Saturday
Jun142008
A Postcard From China
Saturday, June 14, 2008 
Dear Friends, Wish you were here. Fifty cent beer. ‘nuff said. Some quick tidbits from my 2-week China business trip so far…
- Crosswalks exist for decorative purposes only.
- Busses are harder to dodge than they look.
- National pastimes: ping-pong and hocking loogies.
- If you have a shaved head, people stare at you.
- In China, only inmates have shaved heads.
- Inmates speaking English are a novelty here, apparently.
- One of my Chinese colleagues joked: wouldn’t it be funny if you also had tattoos?
- He finds it hard to believe I am a VP. And have never done time.
- Don’t ever order coffee here.
- Unless you like your Irish Coffee without whiskey. And with whipped cream and lemon rinds.
- Harbin is the brewing capital of China. “Harbin” brand beer is the Bud of China. Literally. Budweiser just bought them.
- Harbin is also the sausage capital of China. They make a mean kielbasa (we’re just over the Russian border).
- Does that make Harbin the Milwaukee of China? Or chronologically speaking, does that make Milwaukee the Harbin of the US?
- Fifty cent beer + brewing capital of China = BD can forgive the lack of coffee.
- Part of the above is because BD found the Starbucks coffee beans that he thought someone had stolen out of his luggage.
- Ever see a Chinese restaurant with its own on-site brewery? Awesome.
- The English sign on the vats says “homemade beer.” Cute.
- My ability to speak Chinese miraculously returns when I drink.
- Chinese people’s ability to understand Chinese mysteriously disappears when I drink.
- The food in China is incredible. But I cried hallelujah when I found a McDonalds.
- I appreciate how pristine the air is in Los Angeles.
- Have you ever had to chew your air?
- Everything Fury knows about China, he learned from Mulan.
- Which is probably why when I Skyped with him this morning, he asked “Did the Huns get you yet?”
Reader Comments (55)
[Mr Lady says] The best part of being a messenger pigeon is
pooping on people's headsbeing the first commenter.Am I still blocked? Well CHINA sucks!! Hmph.
i believe i can speak for everyone when i say, "stop doing so much
drinkingwork and come back soon, y'hear?Sounds like there will be a monster post when you get back.
As for the edible air, yeah, my brother used to complain no stop about the pollution in Hong Kong. I tell you, you haven't encouraged me to go visit either. lol
I've heard about the loogie thing. Blech. Yuck. Eeeeewww.
But that fifty cent beer? NOW we're talkin'!
How do you say Happy Father's Day in Chinese?
Very interesting! Can you tell me what your business is (or would you have to kill me?)
Pristine L.A. air versus 50-cent beer. I'll get back to you...
Happy Father's Day weekend!
Ahhh! Mulan! "Let's get down to business; and defeat the Huns!" You know, that movie is great the first 2,573 times you see it. It's too bad the VCR ate it.
Thanks for making me laugh! I hope you make it back without having to "do time" ;)
My friend told me Harbin has the most genuine Mandarin. Do you think so?
I just earned my 1st Extra Care bucks from CVS Pharmacy today! Yay! I know, random. I DO NOT miss the air over there - well my country's a little further down. I can't believe you have to ask for ICE COLD beer. Warm beer, yuck! But can't beat 50 cents. HAPPY FATHER'S DAY! You have a bunch of goodies waiting for you when you get back. Yes, more stuff on top of your wonderful headphones. :) I had to get Fury a watch the other day because he kept asking me what time it is in China.
I love these updates!!! So much to learn . . .
Happy Father's Day!!!
HAPPY FATHERS DAY BD!! I bet you miss Fury so much!
I think that I would probably understand Chinese if I got really drunk on warm Chinese beer, well, at least your Chinese. I imagine it's highly entertaining if nothing else. I don't need a translator to understand rockstar.
Shaved headed English speaking McDonalds/Starbucks loving inmates are the coolest. I'll be glad when you get back home safely, and don't need no stinking wall.
Love from me :)
I'm glad to hear you are having a good time and your knowledge of the language is coming back to you...sort of. lol. Awesome. And, you really used the word "cute". Cute. ;)
I had a Newcastle last night for the first time in years (can't drink the bottled ones ever since a trip to London ruined my by serving me the real stuff on draft) -- anyway, I had a Newcastle last night and immediately thought of you. So glad to know you've got 50 cent beer to keep you happy! It's just like a visit to Mexico, only without the street tacos (hold the lettuce). Happy Father's Day.
