A Postcard From China

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Dear Friends, Wish you were here. Fifty cent beer. ‘nuff said. Some quick tidbits from my 2-week China business trip so far…

  •  Crosswalks exist for decorative purposes only.
  •  Busses are harder to dodge than they look.
  • National pastimes: ping-pong and hocking loogies.
  • If you have a shaved head, people stare at you.
  • In China, only inmates have shaved heads.
  • Inmates speaking English are a novelty here, apparently.
  • One of my Chinese colleagues joked: wouldn’t it be funny if you also had tattoos?
  • He finds it hard to believe I am a VP. And have never done time.
  • Don’t ever order coffee here.
  • Unless you like your Irish Coffee without whiskey. And with whipped cream and lemon rinds.
  • Harbin is the brewing capital of China. “Harbin” brand beer is the Bud of China. Literally. Budweiser just bought them.
  • Harbin is also the sausage capital of China. They make a mean kielbasa (we’re just over the Russian border).
  • Does that make Harbin the Milwaukee of China? Or chronologically speaking, does that make Milwaukee the Harbin of the US?
  • Fifty cent beer + brewing capital of China = BD can forgive the lack of coffee.
  • Part of the above is because BD found the Starbucks coffee beans that he thought someone had stolen out of his luggage.
  • Ever see a Chinese restaurant with its own on-site brewery? Awesome.
  • The English sign on the vats says “homemade beer.” Cute.
  • My ability to speak Chinese miraculously returns when I drink.
  • Chinese people’s ability to understand Chinese mysteriously disappears when I drink.
  • The food in China is incredible. But I cried hallelujah when I found a McDonalds.
  • I appreciate how pristine the air is in Los Angeles.
  • Have you ever had to chew your air?
  • Everything Fury knows about China, he learned from Mulan.
  • Which is probably why when I Skyped with him this morning, he asked “Did the Huns get you yet?” 
Well that Great Wall seems to be doing its job. I haven’t been abducted by barbarians and every one of the billion+ citizens here is safe from the subversive propaganda of the Busy Dad Blog and Stark Raving Dads. I’m probably the only person in the world who has to post to his blog via messenger. Pigeon.