium: Iron Chef Fury. Fresh from his apprenticeship with legendary Iron Chef BusyDad, Iron Chef Fury prepares to do culinary battle with the greatest chefs of our time. Who's Cuisine Will Reign Supreme?