Total Recall
Thursday, November 1, 2007 Consumer Product Safety Commission Recalls Toys. All of Them.
WASHINGTON , Nov. 1 – Following the recent increase in toy and children’s product recalls stemming from lead-based paint, choking hazards and “those damn Chinese,” the US Consumer Product Safety Commission issued today a recall of every toy ever made.
“We figured parents have better things to do with their day than to catalog every toy in the playroom and perform a match query against all the serial numbers we provide,” the agency said. “By simply recalling every toy ever made, we’re sending a message to parents that we care about their children’s safety, but recognize that they need to make dinner.”
This “clean slate” recall is being touted by industry analysts as a move in the right direction. Similar strategies are being considered for the furniture and pharmaceutical industries to protect consumers from their growing tendency to not read instructions.
To help parents and their children adjust to the impact of this latest recall, the agency recommends playing outside. “So far, our research has indicated that carbon based life forms, such as insects, pets and friends do not pose any significant health risks.”
This recall does not come without controversy. Lobbying groups are already ramping up efforts to organize a concerted anti-recall campaign.
“I’ve got thousands of elves on my payroll with highly specialized skills. It’s not like they can just pick up and do tech support,” argues a visibly frustrated Mr. Claus, co-chairman of the North Pole Council on Commerce & Industry. “What ... they gotta raise hamsters now? You and I both know that rodents don’t travel well in sacks, nor do they do so well in the cold. The last thing I need is [expletive] PETA on my ass.”
(For real news on the latest recalls concerning all things parental, check out FreshDad – he sifts through all that junk and wraps it up nicely for us, minus the pretty bow. Meta-Dad also jumps into the recall/alert fray from time to time.)
Reader Comments (11)
Truly, it's gotten completely out of hand. I read last night that some fake teeth had been recalled for lead, and I handed some out for Halloween! I'm sick about it.
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[BusyDad] I hear ya! Now I gotta feel guilty because I'm not turning my Diego squirt boat to authorities.
ugh. Thanks for giving the links to those dads. The whole toy recall thing just makes me sick. Like parents don't have enough to get worked up about.
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[BusyDad] Anything and everything can kill us in ways we never thought possible!
Food is next. I just know it.
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[BusyDad] It has already begun. They just recalled my favorite brand of frozen pizza (e. coli scare): Jeno's. It's cheap nasty looking pizza... but OH... SO... GOOD.
GREAT post BD, you super smartie you! The whole recall thing is over the top, if you ask me (did you ask me?)
If it's for something like a carseat, or peanut butter, or spinach, or the pizza's that we both love, I think it's great...but I remember Burger King launching a big panick campaign for a recalled happy meal toy back in '99 or something...the kid (the ONE kid) suffocated because of the parents stupidity, not because of the toy. It's out of control!
You are a rockstar! xo
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[BusyDad] You know your 2 cents is always good here! I know everyone's just looking out for our kids' safety, but it's so complicated that I just end up tuning it all out and parenting on pure instinct.
Who wants PETA on their ass...really? LOL stuff!
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[BusyDad] Thanks Joe! My attempt at a tribute to my favorite website, The Onion.
Yeah, lets recall every toy. Just let our kids sit in front of the TV whole day and play with their Playstation. Oops... Playstation is also a toy, right?? No?? Yes??
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[BusyDad] The Playstation is a wonderful babysitter. oops. Did I say that out loud?
Wow- You nailed this one. It would be nice to actually think that our kids are safe playing with the basic things. It would be nice to know companies actually care about our children and don't take short cuts. It would be nice to have a million dollars.
hrm.....
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[BusyDad] Acceptance and humor... that's my coping strategy!
Parenting on pure instinct is the way it was meant to be! The trial and error endear kids to their parents, I think.
There's too many cooks in the kitchen these days!
You are doing great! Be proud of yourself :)
Did you say something? Cuz I'm likely completely focused on that attitude in the photo. :)
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[BusyDad] Ha, no. A friend of mine (who happens to be an awesome photographer) was just randomly taking pics for her portfolio one day. She told him to pose in a bunch of different ways. This was his "I'm peeved" pose.
just last night my boys geo trax got recalled!
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[BusyDad] The kids are getting restless... they want answers!
Who the huck wants PETA on their ass?? LMAO. That is great. I can see why this post is one of your favs.
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[BusyDad] I am very happy you went and read it and gave it props!