Tales
From The Dadside
I've Officially Lost It...
Gone off the deep end. Bought stock in Yahoo. Converted my video collection to HD DVD. Signed Bruce Willis to a 3-album deal. Invested in a Segway dealership. Whatever you want to call it.
I am doling out advice.
Yes, the dad who thinks that this...
this...
this...
this...
and this...
are perfectly normal activities for a kindergartner.
The only thing that makes this right? I'm doing this with none other than Mr Lady--the mom who admittedly does things the wrong way, but somehow always comes out the other side with kids whom anyone would be proud to call their own. Well, I guess I've got one of those too.
So I take it back. We are more than qualified for this little venture that we just launched. It's called Stark Raving Dads. In Mr Lady's words, Stark Raving Dads is a "Dear Abby for guys." But twice the fun. For each question you submit, you'll hear from both of us. Aside from the whiskey thing, we're coming from opposite ends of the spectrum. Sure, it's like betting evens and odds on the roulette table, but hey, you don't lose any money and you get free booze.
So dads, come on by and ask us your burning parenting questions (anything but "can you watch this kid for me?"). We don't promise results. But we can assure you that it'll be a lot more interesting than what BabyCenter has to say.
W8 Loss Wednesday #6 - A Ride-Along and a Movie (plus bonus!)
Don't forget to check out my W8 Loss Wednesday buddies:
PG @ AnnoyinglyBoring.com
Scott Townsend @ W8LossWednesday.Blogspot.com
And for those of you who missed it (which is pretty much everyone, since BlogTalkRadio was having technical difficulties during our broadcast!), I have the recorded version of my radio interview from Soapbox Radio. Soapbox Mom told me last night that there were actually 22 callers waiting on the line trying to talk to me! And I know a bunch of you hung out in the chat room waiting an entire hour for the sound to come on. WOW. I DO feel like a rockstar. Thank you ALL, whoever you are! (and it was totally cool that Secret Agent Mama and Kimmylyn did manage to get through). And if that didn't convince you to waste a good hour listening to me talk about myself, Mr Lady joins us for the last 15 minutes or so. And she reveals the origins of her name (I knew that would convince you).
What Are YOU Doing on Tuesday at 1pm EST?
Well, I'll tell you what you WON'T be doing. You won't be stuttering and fumbling over words and discovering firsthand that being witty is ten times harder when you don't have the luxury of a backspace key and submit button. But you COULD be listening to me do that. LIVE on Soapbox Radio. Many of you are already friends and fans of Soapbox Mom. And you probably know that she's been doing this internet radio thing for some time (and is darn good at it). What you might not know is that she is launching a BRAND NEW show called Soapbox Radio. And that I am her first guest! I'll let Soapbox Mom fill you in on the rest:
Scribble this on a Post-It right now:
Tuesday, May 13 at 1:00pm Eastern
On Soapbox Radio (well, just pretend you can hyperlink on a Post-It).
Call-in number: (347) 326-9613
A phone call during the show would make my day. It would make me feel totally rockstar.
Mom, I'm Not Gonna Tell You What It Is...
"... but it's made out of Legos, has petals and a stem. That's all I'm gonna tell you."
While Fury hasn't yet mastered the art of the Mother's Day gift hint, he does know his way around Legos. Better than I know my way around how to get a proper Mother’s Day gift, that’s for sure. Lucky for me, Joeprah was there to save the day. He advised me--Ok, so I straight up copied his gift (with his permission and blessing of course).
I know this post on Mother’s Day ideas is last minute, but I know kids and I know guys. If I posted this any earlier, it would have been forgotten by now. By timing it this way, someone may actually use some of these ideas. Desperation spawns action.
So go on, click. I’m even giving away stuff.
W8 Loss Wednesday #5 - Seize the (Cheat) Day
Don't forget to check out my W8 Loss Wednesday buddies:
PG @ AnnoyinglyBoring.com
Scott Townsend @ W8LossWednesday.Blogspot.com
Love Hurts
Fury and his buddy Jaden were discussing the new Ben 10 Alien Force series over pizza this weekend.
Jaden: "I think Kevin is gonna marry Gwen."
Fury: "Yeah, he really likes her a lot."
Jaden: "He's always nice to her."
Fury: "Kevin has such a cramp on her!"
That would totally explain those butterflies.
Reason #34 Why You Don't Want to Meet Me in Person
Alternate title: Why d Wife Won't Watch Movies with Fury and Me
Walking through the mall, kid on shoulders, trying to catch the 4:05 showing of Iron Man...
"Iron Man, Iron Man,
Does whatever an iron can,
Press a shirt, just like that,
No more wrinkles, now it's flat,
Look out, here comes the Iron Man!"
In Other News, Vol. 1
Apparently, blogging about your crazy life as a dad gets you on some radars. This is a good thing. Or will at least lead to good things. Someday. While my pimp-ass yacht isn’t sitting at the marina just yet, I do have a pimpin’ Tamagotchi virtual pet sitting on my kitchen table right now (tune in next week to win one). To accommodate the many interesting pitches from PR firms that I get these days, I have decided to launch a new column called “In Other News.” Basically, this is all the news that I deem interesting or somewhat relevant to parents, that I’m not creative enough to weave into a post about Legos, brulee torches or general strikes against dad. Or they give me cool free stuff…
W8 Loss Wednesday #4 - The Return of Fury
Don't forget to check out my W8 Loss Wednesday buddies:
PG @ AnnoyinglyBoring.com Scott Townsend @ W8LossWednesday.Blogspot.com
Do Labor Unions Hold Drafts?
