... until they decided to check his ID.
... until they decided to check his ID.
"Hey Dad, wanna see me turn this Lego dude into a Chinese guy?"
"A Chinese guy? How are you gonna do that??"
Ok, the hat I get. But what’s up with the chicken leg??
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!
(It is the Year of the Rat. That is my Zodiac sign. According to ancient Chinese tradition, blog readers are supposed to give you special gifts when your animal year comes around.)
Eating buffalo wings. Hands and mouth covered in hot sauce and bleu cheese. Thirsty.
"Son, can you go in the fridge and get me a beer?"
Fury walks to fridge. Finds Newcastle. Finds bottle opener. Opens bottle.
Cold bottle of beer. Ready-to-drink.
Parenting. Finally paying off.
How adorable! My son taking advantage of this beautiful Saturday afternoon to play in the dirt with his construction toys.
Let's pan out a little bit, shall we?
It might be a little hard to spot him now, but if you look reeeeal carefully, you can just make him out ... RIGHT NEXT TO THE BEAUTIFUL SANDBOX!
I don’t know how much longer I will be around to update you. This morning, I walked out the door into a freak natural calamity that may paralyze the City of Angels:
See that? No... there. No, towards the middle. No... that white stuff. No, no, no, next to the dirt. Yeah, right there.
That’s like snow, isn’t it? Southern California is paralyzed. As I drove to the train station this morning, my outside temperature gauge taunted me with digits I have never seen before (nor ever hope to see again): 43 degrees. I cursed myself for not packing a hypothermia blanket and 3 days’ rations. And panic has stricken the riders on the LA Metro. An actual conversation that just transpired between a Metro cop and some fellow riders:
Rider 1: Did you see all that ice this morning?
Rider 2: Unbelievable! I drove by so many accidents on my way here. Did you see the one up on Huntington?
Rider 1: You’re telling me! I pulled out of my driveway and almost lost it!
Metro Cop: Don't let anyone tell you different. We have winter in Southern California, that’s for real.
I send you my love. This could be my last transmission.
Unless you are a parent blogger, please step away from the computer. There is nothing to see here. No funny stories about me getting duped by Fury. No cute anecdotes, no tips, no nothing. In fact, if you click below, you will realize what a "special" group of individuals we mom and dad bloggers are. And I mean special in the most euphemistic way...
If you do happen to be a parent blogger, then I cordially invite you to join me. It's BYOB, but there are no sobriety checkpoints on the info superhighway. Also, no walk of shame involved.
We did it! We beat our previous Lego Behemoth project by 5 hours! Damn I'm good. With Marcus as my pit chief, and my new proprietary Lego assembly technique, we completed this one in a mere 5 hours.
Son, keep the beer flowing, and I'll keep the pieces clicking
Hey Lego Co., I deserve some kind of sponsorship (or Newcastle, I'll take that too)
I'm about to embark on Mega Behemoth Star Wars Lego Project II. This time I have a new methodology that I'm testing. Should cut my time in half. It is 8:56 am PST. If I'm not back by daybreak, call the rescue dogs.
Yes. 10 hours. First thing he said after I popped the last Lego piece into place?
"Play with me!"
Labor laws don't apply to dads...
The annual “10 Worst Toys List” was released yesterday. Number 1 on this list? The Go Diego Go Rescue Boat, one of this year's high-profile lead paint recall items.
I had to break it to the boy...
Me: Well Fury, looks like we need to return that boat to Toys R Us.
Me: It has lead paint on it. If you lick it, you will die.
Marcus: Oh... What about Diego? Can I lick Diego?
Me: Um... No. No, you can’t lick Diego. Even if Diego were painted with certified organic soy-based paint...
Marcus: What’s certified organic—
Me: Oh hey! Let’s build something!
Eat Lead, SUCKA!
Marcus: Why are you socdej?
Me: Huh? What’s sock dedge?
Marcus: Why are you sojek?
Me: Come again? So jacked?
Marcus: Why. Are. You. SHOJEF!
Wife: He’s asking, WHY ARE YOU SO DEAF?
… because, dear family, the human body has the ability to adapt to its surroundings to survive in its environment.
Consumer Product Safety Commission Recalls Toys. All of Them.
WASHINGTON , Nov. 1 – Following the recent increase in toy and children’s product recalls stemming from lead-based paint, choking hazards and “those damn Chinese,” the US Consumer Product Safety Commission issued today a recall of every toy ever made.
“We figured parents have better things to do with their day than to catalog every toy in the playroom and perform a match query against all the serial numbers we provide,” the agency said. “By simply recalling every toy ever made, we’re sending a message to parents that we care about their children’s safety, but recognize that they need to make dinner.”
This “clean slate” recall is being touted by industry analysts as a move in the right direction. Similar strategies are being considered for the furniture and pharmaceutical industries to protect consumers from their growing tendency to not read instructions.
To help parents and their children adjust to the impact of this latest recall, the agency recommends playing outside. “So far, our research has indicated that carbon based life forms, such as insects, pets and friends do not pose any significant health risks.”
This recall does not come without controversy. Lobbying groups are already ramping up efforts to organize a concerted anti-recall campaign.
“I’ve got thousands of elves on my payroll with highly specialized skills. It’s not like they can just pick up and do tech support,” argues a visibly frustrated Mr. Claus, co-chairman of the North Pole Council on Commerce & Industry. “What ... they gotta raise hamsters now? You and I both know that rodents don’t travel well in sacks, nor do they do so well in the cold. The last thing I need is [expletive] PETA on my ass.”
(For real news on the latest recalls concerning all things parental, check out FreshDad – he sifts through all that junk and wraps it up nicely for us, minus the pretty bow. Meta-Dad also jumps into the recall/alert fray from time to time.)
A fun time was had by all (well, maybe not the dog). Candy was plentiful and the weather was warm. The Force was with us.
Was it worth buying all sorts of random stuff from eBay, Jo-Ann Fabrics, the Army Navy Store, Home Depot and Chick's Sporting Goods (a real police duty belt, an airline seatbelt belt, a kid's karate outfit, athletic tape, nylon webbing, spray paint etc.), discovering I can't sew worth a damn, and taking 2 hours off of work (which I just had to make up now from home after trick or treating) for just a few hours of dress up fun? HELL YEAH!!
We've been meaning to get Marcus' hair cut for about 3 weeks, but something always comes up. Rather than fret about the fact that he's begining to resemble one of the original Bad News Bears, I've learned to have fun with it. We've been playing "Elvis Hairdo," making faux hawks and doing it up Alfalfa style every night after his shower. Yesterday, I outdid myself. I had to show my newest creation: WOLVERINE!! Does this kick ass or what! Although Halloween night is already decided (we're going as Luke and Han Solo), he still has his kindergarten dress up during the day. I'm thinking a little biker jacket, some cardboard claws and boots would make for the baddest costume in school!