A Very "What The...?" Christmas

The anticipation of Christmas from a kid’s eye view...

* * * *
Marcus: Dad? Can I get pre-Christmas presents?
Me: Pre-Christmas presents?? What?
Marcus: You know. So I can get the small toys out of the way.

Why dilute the true spirit of Christmas: opening the big ass toy.

* * * *
Marcus: Mom? Is Santa rich?
Mom: No, why?
Marcus: Then how can he afford all those toys??
Mom: He gets some made and the rest are donated.

Good comeback, Mom! I would have just said “credit.”

* * * *
Marcus: Is there such thing as green octopusses?
Mom: I don't think so...
Marcus: I believe there are green octopusses. I believe in a lot of things, like Santa.
Mom: You do?
Marcus: Yeah - even though the one who comes to our school Christmas show is just a guy with a beard.
Mom: How do you know that?
Marcus: Cuz his tummy is only this big. But Santa's is THIS big.

Kids today. So jaded.

* * * *
Marcus: I love Christmas shopping!
Me: You love it?
Marcus: Actually, I ultra-love it!
Me: Ultra love it? Why?
Marcus: Toys... He-llooo!

Geez, Dad. Get a clue. And a butt load of toys, please.

* * * *
Me: Cool Fury! What’s that?
Marcus: Santa’s spinning blades of doom!

And you thought they just got coal.