Boyz Night Out. Done Right.
Monday, January 18, 2010 There comes a time in every man's life when the call of the wolfpack beckons. When his instinctual urge to belch, fistbump and exchange wasszuuups with the homies drives him to log off Club Penguin in search of opportunities to high five and lose his voice. These are the times when the village elders must step up and offer guidance. And Monster Jam tickets.
Step 1: Round up the Boyz.
Boyz nights outs are best when shared by, well, your boyz. Guys who have had your back since day one. Guys like Jaden and Jack. Jack isn't pictured below because I don't think he was born yet when this was taken.
Once comfortably seated (and in some cases, booster seated), you begin your road trip. Make sure you all pre-emptive pee before you get on the road. You can bitch and moan all you want that you don't have to go right now, but the elder won't stop the car because then you'll all miss the pit party. So go pee. Now. I said go.
Step 2: Talk about girls.
Jaden: [some name this author can't remember] has a crush on me.
Fury: Oh I've seen her before, she is H-O-T (make sure to spell out words that might embarrass you in front of the elder). I saw her in your yearbook.
Jaden: Yeah, she is H-O-T alright.
Jack: Yup. I think she is H-O-T too.
Step 3: Trucks. Big. Ass. Trucks.
And buy program books for the drivers to sign. Just like those autograph books at Disneyland, but without all the over-the-top cartoony animal characters.
I know...
I said I know. But this is different. They crush stuff.
And there is nothing cooler than getting the autograph of those who crush stuff and do jumps. Trust me.
Except for maybe being within 10 feet of the most awesomest, meanest, wicked coolest thing ever in the whole wide world, aka Gravedigger.
Step 4: Be Rowdy
Find a venue that enables you to toss that "inside voice" out the window.
And scream and shout. Or snarl. Whichever best suits your mood.
Step 5: Embrace Excess.
Nothing like a nice good explosion to usher in the evening's festivities.
A little substance abuse never hurt anyone. Permanently.
And there's no such thing as too much horsepower...
or sick air...
or GRAVEDIGGER!!
Step 6: Witness a Bouncer Swarm
So we're exiting the men's room during intermission when I hear the familiar sound of "drunk and disorderly" meets "security staff fed up with your shenanigans." As this was taking place not 10 feet from us, I instinctually grabbed the 3 young 'uns to get them out of melee range. This was immediately met with "aw, I wanna see what's going on!" and "oooh! what's happening!" and "cool, a fight!"
I surveyed the landscape and determined that the bouncer-to-hooligan ratio favored the quick restoration of order, so we watched the scuffle from ringside.
"You see? That's what happens when you get too drunk. You don't follow rules and get dragged out by security."
And that's one to grow on.
Step 7: Wait in long lines and blow cash on random stuff.
Here's a tip. If you ever go to a Monster Truck show, buy your souvenirs first. If you wait until the end of the evening, when 30,000 other people learn that they should have bought their souvenirs first, you'll be standing in line, all wishing you had bought your souvenirs first. But of course, even if you wait forever in line, don't start thinking about what you want to buy until you get to the front of the line. Because pressure is fun. As is agitating the guy at the booth who just wants to go home. Oh, and use your credit card because they love that.
And then stand proud. Because you have done your part to keep the machine chugging along. MOICHENDISING! Where da real money is made!
Step 8: Pee in the parking lot.
Yup.
Step 9: Denny's.
You can't call it a Boyz Night Out until you've at least attempted to eat a Moons Over My Hammy. Right?
Step 10: Pass the #$%@ Out
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
For more Monster Jam / Boyz Night Out pics, check out my Flickr set.
View Printer Friendly Version
Reader Comments (32)
There is no mistaking it, you know how to rawk a Boys Night Out. The only thing I can think might be missing is a 10-bagger from Krystals - they could be a little to young to handle that yet.
Love the pix!
Total testosterone Fest!
Lucky for me I will never have go to one.
LOL
I have no words. :D
You are the coolest dad. Ever.
A rockin night out AND life lessons to grow on. You are the master.
My boyz would be so jealous. Me? Not so much. Good thing they have a Daddy!
You said "hooligan." Way to be ancient.
Also, that baby picture of Fury and Jaden exploded my uterus. So thanks for that.
Terrific post. I'm looking forward to this type of night out once my boy gets older. Monster trucks really aren't my thing though. However, F1 might be too boring for him too. Hopefully loud and fast cars will entertain him.
You ARE the best dad ever. And best uncle ever. My boys have NEVER had so much fun.
And ohmygoodness the cuteness on that old Halloween photo! Love it!
Thanks for being such a great friend to me and the boyz.
This is absolutely adorable. I always know your posts will entertain, and this was no exception. Love the substance abuse with the cotton candy!
Wow - looks like an incredible way to spend time together! I was always a huge fan of Grave Digger. Just an awesome sight to see!
Once again, too cute! And how often do I say that with something OD-ing with testosterone? only they can make it cute. H-O-T. Will have to make a girls night out with auntie in a few years :)
That looks totally fun.
And I live for cute little Asian babies in costumes.
substance abuse... ha! Love it!
Awesome night out. What will I call it though when I take my girls to the Star Wars convention here in August? Besides awesome.
Grave Digger is badass. Was Bigfoot not there? Or has he run his course in the super trucks?
Is there a way for a girly-chick to get in on Boyz Night Out? Because that #@^& looks fun!
That is so cute!! I mean, manly. Very manly.
Does it make me lamely and obviously a mom instead of a cool awesome dad to say that the last picture is my very favorite one?
You KNOW I was totally going to say the Moons Over My Hammy thing and then I was all, "Damn it! He stole my line...in his own blog post". Bastard.
Awww... I can't wait for things like that. Wait... I can go on boys' night out, right?
We're going in March to see Monster Jam. My kid is SO excited. And now I can use those tickets as punishment until then. LOL
LOVE the photos. My kid loved Monster Trucks. I also observed the fights and the rush of security guards. It was quite entertaining. It sucks that you were in the nosebleeds, but I think they enjoyed it no matter what.
P.S. I'm sorry I'm commenting so late. I'm a complete reject and always comment on Twitter, and forget to comment on blog. That's what happens when you read stuff from iPhone. Bad Julie!
I don't even know what to say to this. Except will my little dude wanna do this stuff too? Like ALL boyz want to see big trucks crush things? Cause I'm not sure my husband or I would think to bring him to see Monster Trucks.
You may need to be a consultant for us.
P.S. I really really love this post.
:-)
This was an awesome post! What a great Dad! And, with THREE! How much fun was that for all of y'all! Thanks for sharing!
How old is Gravedigger now? Not the owner but the actual truck?
You are a just a bunch of bad asses. Truly - coolest dad ever. Wow!
Sweeeeeeeeet!
Looks like major fun!
UP
Looks like your kids had an incredible night. And I love that you included step #9 on your list. Good times.
You know what? I discovered this blog kinda accidentally! A friend asked me to vote for her in the tastemaker challenge so I headed over to YouTube. Naturally I watched (and voted for) her videos, but while I was there I decided to check out her competition. Well I discovered your videos, so I just had to sneak in a vote or two for you because you have a very winning way and you son was having such a good time. Besides any man who drinks New Castle must know something about something. Anyway that's how I wandered over here. Where I spent another few minutes scrolling through your blog. And guess what? It's a winner too. Thanks for helping me procrastinate my way the the morning. GREG
mmmm moons over my hammy (minus the hammy)
;-)
Wicked.
this is beyond awesome. i went to college in alabama and lawschool in georgia, but i think you out-redneck me. *shame*