If You're Not On The Guest List, Try The Viper Room

Some time around St. Patrick's day, I recieved an email from my friend (and de facto ambassador of Salt Lake City) "JMax" from Welcome to Schaererville. Attached was a graphic that some editors from The Salt Lake Tribune had put together as a guide to maximize your chances of getting a drink during the hectic weekend festivities.

Her email opened with "When this graphic came out I thought of you immediately." I can't imagine why...


"Oh Fuuuuuury... come heeeeere..."

Birth of a Nightclub Mogul

"Yeah! Let's make a bar, Dad!" beams my son, as he makes a bee-line for the Jawa Sandcrawler in our garage/playroom. He carefully extracts the control room and sets it aside. I cringe. But for the sake of a potentially cool blog post, I let it go. More digging around. The Lego Bionicle fort is now dismantled. Legos fly, pieces click, fingers work.

"Dad, I made the bartenders."
"You gave them all cars??"
"Yeah, they need to get to work don't they?"


My son, the benevolent mogul.

"This is the stove area. You can turn the fire on and off."
"Oh your bar serves food?"
"Yes, it's a bar & grille."
Not that it's a bad word, but where in the heck did he pick up the term bar & grille??

"Well that's good. So what if I wanted a Newcastle with my burger?"
"Right here, Dad. The beer machine. Aaaand, outside we have a beer fountain!!"
I SO hope he pursues this line of work. He's already showing signs of genius.


It definitely works better as a tap than a radar antenna.

 I dub the bar "Fury's Playroom" and I must say it is coming along nicely. He's built a raised VIP area, a front entrance (complete with an awning he fashioned from a cockpit dome), a lobby, and yes even a DJ booth! I have to laugh out loud at this (and bring the camera into the kitchen to show d Wife who busts out in a rare fit of laughter).


Note the backwards cap. Brilliance lies in the details.

Things are not proceeding according to schedule. The mogul loses his cool.
"Dad! All the guests are coming and we're not even ready!!"

Clearly, this boy needs an assistant.

As patrons line up, I arrange all the separate modules that he's built together on the floor.  Lo and behold, it looks like an actual nightclub!

Building one of these is part of the "L.A. Kid" aptitude test.

 Opening Night, "Fury's Playroom"

 As limos pull up and starlets file in, I'm feeling mighty good. Our PR firm did a great job wrangling the who's who of Hollywood to join us in our little soiree. Uh oh! Someone's getting a little mouthy with our bouncer Hewkii Matoro. But he takes care of things like a true professional.

We had to grease some palms to get that unsanctioned lightsaber.

Ok enough loitering. Time for me to go in and enjoy this party!

Hewkii Matoro: Excuse me sir, you can't come in like that.
Me: No excuse ME. What did you just say to me?


Hewkii Matoro: You can't come in like that. Sir. You have to have a collared shirt. Please step aside.
Me: Do you know who I am??
Hewkii Matoro: Yeah, you're so-and-so's guest who should have put you on the list, but she forgot to phone it in, but you know some very important people and I'll never work in this town again, right? Please step aside.
Me: Man, you are so dead! I'm Fury's dad! Hey! Fury! Tell your bucket-o-bolts bouncer dude to let me in!


Fury: Dad ... dad ... if I had to make an exception every time someone said they knew me... besides, you're making my friend here uncomfortable. Just chill them jets and ... HEY, Paris! Looking good. HEF! You old dog, get over here and bring your friends.

Removing "Landscaping" From My CareerBuilder.com Search

Check out my new About Me blurb. Notice anything different? Yup. No more 4-hour round-trip commute. No more job. I'd love to take up 4 or 5 paragraphs lamenting about office politics, but I will spare you the details. Instead, I'd like to demonstrate that despite my lack of a job, I am still living up to my online handle. Oh yes, it'll take more than losing my job to take the "Busy" out of this dad. Today I made d Wife very happy. And I've got pics. Yes, it's what you think... if you thought of lawn work.
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Help Me Maury Povich, You're My Only Hope!

MauryMauryMakeover.jpgMaury: Ok, let's welcome our next guest to today's "Help! My Loved One Neeeeds a Makeover" special. Her name is Lisa and she hails from Los Angeles. Lisa, tell us about why you contacted us.

Lisa:  Hi Maury... my son Fury looks like a stoner. People take one look at him and think he's an urchin living under the street. His teachers give us the evil eye when we drop him off at school. His sports coach calls him Mowgli... I'm at my wit's end.

Maury: And you say you're afraid where this might lead...

Lisa: Yes. I mean, he's already drawing out his U's when he says "dude." He's only five, Maury! Five!  What's next? Is he gonna say "Stop harshing my mellow, mom!" when I make him eat all his broccoli? When do we start drawing the line?

Maury:  Right now, Lisa. Right now. But first let's take a look at Fury:


Lisa: *sob*  

Maury: Don't you worry, Lisa. We've assembled just the team you need to bring about a transformation like you've never seen. Since this morning, the guys at Queer Eye for the Little Guy, have been backstage working their magic on Fury. Oh! and they tell me they're done. Are you ready? Presenting the newer, Abercrombier Fury!


Fury: Hi Mom...
Lisa: Oh my god!! 
Fury: Can you sign me up for the Lacrosse League?
Lisa: *sob* yes son! I love you! 

Maury: How adorable. And Lisa, we couldn't just makeover your son and send you home with nothing for yourself now could we? Nope - we want you to embrace your new role as a mom to the "beautiful people" by enjoying this DVD box set of "Real Wives of Orange County. Seasons I and II."

[cue credits] 

I Really Should've Been Mad

I woke up to find this little scene in the backyard. All things considered, it actually made me quite happy. Good boy, Krypto!


[Editor's Note] Apparently I was being a little too cryptic. Point of this post: At least SOMEONE is enjoying this sandbox I spent an entire back-breaking day building! Krypto slid the top halfway off and spent the morning blissfully digging away.

Leap of Faith #3: 4 Days, 4 Theme Parks, 3 Kids… Buckle Up.

Ok, so this isn’t really a leap of faith per se. I’ve been wracking my brain to find a leap for this week and I just couldn’t come up with one (I have good ones lined up for the next two weeks though). Taking 3 kids under the age of 6 to 4 theme parks in 4 days is more like a suicidal leap off a cliff. Close enough, right? An easy read for a Friday night, as this is mostly pictures.
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