>>wouldn't it be funny if you also had tattoos?
Hahaha! I almost lost my orange juice when I read that.
Happy Daddy's Day!
*waving from 6,000 miles away*
Am I blocked in China? I needs to know!
Can't wait till you get back. Till then, miss ya and wish ya a Happy Dad's Day!
Chewing air? ew!
crap Brittany stole my comment. Oh well, could you send some beer over?
Thanks for the info...hubby (also a VP) is also heading to China next week for week. He read your post and is immensly grateful for the coffee "tidbits"....good to know!
Thanks for the info...hubby (also a VP) is also heading to China next week for week. He read your post and is immensly grateful for the coffee "tidbits"....good to know!
Happy Father's Day BD!
What a great list... and I am amazed that Chinese can't understand your Chinese when you've had too many Harbins.... hmmm, curious that.
My daughter got to travel to China a couple of years ago. Her stories pretty much match your (sans the beer references of course). She and one of her friends caused quite a raucous at the zoo. Being tall blonde Americans they became photo ops for a few of the locals as they lined up to get their pictures taken with the girls.
Skype is the best thing ever!!! You have no idea how special you are because my Fn key is working in reverse and typing is a pain in my redheaded southern ass. Love the post, love the pic and there's food porn for you on Monday's post :-)
Mulan rocks. I adore Fury.
Fity cent beers? Irish coffee without whiskey? My liver is so confused. It could be a nice place, sausage capital of the far east, 50 cent beers...horrific repression...tough call :-)
Glad to hear from you, glad you are having a good time, but hey, are you actually working? Really?
Thank god for Mulan!
Too bad people think you are an inmate. Can't you just tell people you are a Shaolin Monk? That would be way cooler.
Cant wait to hear the drinking stories!!
I completely understand the whole language thing. My ability to speak French (my college major) increases with each beer. Luckily, very few people in my suburban hell-hole speak French!
I'm just glad you found the Starbucks bag. Whew. Lemon rinds and whipped cream? Ugh.
Yum! Chewey air. I remember that feeling when I traveled abroad. But since I live in Milwaukee now maybe it would be more like home then I think?! Beer, sausage ... but my Chinese is horrible!
Sounds like it's been an, um... interesting trip. When do you come home?
I always wondered if you were a former Chinese inmate. o.O
So, does Coca Cola really mean "bite the wax tadpole" over there? Anyway... glad to know you are doing well and figuring out how to get cold beer. Stay safe.
"wouldn’t it be funny if you also had tattoos" hehe
50 cent beer, okay, I'm there :) What a cool blog you have, I'm glad I came across your in my blog browsing. Cheers!
Fifty-cent beer? That's my kinda place!
"a Chinese restaurant with its own on-site brewery?"...what else could you possibly need? One question, what do they call Chinese restaurants in China?
After this post, I'll never have to travel to China. I know more than enough. BTW - Budweiser may soon be InBev.
I'm apparently so out of touch that I didn't know they drank beer in China. I should know better by now. Beer is everywhere; the Amazon rainforest natives probably drink beer too....
Sounds like you're having a great trip! Beer is like the Google Translator of real life. Have a safe trip back!
I just had me a Harbin at PF Changs. You do China, I do chain restaurant. Hm, who got the sack in this one?
We have friends in China and I have heard the air is heavy, thick, polluted and nasty.
Strangely, I get way funnier when I drink but the crowd gets tougher because they're aren't as many laughs.
KEEP BELIEVING
Just don't inhale too often. You'll be fine.
Scary, flashbacks..I was in China for 3 weeks and remember something that was surprisingly NOT on your list, or maybe I just need to read it again.
Why oh Why on Earth does every animal you eat in china have to come cooked with it's head on and eyes staring at you!
Why oh Why is it acceptable for roaches to occupy the same space as your dinner table in a "nice" restaurant and not be a problem except for the shocked American?
Funny stuff..be safe. Enjoy the traffic, and make sure you visit the crazy food market where bugs are the main course....I am going to be sick!
Sweeeeeeet! Your post cracked me up as usual! Glad you're having such a great time. Not a bad life for an English speaking inmate!! :)
Thought of you today and hope you're well. Missin' the updates on the BD!