If so, someone should be watching this kid. Threats made during a recent time-out:
“Dad, I’m not letting you read my book tonight. Mom is!”
Pfft. All the less work for me, kid.
“And you know what? I’m not gonna let you film me for your W8 Loss Wednesday videos anymore!”
Well… maybe my weight loss journey is in and of itself interesting. At least I still have the dogs.
“And I’m not opening any more beers for you!”
Dammit! Now that’s hitting below the belt!
Is This Thing Mine? *TOOOT* *TOOOOT*
Blog closed for repairs. I'm going to send you all on a little detour to Discovering Dad, a very cool dad blog written by Jeremy Biser. This dude has like a hundred blogs, but I like Discovering Dad best. Why? Because this week's Spotlight on Dads is shining on yours truly.
While you're there, make sure to give him props and of course subscribe to his feed and/or bookmark him. He features a different dad every saturday. AND, he's doing something that I wish I had thought of: he's getting the scoop direct from my favorite mom bloggers about issues that men care about, but were too scared to ask. He showed me a preview. It is GOOD. And he gets to email them without getting in trouble. I told you he was wikid smaaaat!
W8 Loss Wednesday #3 - Runnin' with BD
Don't forget to check out my W8 Loss Wednesday buddies:
PG @ AnnoyinglyBoring.com
Scott Townsend @ W8LossWednesday.Blogspot.com
DadCruiser Deluxe Touring Edition
Stability Control and Drink Holder come standard on all 08 models.
W8 Loss Wednesday #2 - The Fury Diet
See how my W8 Loss Wednesday compatriots are doing:
PG @ AnnoyinglyBoring.com
Scott Townsend @ W8LossWednesday.Blogspot.com
You're Now Like... A Kid Or Something
I drove a little slower that day, 6 years and 8 months ago. Not because I was shell shocked (I was). Not because a cocktail of apprehension, bliss, excitement and confusion was coursing through every vessel in my body (it was).
It was because you needed me. I was no longer inconsequential. No longer a reckless Ronin. I mattered.
True, you were but a peapod in suspended in ... stuff. But soon you would grow fingers that would need someone to stick a Scooby Doo band-aid on (even though I can't see this "cut" that you're screaming about). You would grow legs that were "too tired" to walk around Disneyland on (meaning my neck and shoulders will continue to keep chiropractors in business for years to come). You would develop a biting sense of humor that needed a comic foil (and would spawn a blog of epic proportions... ahem).
You sprung this fatherhood thing on me with no advanced warning. I wasn't even done playing Summer Fling Guy with your mama. Talk about now, now, now, now, Dad!
And just when I've begun to acclimate myself to the fact that I have a baby, you go and do what? You turn into a 6-year-old kid! Just yesterday, I was scratching my head over what to do with this:
But back then, all I knew about survival was "keep your hands up," so I figured you were doing alright.
Once we passed the "seven day guarantee" offered by most pet shops, mom and I were relieved that we were at least following the instructions properly. Then we started to have fun with it. Do you remember hearing me sing "Rocket Man" while cracking up and pointing at you? Here's why:
When you weren't strapped to imaginary jetpacks, you were my little lion cub. In fact, I wanted to go to the bar where I met your mama and hoist you up Lion King style for all to see. Instead, I got my Mufasa on by taking naps on the plains with you.
Of course mom had her fun with you too. Her favorite things were your chubby cheeks and tiny feet. And we have so many pictures to prove it.
Oh, I also have to thank you for indulging all my whims, as proven here:
... and here.
I know, you couldn't even stand up on your own yet and there I was getting you ready for your ring debut. But come on, let's be fair. You put us through a lot too--even when you couldn't "walk"--like that time I totally busted you messing with my office equipment!
And then one day you actually learned to walk! As I caught it on film I thought "wow, a self-propelled being!" Despite my comparing you to a guided missile, it was a pretty moving moment.
Now that you could walk, you were a certified bad ass. And training got underway in earnest. First, you had to get that grimace down:
Then, of course, you had to dress the part:
But underneath it all, you remained that cute kid that no one could get enough of.
Considering you had such big shoes to fill, you did a kick ass job!
... and along the way, you gave me a pretty big job as well: Chief Lego Engineer.
Lucky for me, you also began picking up other hobbies. Like bike riding. Which to this day has been my most exhilarating moment with you yet. This also happened to be the day it dawned on me that you were no longer "the baby."
I mean, would a baby have the balls to do this?
You are becoming a true warrior, my son. And I am damn proud of you!
But can you do me one favor? You may be a full fledged boy, and at times (like Sunday at Hooters) even one of "d Boys,"...
... but now can you slow down?
HAPPY 6th BIRTHDAY, FURY!
- Love, Dad
BusyDad
in Reflections, Photo Posts
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