The Tao of Poo

Hi everyone, I'm Alessia. But you can call me Lessi. My dad made me guest post today because he's busy blogging on Huggies' new blog HighChairCritics.com. Sure dad, work the paid gig and leave the "keepin it real" stuff to your infant daughter. Hey, I wasn't born yesterday, you know. In fact, it's been at least like 90 days. Those free diapers benefit you more than me. I'm just as happy going au naturel on the couch knowwhutimean? If you know what's good for you, you better start saving up for that pony. By the way, what kind of a nickname is Lessi? My big brother gets a badass nickname with a compelling backstory, and what do I get? A measly vowel removed from each end of my name.

Uninspired nicknames aside, I like being a part of this family, and I do understand that with it, comes certain duties. The main one being working the family blog with my brother. Well, at least it's not planting rice. All hail the digital age!

So, readers of the Lin Family blog, I'd like to drop some wisdom on you today. You may be smart grown-ups and stuff, but I know a thing or two about good living, because I don't have a boss, a lienholder or kids. Also, I haven't learned how to do a proper topical segway, so here goes.

A genuine smile can make someone's day.

It can also cause a chain reaction. Especially if you tweet it.

Dads are great, but never as good as moms.

No boobies. Sorry dad, you lose.

Allow yourself to be mesmerized.

This dragonfly is awesome. It moves back and forth. It is colorful. And when it stops, all I have to do is cry and someone will make it move again. The basic principles of physics and social manipulation rolled into one. Fascinating. Which brings me to my next tidbit (oh, I'm starting to get this segway thing)...

To get what you want, sometimes you've got to make some noise.

You might get passed around a lot, but eventually someone will break down and carry/bounce you in endless laps around the living room at 4am. At least he got to watch 3 episodes of Dexter while doing it.

Fall asleep in the car. There is nothing better.

I learned that from my big brother.

No wait -- a burp and a nap. That pretty much rules the world.

Case closed.

Poop (in a well-shaped diaper, no less) is love.

Ok, well, creation is love, but until I can churn out drawings that you can adoringly stick on the fridge, poop is all I got in that department.

p-p-p-pooper face p-p-pooper faceIn fact, just the other day, when dad had to fly to Boston, I showed him just how much I loved him by making a good-bye poop. I even timed it perfectly to when we had to rush out the door. He laughed, put down his bags and changed me while mom and Fury waited in the car. After he gave me a fresh new diaper I thought since he would be gone for a few days, another expression of love was in order. He looked at his watch, smiled once more and opened my second present and began to change me. This time I thought "how about one for the road?" I didn't even bother to wait for the new diaper.

I've never heard the phrase "oh my #$%@ no %^$# way!" but I think it means "that's the best going away present ever! You're the best!"

Well, that's all I got for now. I've only been around a few months. I'll think up some more later. But first, I'm going to shop these gems of knowledge to a fortune cookie company. They may pay better than dad. 

[BusyDad covering his butt: I have partnered with the Huggies® brand to help promote Huggies® Little Movers Diapers. They paid me in cash and diapers, (which just sounds more like a ransom arrangement than a business one) in exchange for neglecting my wife to write about my experiences from my daughter’s point of view here and on HighChairCritics.com. Which, come to think of it, is who I should use that cash on, if I know what's good for me. My opinions and absurdity are entirely my own, because I'm sure Huggies isn't some crazy Asian guy punch drunk on parenting and lack of sleep.]

I've Got 20 Minutes and a Baby Picture

Consider this post a pre-emptive strike, nothing more. I've been doing this once-a-month posting thing for long enough to intuitively sense when I'm about to be called out on Twitter for abandoning my blog. Plus, my dogs started barking at the sky and swarms of bees flew in counter-clockwise formation yesterday.

But I've got 20 minutes before I need to jump in the car and head to work. So I'm pulling the baby picture / new blog fodder card. This is BusyBaby at 12ish weeks. We don't know the sex yet, so I can't give him/her a cool nickname. 

Is it me or is BusyBaby really developed for just 12 weeks? He/she is sucking his/her thumb and has already located the spot for optimal lumbar support.

Of course Fury is all excited. He's been asking for a little sister for some time now. Hmm spoil him much? We've tried to explain to him that the gender of the baby will be a gamble, like Vegas (shut up, he just goes for the free alcohol), but of course he's not above stirring the cosmic pot with the power of suggestion. He's been holding onto this gift he got for his little sister for months now:

Let's hope Fury can charm fate like he does the world.

This is as close as we're going to get...

... to real snow.

That's hail. Dog food sized chunks of frozen death terrorized Southern California last night. Fury brought some to school to show his friends. Shut up, he's snow illiterate.

... to a real post.

Yeah... I know. I don't come around here that often anymore. And I have been publicly mocked for it via Web 2.0:

At least you know I didn't just pick my blog name for its search engine friendly attributes (Google "dad blog" or "dad blogs" and see for yourself - booyah!). I'm actually keepin it real. I AM a busy dad. My new job (last one, I promise!) is keeping me out of the house from 7:30am to 8:00pm daily. Fury goes to bed by 9. Throw in prep/eat dinner, finish random chores and to-do's, enjoy a couple Newcastles and/or Jack Daniels, catch up with this wife I allegedly have, and all I've got left is time to realize I have no time to blog tonight.

Plus, this is my house:

Yes, we're undergoing a complete down-to-the-studs remodel. It's going to be epic. But in the meantime, it means we're living out of a suitcase at my buddy Toheed's house. The same buddy who happens to be the general contractor working on the house. He is a single guy -- who now has: Legos strewn across the house, 2 dogs tearing up his yard, a TV always set on Cartoon Network, and blanket forts built upon his formerly pimpin couches. People are amazed at how quickly the remodel has been progressing. I say it's all about motivation.

... to a real committment.

But really, I have some great things in the works. Blogger meet-ups, funny things my kid has been doing (remember when this daddy blog used to actually be about daddy-ing?), videos and more. Plus, I have a whole mess of killer giveaways that are still sitting in a suitcase somewhere at our temporary abode. The PR world HATES me right now. PR reps for Nokia, Adobe, Poingo, Toon Books, Esquire Books, Roxio, Sensa and RCA are probably better friends right now, united in their shared displeasure for "that Busy Daddy guy."

... to real traffic.

In my absence, I noticed my traffic actually increasing! By 2,000 unique visitors a month. Maybe not posting actually makes the blog world fonder of me.

Maybe not. I just found out that it's all guys looking for pictures of Amy Adams. She's mine, guys. Go away.